Hunting the Mythological Creature... Heard by many, seen by few

[Boyd]

I've noticed throughout the past few days quite an infestation. Need suggestions on how to remove these pests before they keep ruining my day. As soon as I really get my attention set on something the trolls invade and I have to run away before I get myself into trouble. How do you deal with them?



OK, so this isn't really a serious thread but

 

[rooster-red]

Whatever you do, don't feed them.

 

[Wolf-Kim]

Oh, I know the beasts you speak of.

They live off of strife and turmoil. They move about the shadows, searching for those who mistype or poorly word something, then they POUNCE! If there are no weakened prey, they create scenarios causing even the best of friends to quarrel and fight. The best way to be rid of them? Starve them.

Then there are those rare hunters of this beast. They call themselves... "The Mods"! The Mods prowl around feasting on these beasts, always with one eye to the sky. The Mods protect poor mortals such as us, and promise the demise of any troll if you use "the call". Any poor sap caught by such a beast can hit the legendary report button and these majestic beings, The Mods, will arrive and smite the beast!

So the prophecy foretells.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Silly!!! Can't you SEE that they just want to dance with you. Dance with them for two minutes and then they will go away. Oh but I forgot to tell you that you have to dance on the kitchen table and wear a cowboy hat.

 

[PurpleChicken]

So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the world of having a troll!

How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?

First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the “pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic], ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless, sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary is that? Not so much.

So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

How do I discipline my new troll?

Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember: That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the keys to disciplining your new troll.

Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with your new troll!

Where do I keep my new troll?

That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature. However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was meant to be.

What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean I failed as a troll owner?

Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!

However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!

 

[Boyd]

PC, that primer is absolutely unbelievable!!!!! Did you write it or find it somewhere? This is priceless.

 

[redhen]

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Yup....they're getting out of control on here lately..
I've had a run in with a few myself recently...

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
Yup....they're getting out of control on here lately..
I've had a run in with a few myself recently...

Me too. Had to bow out of a couple threads since friday, and saw one of mine closed yesterday and same person almost go another one closed. Then on Random Ramblings it was closed..... I say we all help the mods out. I'm sure they are very aware of the trolling, but I am seeing a pattern this week. makes me go hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[rooster-red]

 

[redhen]

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