I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Go

[LittleFalcon]

My life may seem like that of a happy life from the outside, lots of animals, siblings, 2 parents. But its all a lie. I haven't seen my real dad since I was 5 or 6 years old, 90% of the animals are not mine, and my siblings are constantly trying to get me into serious trouble. I am the primary caretaker of all the animals, which may seem like fun to most but it really isn't. All of the animals include; 1 chicken, 3 pigeons, over 100 fish, 20 geckos, 10 snakes, 9 dogs, 30 or so rats, 20 or so mice, a tarantula, and 3 cats. I also cook for my family, do laundry, and clean the house. I have 3 friends and have not spoken to two of them in a year now, and the other one has not gotten back to me in 2 weeks. On top of everything my mother treats me like I do absolutely nothing. Yes I get more stuff than my siblings but the oldest of them is seven years younger than me. Today she even said, "It's not like I ask that much of you." She asks for litterally everything from me. She may be sick but she can't do absolutely nothing and then patronize me when I have done nothing but work. I never get a break from any of it. I'm not allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood and am very rarely allowed to leave the house and it is always with a parent. I have zero freedom. I've been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old and being cooped up with my family does not help in the slightest. I have quit self harm, it was very difficult and still is. I still have the urges sometimes but instead I will draw on myself. It is more for the fear of going back to the mental hospital that I no longer self harm.

 

[Ruby Rogue]

I'm sorry to hear your story. I can tell you that I felt shitty when I was your age, my 15 year old feels shitty at his age. I know other kids feel the same. Just try to push through. You will benefit in your later years from all the work you do now. I'm not sure how sick your parent is, but I had a sick mom at your age. She passed when I was 18. All I can say is value the time you have with your parents, no matter if they're ill or well. Try to teach your younger siblings as much as you can. It sounds like a lot of fun having that many animals, the kids can probably help out in some way. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Callender Girl]

Little Falcon, I am no expert on any of the things you've mentioned and it sounds like life is overwhelming you right now. Maybe talking about it on BYC will help you.

My suggestion is that you find someone -- or something -- to talk to. Find a friend, even if it's one of those animals. Dogs, for example, are good listeners and provide unconditional love. You need some love right now.

Life is hard for everyone, no one really has it easy. But you can persevere and make it through. For many years, when things were tough for me, I had this Hemingway quote taped to my bathroom mirror: "The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."

If you can't see a professional, if you can't talk with a friend, come here and talk with us. This is a caring community of good people who want you to feel better.

 

[CluckerFamily]

You do have a lot on your plate. And I know it can seem unfair especially when other teenagers have other freedoms but what may be hard to see at your age is that you are more mature and you will thrive better as an adult than some other people. You can already take care of yourself, you can clean, you can cook, you know what it is like to take care of others, and you have the erg to put others first even though it is overwhelming at times. Most teenagers don't deal with these responsibilities until they are in college or after college, and then they struggle to be an adult.
I am very proud of you!
You will have amazing accomplishments as you grow up!
I am very glad that you choose to draw on yourself instead of self harm, you have amazing powers that some people can't even imagine what it is like.

 

[Mmanist]

You sound like a good, respectable young lady. I was rebellious, and unstable at 15, if it wasn't for my horses I dont know if I would be here today. The fact you take care of all those critters and your family says alot about you. You are strong, reliable and smart. Most 15yr olds are lazy, and inconsiderate to other. I give you props! Hold your head up my dear, keep pushing through! All those animals, and family are hard work, and overwhelming at times. I know this, because I care for a zoo of animals and my own family too. The older you get, the wiser you will become. All the hard word now, will build you for your future.

On a side note, I'm glad to hear your no longer self harm. I lost my best friend to suicide over 10 years ago. I've never been right since. Still miss him like the day he left us.

 

[TwoCrows]

I totally understand how overwhelming life can be and there never seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there quite often throughout life. Tools for coping, deciding you've had enough and making necessary changes will help you greatly, unfortunately changing your situation and your thought patterns is a slow process.

 

[LittleFalcon]

Thanks for all the support everyone! I'm trying to get my mother to let me go to my grandmothers house or something for the weekend so I have some semblance of a break.

 

[Ruby Rogue]

Thanks for all the support everyone! I'm trying to get my mother to let me go to my grandmothers house or something for the weekend so I have some semblance of a break.

Good luck! Keep your head up!

 

[Callender Girl]

Here's hoping for the best for you!!

 

[obnoxtine]

As an oldest daughter with a mom that leaned to heavily on me, I understand your pain. I can also tell you it gets better once you're grown and out of the house.

You'll get to be in control of yourself and create whatever boundaries you feel are healthy for you. Personally, I also got to start seeing a therapist, which has been so helpful to me. If you ever get the chance to see a therapist, I highly recommend it! One thing my therapist taught me about that I would encourage you to look up on Youtube is body scan meditation. It's a great way to relieve some stress, and it sounds like you have a lot of stress!

I hope you're able to get a break soon and feel better!