I could use some funny.

[Oven Ready]

Here's some 'A thing walks into a bar' jokes - apologies in advance

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says ... 'Why the long face?'

A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says 'Can I have a ........................................... beer?' and the barman say 'Why the big pause?'

A giraffe walks into a bar and the barman says ... 'You've got some neck coming in here!'

A zebra walks into a bar and the barman says ... 'You're barred!'

A mushroom walks into a bar and the barman says ... 'Hey, you look like a fun guy'

A snake walks into a bar and the barman says ... 'Sorry, we don't serve folks that can't hold their drink'

A baby seal walks into a bar and the barman says 'What can I get you?', the seal replies 'Oh anything... but not Canadian Club, that gives me a headache'

A frogs egg walks into bar and the barman says 'We don't serve slimeballs like you in here'

A snail walks into a bar early one morning and when he gets to the bar the barman says 'OK folks, we're closed now, goodnight!'

A rooster walks into a bar for the first time ever ..... but only after his friends had egged him on

 

[Oven Ready]

This is an old Emo Phillips joke




I used to get bullied at school, the other kids would call me names.

When I told my mom she told me what I had to do.

So the next day at school when the kids starting calling me names I said,
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'

And it worked! From that day forward.........
...........it was sticks and stones all the way!

I wouldn't have minded so much but my mom, ever the entrepreneur, had opened a 'sticks and stones' store right outside the school.

Still, it paid for college and most of the medical bills.