I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Go

Pics
Date sort Score sort
LittleFalcon said:
My life may seem like that of a happy life from the outside, lots of animals, siblings, 2 parents. But its all a lie. I haven't seen my real dad since I was 5 or 6 years old, 90% of the animals are not mine, and my siblings are constantly trying to get me into serious trouble. I am the primary caretaker of all the animals, which may seem like fun to most but it really isn't. All of the animals include; 1 chicken, 3 pigeons, over 100 fish, 20 geckos, 10 snakes, 9 dogs, 30 or so rats, 20 or so mice, a tarantula, and 3 cats. I also cook for my family, do laundry, and clean the house. I have 3 friends and have not spoken to two of them in a year now, and the other one has not gotten back to me in 2 weeks. On top of everything my mother treats me like I do absolutely nothing. Yes I get more stuff than my siblings but the oldest of them is seven years younger than me. Today she even said, "It's not like I ask that much of you." She asks for litterally everything from me. She may be sick but she can't do absolutely nothing and then patronize me when I have done nothing but work. I never get a break from any of it. I'm not allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood and am very rarely allowed to leave the house and it is always with a parent. I have zero freedom. I've been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old and being cooped up with my family does not help in the slightest. I have quit self harm, it was very difficult and still is. I still have the urges sometimes but instead I will draw on myself. It is more for the fear of going back to the mental hospital that I no longer self harm.
Click to expand...
Oh, my goodness! I'm so sorry to hear this! :hugs
I really hope that things start looking better for you soon, and that you can get a break.
I am very glad that you quit self-harm, as well. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I've my arms bleed a few times, when I was really upset. It helps, in a way, because the pain takes your attention away from the bad things that are bothering you.
But it's a terrible habit, and I am very glad that you've stopped.
I will keep you in my prayers (though I can be forgetful, sorry) -- I don't know if you're religious or not, and I apologize if I offended you.
Whatever you believe, know that you can come here and talk with us, and that we wish the best for you.
Many hugs and much comfort to you, LittleFalcon. :hugs
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Good job, Little Falcon, in coming here to share your pain and talk with us! That was an excellent choice and wonderful first step. We are here for you, and you do not have to feel alone. Next thing I would strongly encourage you to do, is find someone IRL you can talk to and share with, preferably an adult. Is there a teacher or a pastor or preacher you trust and are comfortable talking to? Here's the deal. You have big feelings and you shouldn't have to try to handle them alone. If you talk to an adult, they can get you the help you need. They can hook you up with a counselor or someone like that, that you can talk to on a regular basis, or whenever the urge to self-harm comes over you. You have a right to this kind of help, just like you would have a right to see a doctor if you broke an arm or a leg. This isn't something you should put off or do without, okay? You are in a situation that needs to change. We care about you, very much. I hope you will talk to an adult and come back and let us know what happens, okay? We care. We want you to be okay. ❤
 
LittleFalcon said:
My life may seem like that of a happy life from the outside, lots of animals, siblings, 2 parents. But its all a lie. I haven't seen my real dad since I was 5 or 6 years old, 90% of the animals are not mine, and my siblings are constantly trying to get me into serious trouble. I am the primary caretaker of all the animals, which may seem like fun to most but it really isn't. All of the animals include; 1 chicken, 3 pigeons, over 100 fish, 20 geckos, 10 snakes, 9 dogs, 30 or so rats, 20 or so mice, a tarantula, and 3 cats. I also cook for my family, do laundry, and clean the house. I have 3 friends and have not spoken to two of them in a year now, and the other one has not gotten back to me in 2 weeks. On top of everything my mother treats me like I do absolutely nothing. Yes I get more stuff than my siblings but the oldest of them is seven years younger than me. Today she even said, "It's not like I ask that much of you." She asks for litterally everything from me. She may be sick but she can't do absolutely nothing and then patronize me when I have done nothing but work. I never get a break from any of it. I'm not allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood and am very rarely allowed to leave the house and it is always with a parent. I have zero freedom. I've been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old and being cooped up with my family does not help in the slightest. I have quit self harm, it was very difficult and still is. I still have the urges sometimes but instead I will draw on myself. It is more for the fear of going back to the mental hospital that I no longer self harm.
Click to expand...
Although I am 55 now, I was in your shoes at age 12. My mother was always in pain from a car accident and a botched back surgery. I had to do everything AND go to school as well. I had no life, it is very hard, but I am very proud of you for not harming yourself anymore. That just shows how incredibly strong you truly are. You have found a new way to channel the anger, anxiety and pain. Keep up the good work! I promise you, what you are going through now, WILL make you stronger for the rest of your life. A lot stronger than most. I'm glad you are getting a break by visiting grandparents. If you can talk with them about this, please do. I'm sure they love you and care about you. Also, try to find time each day, for something you are thankful for and focus on it. It helps a lot, and can remind you that there is some good in your life. Even if its just the fact you have a roof over your head and a bed to sleep in at night. You can always find one thing each day, to be privately thankful for. It will boost your spirits a lot.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
obnoxtine said:
As an oldest daughter with a mom that leaned to heavily on me, I understand your pain. I can also tell you it gets better once you're grown and out of the house.

