Hubby is not doing well. long post

[Farmer Kitty]

Still praying for Davy and his family.

 

[wegotchickens]

Quote:
Ditto!

 

[a2ms4chickens]

I am glad you got good news about Davy's heart being in good shape. I'm sorry that your hand got broke- more to pray about.

I am still thinking of you and your family and praying for more good news about Davy, and fast healing of your hand.

Hang in there, God is there helping you through this, and is listening to the thousands of prayers being said for you.

 

[Alleyoops25]

Well I am sorry it has taken so long since I last posted. Davy has had another strok.He has gotten quite a bit weaker, the ventilator is working for him more than it has yet. He had to have another blood transfusion. Which means tomarrow I will be back giving more blood. I am really having a hard time keeping positive. I sit here day in and out watching him get worse. I am almost getting ticked that he isnt getting better by now and I am wondering more and more if I havent been getting my hopes up. He also started gettying feverish and they had to start antibiotiocs on him. I had my MIL go to the college for me after they took him for another CAT scan I went to our room and cuaght a quik shower. I ended up getting sick to my stomach from being so up set, I was glad the kids werent there, or my In laws for that matter. I ended up in a break down for about 45 minutes, which I ended up having to choke back because I was called back to the hospital. Once I got back there The doctors were already talking to my FIL. They were telling us that they are giving him about a 20% chance of living and that is if they can get his fever under control and him to stop having the strokes. I again got sick after I was told this and spent another 20 min in their bath room. After I was able to come out I and my Fil in law spent some time just crying over him. I told my FIL that there was going to be no way I would ever for give God if he took my husband away from me. And I was honest enough that I did tell him that iwas really starting to be ticked at God for flat ignoring my prayers, and he keeps torturing me by making it a little worse each day. I cant stand the thopughts of loosing him. And I and my FIL have been staying here now. The kids are allowed to come in during the day, and my MIL has been able to be here more. The actually spent until 10:30 last night with us, My FIL spent a huge amount of the time on the phone calling relatives and updating them. Then at 12:48 Davy slid backwards some more. He had yet another stroke this one was smaller than the first two. Yet it still weakend him some more. I am not going to leave here now, I know if I do I will regret it. My FIl is sleeping now so I had a few to get on here and give the update. I am loosing all hope of ever being able to bring him home and getm to ever grow old with him. The first doctor is supposed to be here in a couple hours. I am little releaved as the on call doctor didnt do to much. I am going to be honest with you all, and tell you something I havent even told my FIL. I dont think I am going to be able to hold on much long with out loosing my own mind I havent stopped crying in forever. The stress has got me feeling so horrible. I hurt really bad my bones are not tollerating this at all. And since All of this has happend every time I start getting more emotional I end up having to go and throw up. I guess that some of the relatives are going to start coming in as well. I dont really like it because I do feel like everyone has givin up on him and I dont think I can handle all of these relatives coming in and saying their good byes. I think that them doing it will make Davy give up the fight and I will be faced with loosing my best friend, and theperson I love the most in the world. Its not fair that he is in this bed in the first place, and I so wish it was me in that bed and not him. I would take his spot if only he could get better, and be with our kids. And I would rather die myself than have to figure out how to live with out him. I feel so stupid for not getting him here sooner. I was to scared to go anywhere with out a oxygen tank. And I think I should have done it anyway. Maybe we would be at this point. I just feel so stupid, and guilty for not doing more sooner. I also feel so mad at everything, myself, The Doctors, God and even Davy a little. And if he does die I dont know that I will be able to face the world and deal with telling everyone, and having a funeral. I Dont even know how I am going to pay for all of this without bankruptcy. Let alone pay for a funeral. MyFIL wants himto be taken back to San ANgelo Texas where he was bornAnd I am torn thinking about his body being that far away from me. And at the same time Davy's mother is burried there as well and I think that he would want to be near her as well. And I feel selfish in wanting him to be near me. We planned on leaving here as soon as he was done with College and Moving where ever he could make the most money,. Ugh my poor kids they are going through hell way to young. My boys are Daddies boys and do every thing with him. And my youngest I firmmly believ es loves his Daddy more than he does me, which I have always felt good about. That little boy was always sitting on his lap, and having stories read to him, or listening to music together. And if Davy dies it sickens me to think that he wont remember his Daddy. Infact the only one of my kids that will have vivid memories is my duaghter. Oh God why do I have to be put through this crap!!! I cant handle anymore. Infact I am loosing it right now I can hardly see the words on the computer screen. I cant handle it any more. I have to get off of here I feel like I am getting sick again. I will try to post again with more up dates. However if he does die I may be to crazy to even get on here to post a update. And if thats the case I am sorry...... I dont even know if I will livbe through this, or will want to. Anyway I need to go nI am sorry, for the pitty me party that I am throwing. An d I need to get myself under control before my FIL wakes up again.

 

[Nick]

Alleyoops25,
I'm so sorry your hubby is not well yet. Keep the faith, this is not the time to give up. Your DH needs you and your kids need you.
Hope your next post is a positive one.
Nick

 

[ibpboo]

You have been doing the best that you can, even above and beyond. None of this is your fault. Let your anger out. I am still praying for you and asking for more strength for you and your husband. I am reading your posts and crying too, I just wish it helped more. All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers today while I am at work. Best of everything to you.

 

[okiechick57]

:aww

 

[justusnak]

Oh Alley...im so sorry. All of those feeling you are going through are normal...regret,anger,fear. I just wish I could be there for you, and be your rock...Dont give up...keep talking to him..you are in my prayers as well. You can do this Alley...dont ever give up!

 

[MissPrissy]

I am very sorry this has happened to you. You and your family are in my prayers now.

Please, please, don't let this aweful illness leave you a victim as well. While there is nothing to do now but wait and see what will happen try to focus on the needs of you and your children. Request someone from the social services at the hospital come talk with you about your options and choices.

If your husband has been employed your children will be entitled to draw his SS benefits. There are places out there that will help with final costs as you mention about funeral and burial. Don't lose hope and site of a tomorrow.

Don't take this sitting down and let your entire life be destroyed. Find your inner strength. Do it for Davey, for yourself but most especially for the children who will never really understand what is going on and why their life is in such an upheaval.

Focus on what you can do and you will get through this, albeit tattered and torn but on the other side. Miracles can and do happen.

Be still, and know that I am God .. Psalms 46:10


:aww

 

[TheMartianChick]

Alley... You can't lose your faith now. Stay strong and know that He is listening to your prayers and the prayers of all the people who are hoping for Davy's recovery. I know that this isn't easy, but you aren't in it alone.

God Bless!