Hubby is not doing well. long post

[arlee453]

Dang, I'm soooo worried about Alley & DH....

I hope everything is going OK tonight.

 

[Alleyoops25]

For the firstan time today I am able to get on here and relax a little. My F.I.L. came to give me a break at about 8:00. I went to our room and hugged my kids and spent a half hour with them. I gave them 150.00 to go and buy themselves some toys, games, books, and neccesities so that they had plenty to keep them busy. So we played a few rounds of Candy Land, and Mouse trap. I got a shower which was well needed. And I was getting ready to lay down and sleep when my F.I.L called and told me I needed to get back there A.S.A.P. So I went back, The nurses fell behind in keeping him sedated, and he woke up and started going crazy. They had his arms tied to the sides of the bed, but he is strong enough he ripped the restraint in half and they were all trying to keep him from pulling the tube. He also ripped out his I.V. so they couldnt go ahead and morphine him back to sleep. I dont really know how I got to the I.C.U, and I couldnt have gotten there any faster Than if I flew. HIs dad was holding him down, and all nurses were in a frantic. I got him to calm down enough that they could get him tied back down (this time with two on each arm) and they were also able to get another I.V. in him and doped him up again. I felt so bad for him, He was so scared.Yet at the same time he was mad at me for helping the staff restrain him again. After this incident he had some how split his lip, and bruised him self up even more. His arms are black and blue now,and he basicallylooks like someone took after him with a base ball bat. His Dad and I stayed there the rest of the day. At about 4:30 this evening I left and took my M.I.L and the kids out to eat, I tried my hardest to be up beat for them but after that incident I was struggling to stay calm and tried not to rush things. They checked his heart ran tests on his heart today, I havent heard any results they have came up with yet. I wont know until the morning, when the Doctor makes his rounds. I couldnt get myself to leave him here and go back to the room for the night. I will have to doze off here. I am supposed to fill out a bunch of paper work tonight. His living will is the though one. I am not sure I could pull the plug on him if it got that bad. Filling out this stuff is like rubbing salt in a open wound. It is so hard to sit here watching him and thinking about the fact that he could crash anytime and I wont have him anymore. I cant loose him, he is my world and he means even more to the kids. I have been thinking back about all the things that annoyed me about him. I cant sit next to him when we eat, because his jaw pops, and I hate the sounds of people eating, its like nails on a chalk board to me.And now I feel like crap because I got onto him so much. I've been nagging on him for about 6 months to go and get his jaw fixed. And now I realize how small of a issue that was. And how lucky I am to have him in the first place. He has sacrificed every thing for us. He drove trucks until his back just couldnt take it no more. Because of him driving truck he ended up having to have 3 back surgeries, which never really helped since he was 25 he has lived with chronic pain from this, and he is 32 now. This was his second year in college,he has been trying to get a bachlers degree in computers. He has also been working to get microsoft certifications as well. During the day he has been working at our local food bank. He has been building them a data base to store all the information on everyone that comes there to get food. He has been doing this as a volunteer. He runs the office, which he gets paid for but he has been building the data base for them for free. He couldnt take money from them that could go towards buying more food, paying there bills, or saving build a new building.And thats the way he has always been. IN fact thats how we met. My Dad fell and broke his neck in 2000. I was driving back and forth from work to up here at the hospital to give my mom a break. One night I was driving to fast and hit a cow. When my dad came home his brother in law was my dad home health nurse. He decided to set me and him up on a blind date. When he found out about my car he came out every day and fixed it for me. I have never met a man that cares as much as he does. I could never find a replacment for him.This is my worst nightmare and I have never been this scared ever before. They are talking about give him a blood transfusion. I hate needles but we have the same blood type, so I will be donating blood to him. It's better than getting a strangers blood. You never know if they have Aids, and they never can be 100% sure that they are giving clean blood. I at least have some use to him this way. I know we have only been here a couple days but it feels like it has been a for ever. I dont know how i have managed to stay awake this long. And the wierd part is I dont feel tired. The only thing I feel is a knott in my throat, and a quesy tummy. I asked them how long they thought he would be on the ventilater and they couldnt give me a answer. They told me as the situation is right now he could crash at any second, and we should feel good that even though he is tubed he is still alive. They are really worried that he wont be able to regain his strength since this has already taken most of it. Then there is the unknown thing about his heart. The have been so many heart diseases in his family they are taking that into a whole nother problem. Then these stupid blood clots pose a serious risk to. They were going to do a full body cat scan to look for other blood clots but after him trying to escape this morning and the fact that when they had him in looking at his heart his heart rate and blood pressure started to sky rocket so they gave up and let him rest. That is what is on tomarrows to do list though. And I feel like I could go totally nutts waiting to find out whats going to happen. And these feelings arent helped when the doctors give a very bleak out look of his future. Well my F.I.L is back, he is trying to kick me out , i had better get off of here and deal with him. Sorry that all my posts are so long, and I dont expect you all to read clear through. BUt as I said before this is my only source to get all this off my chest. I try not to trouble my in laws to much over this, as they are just as scared as I am. Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers. You all are amazing people and God bless you all for your patients with me here the last few days. I will have to individually thank you all latersince each and everyone of you has given good advice, or support . And each of you has giving me a lot of different angles on dealing with all of this. talk to you all later.

 

[Sharisr32]

hope all goes well thoughts to ya --

 

[jjthink]

Hi. Checking in on you. Hope you're resting now that FIL has kicked you out. He sounds like a good guy.

I am so sorry about the sedation letting up and Davy having to wake up and endure that awful feeling of the tube in his throat. I hope he's resting peacefully right now.

And I hope test results will come back today that give you some answers and give the docs direction that will help Davy. Hopefully the oxygen is giving his body some much needed relief and the chance to build strength while you all wait.

