I don't know what I'm going to do

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by monarc23, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. monarc23

    monarc23 Coturnix Obsessed

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    Jul 18, 2008
    Indiana, Pennsylvania
    Hey guys....

    as you probably know, I'm pregnant, almost through my first trimester with the baby. However, now my husband decided to separate from me. The just of it is that the baby made him realize that he does not want to spend the rest of his life with me. God, it hurts so bad. We planned this pregnancy together, and now he's got perminant cold feet. I say perminant because he doesn't lie, when he says something he means it, he's going to start looking into a divorce very soon here. He won't give me a chance. The thing is, I have been a stay at home wife for years, I don't live near anywhere to work to occupy my time with, all my friends are online AND I do not have my own vehicle and I do not have my licence because I've just always been afraid to drive. So I have to now depend on my parents (well my mom) for things now, and my separate husband for things as well which hurts even more. He wants to be in the babies life which is wonderful, and he is fine paying child support. I am so afraid of having this baby by myself, I never in a million years thought that I'd plan a baby and then be alone. He wants to be friends though with me... and maybe after i stop hurting so bad I'll be happy with that but for now im torn to shreads inside and am so physically alone... like I litterally have NO ONE to come and visit me and be there for me. I have my mom, she works full time in the days so all day long I am home alone just hurting. Will it get better? Will this baby make it all worth it? I am so afraid for the baby, so worried I'm going to be too much of an emotional wreck now to be the best mother I can be... that i planned to be when there was love in my life. I'm sorry, but I needed to tell someone... you guys are a caring bunch and I feel ripped apart from the inside out.
     
  2. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

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    Sevier County, TN
    Wow. [​IMG]

    So sorry you are going through this.

    Wow....

    OK, after thinking about it.

    What does your mom think about all this?
    Are you in the country, or city?
    Can you get counseling? Because you need it.

    And does your soon-to-be-ex understand that he's really hurt the baby as well as you? Because throwing that much stress at you affects the baby, too. Which is why I think counseling is a must in your situation.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2009
  3. The Wolf Queen

    The Wolf Queen Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Albuquerque, NM
    At the moment your husband is a big fat jerk...!!! you should hit him on the head with a rollin pin [​IMG]
     
  4. horsejody

    horsejody Squeaky Wheel

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    Waterloo, Nebraska
    I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your husband sounds like a coward. In the end, you'll be better off without him. You can do better. There is a loving man out there somewhere for you and your baby. Be strong. Learn to stand on your own 2 feet. You have had independence thrown on you. Don't let him control the terms of the divorce. Make sure that there is not only child support, but alimony too. You worked as a stay at home wife. He owes you. He should continue to support you until you complete some sort of job training. You can get through this. A man that can leave his pregnant wife just because he has "cold feet" isn't worth it. Have your beautiful baby. Get your life together. Learn to support yourself. Find a better man. It's hard now, but he will be the regretful one, not you. [​IMG]
     
  5. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    Nikki....so sorry to read all of this. take so deep breaths girl. [​IMG]
     
  6. CedarRidgeChicks

    CedarRidgeChicks Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 5, 2009
    Adair Co.Ky
    Oh Wow!!..What a blow!!..No advice just thoughts and prayers for you and baby!!!
     
  7. monarc23

    monarc23 Coturnix Obsessed

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    Jul 18, 2008
    Indiana, Pennsylvania
    thank you for the responces so far. I told him that this is hurting the baby and he told me that I am just saying that to get sympathy from him to get him to come back. He told me he will come to the first sonogram and if things still arent better for me emotionally by then I am going to ask my doctor right infront of him how bad stress can effect a pregnancy. He was my world. I hope you (and my mom) are right that theres still someone out there for me. I honestly am scared that no one will want this. I am a dependant type of person, its going to be a hard road to get me to be independant btu I know i have to be for the baby. I just dont know what to do. My mom has been crying right along with me for the one who asked about my mom. She is devistated for me, she wants to be angry at him (and i know she is on the inside) but she doesnt' want to cause any problems since he's going to be in my life wether we al like it or not since he'll want to be in this babies life.

    I asked him for a chance today on the phone (text) and he told me that theres no way he's coming back, he's "not going to die miserable". My worry about normal things is what caused him to be Miserable. Like not seeing him for an entire week and wanting him home to spend time with me.... that was making him miserable. I told him this, and he disagrees but I know better. I know that waht caused this was only slightly me.... what mostly caused this is he thought at this stage in his life that he'd already have his own home, but with the economy the way it is his job is a fluctuating mad house... but guess what... it's looking better for him and i think the scariness of it fluctuating, considing with me being pregnant, and now it getting better at work made him want to run. He's ran before away from me for silly reasons like this, but we worked it out.... but theres no working it out this time. Guarrenteed it's over. I really truely do hope he regrets it someday because I know I am not as horrible as hemakes me out to be.
     
  8. SarahFair

    SarahFair Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    I feel so bad for you! If you were closer I would come visit you..



    While I was preggo I painted the babies room to match the set I bought. It kept me busy for a couple weeks....
     
  9. monarc23

    monarc23 Coturnix Obsessed

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    Indiana, Pennsylvania
    Quote:thank you, i wish you were too haha. I wish any of you were. Sadly im not allowed to decorate my walls here at home, not even a thumbtack allowed inteh walls [​IMG] darn picky parents.
     
  10. Camelot Farms

    Camelot Farms Chickenista

    You CAN do this. You are a strong, capable woman.

    If I can make a suggestion? I would immediately retain an attorney so that upon service of his petition to you, you are on your feet and running.

    Dont let him think for a moment that you are weak or unprepared (even if you feel like you are). Do not let him take advantage of you financially, even if he has already taken advantage of you emotionally. This is the time to look out for your baby's financial future.

    He is responsible for all of your medical bills and the baby's. He needs to be set up for child support from the moment that precious little one draws breath. Think to the future...college, medical expenses etc for the next 18 years.

    He might be able to duck out of the marriage but dont allow him to duck out of his responsibilities....every last one of them!!!

    Select an attorney who specializes in family law. (Oh, and since this whole mess was his idea...be sure your attorney adds his/her fees onto his list of financial responsibilities).

    You and your little one will be fine! You CAN do this.

    [​IMG]
     
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