I finally wrote a letter to the county. Proofread and comments please

[furbabymum]

I had a problem with your first sentence. Fixed:
I am writing to request that legislation changes be made so that chickens are allowed to be kept in unincorporated residential portions of our county.

 

[k3llyVA]

I agree with the suggestion to edit the paragraph regarding the stores. You could, however, expand on your first sentence about chicken keeping being part of a consumer trend towards more ecologically minded communities. This is from the Arlington Egg Project website (we're trying to get ordinances changes here in Arlington VA also):

"Many people have become interested in growing their own food or buying food locally, and keeping egg-laying hens is part of a “locavore” movement that is expanding throughout the country. More and more communities have revised zoning ordinances to allow backyard hens. For some people, it's the next step in home gardening, enabling them to have wholesome, inexpensive eggs -- as well as great garden compost."

Or something like that. You might find other info on the website helpful:
http://www.arlingtoneggproject.org/index.html

A couple of "proofreading" suggestions:

Quote:
I also agree with the suggested change for your first sentence. One possible addition- are you asking for hens only? If so, perhaps change "chickens" in that first line to "a small number of hens". If not, making it "a small number of chickens" makes it sound reasonable right off the bat. Asking that legislation be changed to allow "chickens" leaves the reader free to imagine huge coops of dozens of chickens.... you don't want that!