I just need to vent about my MIL

[gel2727]

Okay, so my husband and I live in a duplex owned by his parents, they also own a house. We (actually I) recently just closed on buying their house from them. They moved in to the other side of the duplex and we are moving to the house once they are completely out.

So his mother is not quiet about the fact that she hates it here. But their plan was to live here for 2 or 3 years until the market goes up, and then sell this and buy a condo or small house. Well...they are not even completely moved out of the house yet, and the other day she was all excited because she saw a house she wants to buy. My husband has not only been in a difficult nursing program, but has also been working his butt off over there to fix the place up for them. It's been over a year he's been working on it! And the day after he finished is when she brought up buying a house.

We are on Main St. and to get the most money, they would have to sell as commercial property, which means any buyer will just tear this place down. Oh and she was very picky about everything that went in here too, everything had to be just so.

AND the old mower recently gave out, and she made a whole big thing about buying a walk behind with a key starter so that she could mow the lawn herself. She mowed half the lawn the day they bought it (it was not cheap) and has been nagging my husband to mow the lawn all week.

He has enough to worry about! Whenever he is over there his blood pressure is through the roof. I think we have both had enough of her and CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE!!!

(Did I mention the closing was over a month ago and they are nowhere near being out yet? She goes for maybe an hour packing and then its "I'm tired, I'm going home".) AARG


Sorry about the long rant, but it feels good to get it out.

 

[HennyPennies2007]

My doctor told me when I got married 28 years ago...."Family is great, but they need to be at least 700 miles away." He was right.

 

[beak]

Sounds like you should go help them pack. We lived in Ft Worth about 20 miles from my parents. My father died in 1988 and I had to spend at least 1 day every weekend with my mother. After 5 my BIL got out of the Air Force and they moved to Ft Worth. We were gone within 3 months. We now live 110 miles from any relatives. Makes life much nicer. Family can be a real burden sometimes. My wife and our kids take care of all my needs as a human.

 

[gel2727]

We were there this weekend to help them pack, I was wrapping glasses in newspaper, I could have had the whole kitchen done in an hour, but she had to tell a story about every piece. After maybe an hour she goes, well I'm tired let's go home.....I was just looking around like.???? I told my husband I would gladly go there and pack all their stuff.

 

[HennysMom]

Quote:
Sometimes things are hard to let go of......and that includes houses - they become our homes and part of our lives. It becomes a "finality" of sorts when one moves from a place they've known for so long and packing up treasured family pieces sometimes has the same effect. Cut MIL a little slack, maybe its what she's experiencing. Maybe in doing all of this its brought her around to thinking about more things than just "I hate it here...". You just dont know.

With all that being said, I would go forward and

1. pack up the things for her - she may not like it initially and may balk about it - but at least it will be done. Ya'll did purchase the house so...she can still come "visit it" so to speak.

2. Mow the grass - its just something you should do for your parents IMO. I live 60 miles away from my mom and when I visit I still offer to cut the grass, clean the house, plant whatever needs to be done and do whatever I see. She says no most of the time, but I do it anyway and she complains out loud "I said I'd get it" but secretly, I know she's happy I did it. She doesnt like to ask anyone for help - she's proud that way since Dad passed. (and mom is not anywhere near elderly - she'll only be 60 in September). DH does the same thing for his mom also.

3. Be prepared for MIL to continue to still "be picky" about everything you do to and for the house you purchased from her.

Sorry.... true. nothing you do will be "as good or as nice" as what she did. You will paint and it will be the wrong color, you will remove wall paper and she will vetch how long it took to put it up or that it looked better with it than without. Just know that this will happen - the more prepared you are for it.. the better. This goes for any plantings you decide to put in as well

(or take out for that matter) LOL.

She's your MIL and your DH's mom. Are they perfect? Nooooo... can they be down right mean sometimes as all people can be? Absolutely, they can. But.. we are only here for a little while on this earth - so.... we can tolerate, grin and bear it and just smile while they go through their nuances and little quirks.

to you both!

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:

And, I always said you want to live just far enough away to make them think twice about the drive over to visit!!

 

[TipsyDog]

I have the BEST MIL in the world! She lives 4,000 miles away and doesn't speak English! I love her!

Anyway - it sounds to me like your husband need to cut the cord and move on. He shouldn't let his mother take up so much of his time. He's a married man now and has a wife that he should be looking after. Doing things for your mother is fine, but working on her picky crap for a YEAR?

Where is your FIL in all of this? Does he also have nothing to say? He should be setting her straight on a few issues too!

 

[gel2727]

Well I have no problem mowing the grass, I like doing it, my husband too. It's just the fact that she "had to have" this special mower so she could do it herself (her own decision). And she doesn't ask him to cut the grass, it's "well why don't you cut the grass?" "when are you going to cut the grass?" "the grass looks terrible why aren't you cutting it?"
I'd go out and do it myself just so my husband doesn't have to stress about it, but it's locked in their garage.


My FIL doesn't say much, and when he does she nearly bites his head off. I'm sure he used to stick up for himself more, but he's very sick and probably just doesn't want to waste time arguing anymore.