House Divided by Religion

[australorpchick]

Quote:
I told him that I would let him have supervised visits because I no longer trust him alone with the kids. He said I can expect a court battle. Something tells me that he wont go through with his threat. He's the type of person that never does what he says he will if its not so easy a toddler could do it.
After I get all my things from the property I plan on dealing with the custody issue. I dont want to hurt anyone. I just want to protect my kids. So I dont plan on taking away all visitation rights. He can come see them when ever he wants. If he truely wants to see them then he will put aside his stubberness and come see them.

He may not, but his friends may be. Best to err on the side of caution. Get your own account and get sole custody of those kids ASAP.

 

[ranchhand]

First, I HAVE read every single post!

This is not a discussion about the roots of Easter, nor does it have anything to do with Masons and politicians.

The OP and her daughters are out of the house now.

Strawberry House Mouse- that username has a clue in it, house mouse. Timid and shy.
You've also said he won't allow you to spend money on Saturday. Might be Sabbath for him, but for you and the kids, it's Saturday.
You say you pleaded with him when his sorry butt finally got home. No more pleading. Way too late for negotiations.

Time to grow a backbone, and it sounds like you are on the right track. It will allow you to deal with him as an equal, whether he recognizes it or not is no longer an issue. Do what you have to to take care of your children and yourself.

Get a lawyer. If he has ever made you or the children feel threatened, get a restraining order. Get what you need safely from the house, but take someone with you. Worse comes to worse, remind yourself that it's only stuff. The paperwork is a priority.

Start divorce and custody proceedings. Insist upon counseling for yourself and the kids. Shoot for high dollars and let him negotiate down a bit. If you and the kids love the house, try to get it.

Set up a separate account asap. With you gone, he may start trying to grab every dime to use as leverage against you.

Do not ever agree to meet him alone or with just the children. He sounds a little unbalanced to me.

If any of his friends approach you, tell them you have nothing to say to them and leave. Don't be caught out alone anywhere, they sound like they might help him avenge his bruised ego.
I know it sounds like overkill, but trust me, people do VERY strange and harmful things.

Sit down with your children and explain things in their levels, but don't say Daddy is bad - just that you all need a break from each other, don't put a timeframe on it.

Then cry your eyes out, rant and rage a little in private. Wipe your eyes, take a shower and stand tall with the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your children.

I send much strength and peace your way, lots of

ETA, I think it would be good to ask that he have a professional mental evaluation.

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
Don't go out with him. Don't leave your kids unattended. Go someplace safe. Cults kidnap people. Make sure that a relative has daily contact with you. I have a really bad feeling about this guy. When he asked you out to breakfast, it might not have been IHOP that he was taking you to.

 

[ranchhand]

Quote:
Don't go out with him. Don't leave your kids unattended. Go someplace safe. Cults kidnap people. Make sure that a relative has daily contact with you. I have a really bad feeling about this guy. When he asked you out to breakfast, it might not have been IHOP that he was taking you to.

That already didn't happen. If you read on, you'll see that she has left with the children.

 

[TheRanch]

Often times nuances that you feel or think get left out of posts, Strawberry, you know in your heart what is best for your girls and act on it, I truly believe that those "intuitions" are your Spirit helping guide you.

Others offer ideas and actions based on THEIR life experiences/knowledge so it helps to see other sides. I was certainly not suggesting that you put your children at risk for ANY reason, actually his "friends" maybe not only the root of your past issues, but may become a bigger part of your issues. I agree with the others who tell you to "Lawyer UP" quickly, as believe that he will bring his "Religous Friends" to bat for him - and try to make you look bad - that's usually what happens with "gang" mentality and since they already exibited that when you went to the sleep out (they were talking bad about other members as soon as they were out of sight) - Believe that they will gang up on you as the "enemy - keeping those babies from Daddy". Be expecting Child Protective Services and any other tactics that they can come up with. Having a lawyer and getting the girls in counseling "to deal with the separation" (be sure to tell the counselor about the nightmares and if she still has them) will go a long way to showing that you are acting in their BEST interests (and Daddy's new religion is NOT). JMHO, I wish you all the best and will keep you and the girls in my prayers - I know this is hardest on them!!

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
Don't go out with him. Don't leave your kids unattended. Go someplace safe. Cults kidnap people. Make sure that a relative has daily contact with you. I have a really bad feeling about this guy. When he asked you out to breakfast, it might not have been IHOP that he was taking you to.

That already didn't happen. If you read on, you'll see that she has left with the children.

I know. I was just stating that IHOP may not have been the real intended destination. Even though she has left, he may ask to meet her somewhere, or ask to take the kids somewhere. I'm just saying that any contact could be bad and to be careful.

 

[MaggieRae]

I have nothing to add, because you're getting really good advice.

Best of luck and keep us updated, if you can.

 

[calicokat]

Also, it's time to begin documenting everything. Grab one of the kid's spare notebooks and start writing what's happened so far. Dates, times, summery of conversations. Once you have a general synopsis of what has occured so far just keep it in your purse or close by. Then each time you have any interaction (in person, by phone, text, whatever) put it in your book with dates and times.