As to past complaining about things that seem insignificant now, we've all done it. Put it out of your head because you know what? Davy knows you're there when it really counts. You got him there. I assure you that none of that other stuff is even remotely on his mind. When you're really sick there is no greater gift than knowing someone has your back. And he knows you have his. Rest easy on this point.

Thinking of you and will check back in to see how you're all doing. :aww
JJ

 

[hoosierhen]

Hope today is a better day for you and your hubby! Please keep us posted. Everyone here at BYC is praying for ya.

 

[Alleyoops25]

jjthink thanks for the advice I am not asleep I did leave Davy with his Dad and came over to the room. I cant get myself to sleep. I even have prescrition slleping pills and the only thing they are doing is making feel even more queasy. I have so much on my mind right now I dont even know where to begin. I think there other thing that has me up is there is this wierd ringing sound coming from the cieling. It is about to run me nutts. But on the good side I am laying here with my youngest sleeping on my chest. I woke him when I came in and he went right back to sleep after I layed down. He is sooooo cuddely, and I have been missing his hugs, and kisses. I also have my other boy right next to me and then my duaghter is on the other side of him. We are in a king size bed so it isnt to crowded. We are in a two room, room and my inlaws are in the next room over so they get a little privacy. I can hear my mother in law sawing logs though. I have my phone right here next to the computer in case my F.I.L calls needing me. That way I dont have to fumble around and wake the kids. I love my In laws. My F.I.L is a good man, he did a really good job of raising Davy to be the man he is. Davy's birth mother died in a car wreck when he was 8 yrs old. And My F.I.L went and married the first lady he could so he didnt have to figure out how to raise the kids by him self. In 2002 they split up and I hooked him up with a lady have known since I was really little. And they got married. So on my Dh's side of the family there is a lot of people who are easy for me to love. I haveto be back at the hospital about 6:00 so I figure I might as well just stay awake , if I go to sleep now I wont wake up in time to meet with the doctor. Then right after that O am supposed to go and donate my blood. Then maybe around my youngest's nap time I will come over and sleep with him. I know that i am going to be dragon my wagon a mile behind me, infact it may still be at the hospital. But my D.H is my top priority right now. I can eventually catch up on my sleep. Right now I have to make sure that he is being taken care of and be close by in case there is a emergency. And hopefully we wont have to go down the road of loosing him. But I would feel like hell the rest of my life if I wasnt there to say good bye. I keep choking up every time that thought crosses my mind. I now he would end up with the Lord, but I am very selfish and want him here with me. In fact I pray that I die before him. That way I would never have to live with out him. I still cant believe that we are even here, and that we are even thinking about the possibilities of loosing him. Just last week he was perfectly healthy, and we came up here and spent the day playing around here. This is like a small city. almost everyone on the Western Slope comes here to do some Major shopping, and sight seeing. The Hospital we are at right now is the biggest one on the Western slope. The only other hospital that is better than this one is the University (I think thats the name of it) over in Denver. I had to spend a lot of time in that one because when I was 14 my Dad had a brain anerysm, just like one of you all's family. I have seen my share of Drama already in my life. My Dad is a very sickly man and weve had him on life support several times with in the last 10 years. Infact I think if it wasnt for seeing my Dad on it I would have put Davy down as a Do not recessitat (I am forgetting how to spell). It is really scary to have a loved one on life support, but I have learned that they wont leave some on it if they know they arent going to live, and are just kept alive by the machines them selves. And I know that if Davy does slide very far back wards we will just have to take him off. Anyway I see that I am rambling again and I am sorry.Again you don thave to read all the way through my posts. It wont hurt my feelings, I wont even know that you didnt. I am not sure even how much I am making sense. Well I am goimg to get off of here and call my F.I.L. and see whats happening. And maybe even get in trouble with him because he told me I had better go to bed and he better not see or hear from me until 6:00. BUt Oh well whats he going to do Spank me? ground me? I don't think so. I will be posting again when I get the chance.

 

[jjthink]

You're a sweetie - I read all the way through

I understand about not being able to sleep at such time. Too tired and wired to sleep - it's an awful feeling. I hope you are getting some food and plenty of fluids in yourself - your bod is on overdrive and needs fuel.

How wonderful to have a little one secure in your arms - you are a lucky person with all that love around you. I hope for dear FIL and for you and for the kids and for Davy himself that all will be well in time. That Davy was feeling well up until recently is really good - he went into this pretty strong then (that pesky oxygen business took a lot out of him but he was fundamentally strong before that). This is what happened to my considerably older x-dh. Strong going in but very depleted in oxygen when the trouble hit. His fundamental strength got him through after the initial worries and turmoil. This is what I hope happens here. Davy is much younger so that's in his favor.

I'll check back after work - doesn't mean you have to write though - I would be thrilled if you could get some rest! :aww
JJ

 

[justusnak]

Alley, I have been sitting here reading every word....trying to understand what you are going through. I could not FATHOM the feelings running through you right now. Please know...you are in my prayers, and the prayers of thousands of good Christians while you and your family go through this. Try to get some rest...I know its hard....but those babies need you right now. You can not focus, if you are not rested. I can only imagine how hard it is, to lay your head down, and not have a million things go through it. But, pray for peace...enough to rest.

 

[tink]

Good Morning....Glad to hear that everything has calmed down a little. Please make sure you are eating and drinking water....you need to take care of yourself so that you are okay to give that blood. Try to get a little sleep before you crash...listen to another Mother... ha ha

You are in my prayers
Tink

 

[tiffanyh]

I read all the way through too--it is the least I can do.

My thoughts are with your husband, you and your children during this very hard time for you all.