I live with a bunch of pigs!

[r4eboxer]

Sorry I cannot fix all the typs the iPad isn't the best for making posts on here. We need an iPad app.

Honest to Pete! No one in my house picks up, puts away, wipes up anything or takes off mud ridden cleats.

I cannot keep up. My boys and my DH take their clothes off of where they stand and tHrow them on the floor. I find all sorts of clothes everywhere. I had four large loads I picked up from the family room this week. I just kept adding to the pile in the middle of the floor all week. Most of it can be worn again. I find clothes in corners all over the house. I even have to pick them up out of the kitchen. I just took HUGE tubs of clothes out of the hallway that were not dirty. My son just doesn't put away his clean clothes when I bring them to him. When he cleans his room he just throws all the clothing on his floor into the hall for me.

If they are in the kitchen fixing something nothing is ever put or thrown away. I have empty boxes of Mac and cheese I have to throw away, spills all over the counter, food stuck to pans and dishes just left. My DH just made coco wheats and the box is sitting on the stove and all ingredients left for me to put away. I really can not give a clear picture to anyone the disaster my house is in at all times. I can't even keep up they have it tore back up before I ever get things in order.

My boys play football and come in the family room in mud packed cleats. When the mud dries I have clomps of dirt all over. It is laminate floor but still.

I work full time and run my boys to football practice every night and to three games a week. The weekends I try to get some things done but the youngest has games and I always have to stop to go watch him. I never can do the things like windows, floors, walls etc. Because all my time is spent playing pick up and trying to get the laundry in some sort of manageable situation. If I do end up getting it all washed and on the folding table by the end of the weekend they will go down and riffle through it and don't put it back. They just let it fall on the floor for me to pick back up.

Now I have tried to solve this by talking to them. Anytime I do it is received to be £|tch!ng. I have tried giving chores, rewards, grounding etc. Nothing works! My dh and I had some relationship problems and part of it was the mess issues and I left foe 4months. Well they fell in line for a while but know it is back the the same ole same ole routine.

My dh works two jobs. He just started doing this the past three months. He didn't help any when he wasn't working a lot previously but know I have both the boys all the time, all the animals to take care of, all the running to games and practice and this huge mess to try to balance. I feel myself getting to a braking point and I am going to blow my top!!!

.

 

[Hillbilly Hen]

So sorry

How old are your kids? Is it possible to make them do their own laundry?

 

[r4eboxer]

Quote:
Thanks, I just need to vent to someone. I started talking to dh and he just walked away. Don't get me wrong he is a good man just completely indifferent to a clean or organized house. His mother was way overboard with cleanliness and organization when he was growing up and he rebelled.

My boys still at home are 16 and 11. Yes I have threatened them with that and it's time to make it a rule. I am gathering my thoughts today to get a plan together. I am going to go with a reward type program. We pay my older sons cell phone etc so he is going to start earning that monthly privilege. I am going to take 25 cents away from any rewards every time I pick up something they have left laying or a mess they made. Geez I may need to start with a dime, they could end up owing me money. You know I think I may even have them earn tv time and video game time.

They don't have a problem with garden chores and animal chores but those are my therapy and I want to do those things.

 

[EweSheep]

Go on strike! Wash your own clothes. Do the boys have a clothes hamper in their bedrooms? If not, get them one. If they still insist to throw the clothes on the floor, brush them to their bedrooms and close the door.

Yep, going on strike will do! IF they moan, whine and complain too bad! Let them know from now on to this day forward, you will NOT do their laundry, pick them up or do dishes (except your own and after washing them, put them next to you so they don't get that opporunity to use your clean stuff!)

Indeed, they are pigs!

 

[Hillbilly Hen]

My kids are grown and gone now so I say I am semi retired

I never had a problem with doing the outside things either. It was then I needed more help with the inside things. One day I had my youngest son hang laundry and he did a half way job of it because he didn't want to touch everyone's underthings. From then on he had to do his own laundry. My middle son would not put his dirty clothes in the laundry room until after I was done washing clothes, so he no longer had his done for him either. There comes a time when you have to stand your ground because your time is valuable to you if not to anyone else. Just be consistant with whatever you decide to do.

 

[stoopid]

I am going thru the same thing. Can they eat on their own, or would they starve if you stopped cooking?
Sounds like they need to starve....
Good luck, I wish you strength.