Save emails, phone messages, texts, etc. And when you get a lawyer, provide him with these if he/she needs them.

 

[babylady4]

Holy cow! You GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!

for you and a

for him!

YES Lawyer and restraining order NOW!! Right after that physicals for the kids.... this smells SO BAD on SO MANY LEVELS.

Contact and support groups in your area for battered wives, they will be able to help you out even though you have not been physically beaten you have been through a mental and emotional rollercoaster and need help! They can also provide the support system of extra people to help you extricate yourself and your kids from this weirdo. Talk to any of the local pastors that you like, churches are great and helping those in desperate need. Maybe a call to the local Red Cross would help as well.....

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BE BY YOURSELF AT ANY TIME! DO NOT MEET HIM WITHOUT THE ADDITIONAL PRESENCE OF ANOTHER IMPARTIAL ADULT!

Keep the police and relatives updated with your location at all times; and let the school officials know he is NOT to pick up your kids at any time without contacting you FIRST! They are most accesible to him while they are at school, away from you.

PLEASE keep us aware of your situation...... heck we could start a BYC underground for escaping wives!

 

[maplesky7]

As I said, I am currently going through something similar and in the process of a divorce.

As it stands currently...he is with the military and is far away presently but that could change by Oct.

So it is written in the courts that he can call them 3x a week during a 2 hour window. He doesn't or hardly does.

We are starting to get into the visitation part and I've explained and written down EVERYTHING and presented it to my lawyer and come forth with my fears. My lawyer told me that we won't agree to anything that isn't ok by me. My girls hardly know their father so there will be no out of state or over night visits. I may have a fight before me but my children's safety is what's most important. If things can not be agreed upon then we go to a moderator, the kids are interviewed, my home is checked... and then the court decides. But I shall hold near my faith in the Lord that He shall judge the quick and the dead. For there are people waiting in line on the day of Judgement that cry out "Jesus! Jesus!" and He shall turn to them and say, "I do not know you."

There are circumstances where people will bend or change the words and principles in the Bible to fit their own needs, wants, desires. This is false prophesy.

A person who has Christ in their hearts has a forever relationship with Him. That person will not hear the words, "I do not know you," from their Savior.

One time in reading Romans I was enlightened to the fact that if I am with Christ then I shall not concern myself over what to say as in regards to legal matters (court) for the Spirit of the Lord will take over my words. (I forget exact words) I would lay in bed and go over and over the things and points I wanted to get across to prove my case and I would get no sleep and I would lay there in a state of anxiety. There are several things you may find useful if you were to read Romans during this time. At any rate, it comforted me to know that God is the ONLY judge and those who have been appointed have been appointed to do good and should they do evil then they shall suffer the wrath of God.

You will have to trust---and it is a hard thing to do when there are unknowns involved--that once you seek and find legal council to represent you and your children that you feel will be to the benefit of your best interest....that he/she will do what is best by you and your children.

I mean, my X went into great detail about killing the mom to his son and her father and making it look like an accident so he would get custody... that alone in itself is enough for me to warrant serious safety issues and it tears me up inside not knowing right now how the courts will decide.

But in the same breath... I have to have faith. There is no alternative in this matter. I am in the middle of a legal matter and what has been presented has now has to be decided upon. So I pray with all my heart and soul that the outcome be made to protect my young children with all the powers that be in Jesus Christ's name I pray with a heavy heart so help me God. Amen.

So shall you cling to your faith my fellow sister and not give up hope for a better tomorrow...and I pray this in Jesus name for you. Amen.

You know what else? In talking to my Pastor at times during this ordeal... He reminded me as hard as it is... I must continue to pray for him...my x... because it is in everyone's best interest that he be prayed for to see the light and do right by God. I was so insulted by this because my heart and well being had been done wrong by this man and injured in so many ways over the last 10 years and I became a person I never thought in a million years I'd become but one of those statistic woman who stays with an abuser and then I watched it negatively impact my children. I didn't want to pray for him but I went away from that meeting knowing my Pastor was right and knowing my heart would have to forgive---7x70 in order for me to be forgiven--and for the benefit of myself and my children it would prove that praying for him to see the light and do right by God would be the Christ-like thing to do. And so there are times, I understand the definition of "obey" and must humble myself and without a haughty heart... without puffing myself up with pride... I must humble myself and come upon the Lord and ask Him to forgive me of my sins and transgressions for He knows my heart as it is, I must come to the gentle understanding that we are ALL His children though some have yet to come to accept this, though the Gospel states, "One day every knee shall bend, one day every tongue shall confess You are God."

Do not harbor resentment... I know it may take a while... but soften your heart but GUARD your heart as well. My dh would do things where he would say nice things at times but he had an ulterior motive behind it. Unfortunately, he could not be trusted at this time because his words and his actions contradicted each other. And for the sake of myself and my children I had to guard my heart...and on sound advice from my Pastor...because you have to preserve your strength and your ability to be a functioning mother and person in society... children still need tending and bills still need paying... you can't check out. You have to keep it together.

May God give you rest when you need it, courage through the battle, and may you be protected by His Armor for the rest of your days, so be it in Jesus' name we humbly pray. Amen.

hugs,
gretch