I am 36 and my parents are still driving me out of my ever loving mind. ( bitter rant)

[Sonoran Silkies]

Okay, so your family of six is living in your parents' home? Does your sister or do other family also live there? To what extent are y'all helping pay the bills? Are you the only one who does housework (including meal prep), or does your mother still do a lot of it? Before you moved in, was there a discussion of finances and housework?

You said that they need you--why? Are you living with them for their benefit or your own? What would happen if you moved out--both for your family and your parents?

If y'all are not pulling your weight in both financial and household work, your parents have a valid point. If y'all are, then you seriously need to consider moving out and living as a nuclear family, not an extended one. At the very least, you and your dh need to have a sit down with your parents and discuss living arrangements and boundaries.

 

[HeatherLynn]

It was discussed and we work and pay our way.( granted the discussed plan did not include a major housing and financing crisis tossed in)Since retirement my dad has just become a bit impossible. I talked to my mom a bit and we have altered original plans because waiting for the house to sell will drive me insane. We are going to go ahead and rent our house out. Thank goodness for a small mortgage we can get the cost of the mortgage and insurance and taxes paid for. Then everything we can shove towards the house fund will get diverted. Should be able to start building by next spring. Nothing different we can do to make my dad happy. We can work all day, be ready to drop and dad will go on a rant that he won't have anyone in his house being lazy butts. Its just how things have always been, just a bit worse. Retirement has been rough on everyone. My dad is taking retirement as a personal affront. He feels this driving need to work himself into the ground and is managing to do so pretty quickly. He has dropped down to 158 pounds which is lower than when he was an 18 year old scrawny soldier. He expects everyone else to work just as hard as he is. My mom was killing herself trying to keep up. He refuses to rest because that would make him a lazy butt.

My mom was thankful for the company and help when we came. What takes her all day, only takes me an hour. but that was when it was just her and me during the day. Dad being here all day with nothing on his mind but he no longer works is driving us close to insane. I just end up crying in the laundry room, but I won't desert them. There are no other siblings they trust enough or who are even willing to take on what my parents need right now. They got one offer to help them maintain the farm and house, maybe even some house cleaning but only if they signed their home over. You can see how that would be. What a mess.

So for now i am ducking my head, biting my tongue and doing everything I can to make sure we have enough funds next spring to build. Then I can be nearby when needed. Mom can hide out at my house when she needs a break, and its just a tiny walk to their house to help her. My husband could be on hand to help with anything needed too.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Does Dad have any friends that you could enlist to get him out of the house and involved in just about anything? Maybe volunteering at a school or hospital or someplace that would make him feel valued? Coaching little league or soccer or ...? A lot of people whose self esteem was heavily based upon their occupation have difficulty with retirement.

At some point you need to point blank tell your father to knock it off, that you are more than pulling your weight, and you will do it on your schedule, not his. And call hijm on it when he starts ragging on your mother.

You might want to start making a point about detailing the things you have done so far and what tasks you are still working on...not after it becomes an issue for the day, but beforehand. Keep talking about what all you ARE doing and maybe you will forestall him.

 

[BigSkyChickens]

Wow, what a difficult transition for your dad. I know, you can't change people, but he needs an outlet for all that energy! My dad is working himself into the ground in retirement also, so I can relate.

Enjoy those micro-vacations at the goodwill, and plan your two-day mini-vacay as soon as possible.

I realize you know this already, but you are NOT a lazy-butt....

You are kind and patient to "be there" for your parents.

I would find it very difficult to have the roles almost reversed, with the exception of dad still having all of his 'authori-tay'.