House Divided by Religion

[Tala]

If I were in the situation, I would leave him.

I know bash me if you will, but DH and I have a stand on religion similar to how you and your hubby started out. I'm spiritual, but not religious. DH believes in God too, but we aren't "church people" or anything pushy like that. We are in agreement on this.
If my DH suddenly wanted to join a religion and go to church, that would be one thing, but to bring it home to shove on me and demand to change the whole way of life (celebrating holidays, what we eat, etc.) would be a total problem. Especially if it led to constant stress and always fighting. No reason to live that way.

I'm not going to change who I am, just because my partner decided to change who he is. Ya know?

 

[agnes_day]

if he does that, i would get a restraining order or something..that is not right that he would mess with your health like that.

 

[AngieChick]

Wow, what a hard situation. You are caught between wanting to be a supportive spouse and having it take over your own way of life and identity.

Honestly, I think that there will have to be some give on both sides. In a marriage, it's the only way to have any kind of peace. Of course that doesn't mean that you have to be subjugated or that he can never go to service. Many households are made of of people with different religious views, and it can work. But, it takes cooperation and mutual respect, fanaticism on either side can make it very very difficult.

And no, I would never ever be able to sit through a meeting about women being submissive of subjective. That X vs Y chromosome certainly causes differences in men and women, but the ability to be intelligent and to make decisions for the better of our families isn't only found in the Y chromosome. Sorry, that's ridiculous and you shouldn't have to hear it. To have enough self respect that it bothered you doesn't mean that you aren't being supportive. It means that you aren't being self destructive.

If you are unable to have a conversation with him about this huge change in your family, one in which you feel that you are being heard then you may want to get counseling. Not just couple counseling, but also your own.

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

Quote:
He is correct about Easters roots.
I would not say this is a cult per say, unless it is a part of the Hebrew Roots movement.
It is one thing to be a Messianic Jew, but quite another to abolish the New Covanent.

I think it might help to know where you stand, before being able to help, rather then saying write him off, or suffer in silence..... Are you a born again Christian?

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

Quote:
Submission and subjection are very different things.
Biblical sumbmission has nothing to do with subjection and being ruled over.
My husband is my head, and I do defer to him on many things, but we are equal as Believers in Christ.

 

[AngieChick]

Quote:
If he keeps that up, there will come a time when you don't want him there and say "fine".

 

[Kansaseq]

Wow. Your situation sounds similar to a friend of mine. Husband became Jehovah's witness and wanted to stop celebrating the usual holidays they always used to celebrate, etc. If it were me, I would have a real problem with someone, ANYONE, telling me how to live my life, especially if certain things were fine in the past, but not now. Your husband is changing the rules midstream, which isn't fair to you, or the kids. I would suggest counseling, and soon. I've never been married, but marriage IS a partnership, not a dictatorship. In order for it to work, both parties need to be in agreement. It sounds like he wants to change things, regardless of how you feel about them. If you can't both work together (and it sounds like you have tried) and agree on certain things, then maybe a change is in order. I know this has to be incredibly hard for you, and I'm sorry.

 

[DuckLady]

Quote:
If he keeps that up, there will come a time when you don't want him there and say "fine".

This.

And offer to help him pack his bags.

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

No I really don't consider myself of any religion. I believe in god. And I pray when I'm troubled or thankful. But I don't go to church and I don't consider myself of any categorized Christian following.

I forgot to mention that I was letting my two daughters go with him to his service. But I recently stopped allowing that. My oldest daughter started having nightmares a few weeks ago. She said that demons where trying to kill her in her dreams. And that they where trying to kill her sister or us. She has never heard of the term demons till she started going with them. And when they talked about the story the one time I was there, during his birthday. Some of the topics were a little too strong for children in my opinion. They where trying to dissect the story about Purim. Trying to figure out why the wife refused to come to the celebration or something in the story. And a few of them came to the conclusion that the king wanted the wife to come naked.

I don't want my daughters listening to that sort of stuff. It's not G rated enough for them. Gives them the wrong ideas of how women should be treated and about their own value. Not to mention my oldest daughter is afraid to go to sleep now at nights cause she has nightmares about demons.

 

[farmerlor]

Whenever I hear about marital problems I preach Communication, communication, communication but it sounds like this guy is only communicating with his religious leaders who are telling him that you aren't worth listening to. My husband and I have a marriage of different religions that still works successfully after 25 years but only because we both respect each other enough to listen to each other. The day I defer to my husband just because of his anatomy is not going to happen ever but if he presents a reasonable argument why we should do things his way I'll certainly give it a try.
I'd give it a another try with a sit-down communication meeting and then you have to decide how you want to live for the rest of your life. In the meantime I'd check this religious group out on google and see if they're actually dangerous or not.