 

[chickmashnoon]

how old are your boys? old enough to fold laundry? if so, tell them that once it is folded they need to put it away or it will get thrown away. And if they can't put it in a hamper rather than on the floor, same thing. And stick to it. Refuse to buy more clothes. Once they are down to one outfit and have to dig for their football jersey in the garbage, they will start paying attention. Right now their only reprecussion is you complaining. Tell them you really don't want to be a nag, so for their own convenience you are only going to tell them one more time. And then start throwing the clothes on the floor into garbage bags and setting them in the garage. You probably don't have to actually throw them away, I would think the humiliation of not having clean clothes to wear and having to pick them out of a garbage bag will probably start to sink in. Once they start to get in the habit of it, it won't seem like such a big deal, but people really don't change their habits unless forced and it takes a while for that new habit to become ingrained. Also, I would see if you can get some counseling in your marriage, or just the whole family. Things go so much easier if you can work as a unit. Or delegate. You can wash, your husband can fold, your kids can put their stuff away. Folding laundry while watching tv can be a "productive" use of time. I often dump the clean laundry on my hubby when he is on the couch watching tv- a subtle hint- and he folds it cause he'd rather fold it and watch than have to get up and switch loads and gather up dirty laundry.

Or even sit them down and ask them how best they would like to do this since you cannot continue this way. Have them brainstorm some ways that they can help out. Sometimes if they come up with the idea rather than being told, it goes over much easier. Or bribe

if they all do really good for a week, offer a family outting. if they continue for a month, offer something else they would like.

 

[sonew123]

Quote:
AMEN!!! STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE..I've done it before and it works like a charm...DO nothing for them until they start to do it for themselves-theyll learn when they go to put clean clothes on and they aren't there..The clothes are in big stinky piles in their rooms! Dishes too-put them in their rooms--it gets gross but stick to your guns..If they can't load the Dishwasher or unload to put theirs in-they can suffer the consequences!

 

[flocksalot]

I hear ya! My husband is the same way. My son is just 8 and does pick up when reminded, but my husband is a different story. He will take the cap off a beer right next to the garbage and still set it on the counter. He leaves tea rappers and bags everywhere always near where the garbage is. He will go buy new socks rather than pick up the ones all over the house so they get laundered. We are currently building a new home and living in a tiny apt. Because I spend all my time taking care of the farm I'm never home and have decided to let him figure it out. I clean up the filth but never the clutter, so when he can't find things like his clean clothing for work I just say "did you put them in the laundry?" He gets really ticked, but I will not clean up after him anymore. When we move into the new home he had better have a handle on it or I will be using a shovel to toss his crap into the burn pile. I can't stand it, but it is finally starting to get to him. This morning he went through one of his piles of stuff and sorted the good from the bad. Yeah!!!! I would be expecting those boys to be doing some of the cleaning. If they want to play in sports and expect you to drive them all over then they had better be doing some work for you. My son wanted to do baseball this summer and that meant I had to do his chores on the nights of practice and games plus I ended up being the one to take him. I made sure he repaid me in kind. He had to do extra work in the garden and help with some things around the house. I refuse to allow anyone else to turn me into their maid. If Alex couldn't do the chores done, get his homework done, and go to sports something would give. Sports are the first thing to go. I also mandate no and I me NO shoes in the house. If someone forgets they are doing the cleaning. I say hand them the broom, dustmop, or vacuum and a basket. When they have no clean clothes to wear they will learn. If they want to wear dirty clothing just let everyone know they won't clean up after theirselves and have chosen the life of a pig rather than be considerate to their mother. My older son cleans his place spotless and his roommates love him. She and her husband are very gratful that he had a mother that wouldn't allow him to become a pig. Once when he was about five or six and he left his bedroom a total disaster I cleaned it up and gave away all the toys he had left lying around. He had been warned, and this mother means business. I never make a threat I won't follow through with. John is 29 and still remembers that lesson. I replaced the toys as he reearned them, but he had to earn them with extra work. When he first met my husband to be he just couldn't believe what a slob he was. All he kept saying is Joe's mother failed to teach him big time. Believe me your futher in laws will be thankful if you can get them to be more responsible. As a daughter in law I forever think someone seriously failed with my husband on this. I don't want to change him, but I do want him to take responsiblity for his own crap. After all it is about respect. I only give respect if it is given back.

 

[Dar]

Quote:
you and I think alike..


my family was doing the same thing and they thought because I am home during the day now and only work nights that I could you know do more... like when do I sleep?...

anyway...

I stopped doing things for everyone else with the exception of making meals.

My daughter who is 9 came to me and said "mommy I dont have any pants for school".. I said yes you do they are all over your room... I did the same to my husband and my son (14)

they started doing their own laundry...

we ran out of milk and bread.... "mommy theres no milk or bread".. my reply was.. was it on the list... answer was no so I didnt buy it..

its been 3 weeks now and things are changing.. yesterday morning my son was up at 7am to make sure he got the washer and dryer first and got his laundry done. he went from 3 loads a week down to 2.. hmmm funny thing happens when they do it for themselves... they dont try it on and toss it in the hamper.