You'll get to be in control of yourself and create whatever boundaries you feel are healthy for you. Personally, I also got to start seeing a therapist, which has been so helpful to me. If you ever get the chance to see a therapist, I highly recommend it! One thing my therapist taught me about that I would encourage you to look up on Youtube is body scan meditation. It's a great way to relieve some stress, and it sounds like you have a lot of stress!

I hope you're able to get a break soon and feel better!
Click to expand...
I had a therapist. One of them I really liked. She was really fun, but then she moved to mexico and didn't say anything to me, didn't even text me! Since then I don't really like therapists but I went to see another anyway and she was really boring and didn't give any time to warm up to her.
 
LittleFalcon said:
My life may seem like that of a happy life from the outside, lots of animals, siblings, 2 parents. But its all a lie. I haven't seen my real dad since I was 5 or 6 years old, 90% of the animals are not mine, and my siblings are constantly trying to get me into serious trouble. I am the primary caretaker of all the animals, which may seem like fun to most but it really isn't. All of the animals include; 1 chicken, 3 pigeons, over 100 fish, 20 geckos, 10 snakes, 9 dogs, 30 or so rats, 20 or so mice, a tarantula, and 3 cats. I also cook for my family, do laundry, and clean the house. I have 3 friends and have not spoken to two of them in a year now, and the other one has not gotten back to me in 2 weeks. On top of everything my mother treats me like I do absolutely nothing. Yes I get more stuff than my siblings but the oldest of them is seven years younger than me. Today she even said, "It's not like I ask that much of you." She asks for litterally everything from me. She may be sick but she can't do absolutely nothing and then patronize me when I have done nothing but work. I never get a break from any of it. I'm not allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood and am very rarely allowed to leave the house and it is always with a parent. I have zero freedom. I've been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old and being cooped up with my family does not help in the slightest. I have quit self harm, it was very difficult and still is. I still have the urges sometimes but instead I will draw on myself. It is more for the fear of going back to the mental hospital that I no longer self harm.
Click to expand...
LittleFalcon said:
I had a therapist. One of them I really liked. She was really fun, but then she moved to mexico and didn't say anything to me, didn't even text me! Since then I don't really like therapists but I went to see another anyway and she was really boring and didn't give any time to warm up to her.
Click to expand...
How old are you?
 
I'm so sorry you feel this way😞 I can somewhat relate, but my family has always been supportive, my mom is actually a Jr. High counselor. I can tell you, most kid at this age, esspesily girls, feel this way. Your not alone, and I know depression makes you feel this way. I know quarantine is hard... And doesn't help depression much. Mabey try rehoming your animals if its yo much to handel. Try to write a journal or take up a new hobby. We can be your friends here on BYC!
 
I was in the same boat as a kid but I'm the youngest of the sisters I grew up with my parents were divorced when I was 4 my mom remarried when I was 8 my dad remarried when I was 5 I lived with my mom and now 2stepsisters and my 2biological sisters we were 8,8,10,11&12 my stepsister and I are 2mths apart i took care of all of our animals 50+ chickens 20-25dogs 30-50 rabbits 15-20 barn cats fish and cleaned the house my oldest sister would beat me up if I didn't clean her room too you know what I did i made a schedule of my day times and all that way you don't feel like a chicken with your head cut off just running in circles and if your siblings need something show them how to do it so next time they can do or get it themselves my kid's are 6,8&10 I'm ill myself so I rely on my daughter she is 10yo but she doesn't do it all she delegates to her brothers and if they don't know how to do something she shows them or I show them you just have to think of yourself as the most important person in the house your the best teacher they have and make it fun for you and them your siblings will enjoy helping and eventually do more so you don't have to do as much just take a deep breath i talk to my chickens all the time they are good listeners I hope you feel better BYC is always here for you YOU GOT THIS YOUR STRONG YOUR MIGHTY
 

Similar threads

E
    • Love
How much water is too much?
Replies
3
Views
264
Earthling3
E
H
I don't know what's wrong with my chicken
2
Replies
17
Views
598
Lillith37
Lillith37

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom