I need ideas on condolense gift.

[Eggs4Sale]

Okay, that is exactly what I had been trying to get out of my Mom. When to send something. I like the idea of doing it in a week. I remember the same feeling of everything thrown at you, chaos, chaos, chaos, then one day, everything vanished, and you're alone. I really like the idea of bringing something in a week.

 

[wegotchickens]

Quote:
That's the way it was for us in March when my kid's dad died (my ex, but it left a surprising gap in my world, too). For 2 weeks everyone was checking on us, bringing food, sending notes. But in April it was all gone and the kids were still hurting so badly. That's when my sister's dinner gift card really came in handy.
She sent one for dinner out, and one for a local movie theatre.

That movie theatre gift was a real blessing on Father's Day. I took the kids out and spoiled them rotten (their own popcorn, drink and even their own CANDY when we usually share everything). They were tickled and didn't realize that it was ploy to keep them away from the TV and endless Father's Day episodes for every show ever made.

If you don't send a gift right away, think about a small gift basket for Thanksgiving or Christmas. That's when it will hit this poor family all over again.

 

[MandyH]

The usual thing for us is a meat/cheese tray, chips, bread, 12 pack of soda, paper plates, forks, napkins etc... It's expensive but I figure it really helps out not having to wash dishes.

 

[Sunny Side Up]

Bless you for caring, and acting on those feelings. And blessings for comfort & healing to the rest of you also walking through grief.

In lieu of the store-bought sympathy card (I especially detest those that rhyme!) a personal note detailing the reasons the departed made a positive impact on you will be much more meaningful. Sometimes you think "oh, I barely knew that person, it would be awkward to send the family a card" but really, it's the notes from unexpected sources that often mean the most. You expect to hear from family & close friends, but when you receive condolences from others more distant, and then to hear how their loved one touched their life, it means a lot.

In lieu of a meal just dropped off, a gift card to a restaurant, grocery store, or food/meal delivery service might be more useful. I agree, often you're overloaded with food right after the loss, much of it goes to waste, then weeks afterwards you wish it was back.

And maybe, instead of a stuffed toy (my kids never played with them) perhaps a gift card to a toy store, book store, or a place like the zoo or movie would be more welcome to the boy, and a nice diversion for the mom.

Since your husband is this boy's Cub Scout leader, perhaps he could find more practical ways this family will need help, and get the scouts involved. Maybe they already have a church or other organization that is helping them, and the scouts can tie in with them. This family may be needing help in the months to come, with chores the dad used to do, with leaf raking or snow shoveling or things like that.

Thanks for starting this thread, it's helping us all be more thoughtful.

 

[FrenchHen]

Frozen casseroles in aluminum pans are good. Dried fruit and non perishable food is good.
Inviting the boy to do things out of the house might be nice if you have kids his age.
Watch the lawn, see if you can rake and run or mow and run so she gets a nice surprise. Offer your husband as a handyman if she needs something like that.

Invite her to get coffee or go grocery shopping so she just doesn't have to be alone so much.

Deaths in the family are so hard.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Okay, So the consensus is wait on the gift. Agreed.

I'll have to think about the actual item:
Either a Cracker Barrel gift card
or
Fruit/cracker/cheese tray deal

NOW, in the meantime, I just found out that the funeral is tomorrow.
What's the protocol?
If you've had no contact for more than a year...
I don't want the wife thinking "Why's SHE here?" But then, at my dad's funeral, I didn't notice anyone. Does it mean something to the wife to have by-gone acquaintances show up?

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Sunny_Side_Up said "In lieu of the store-bought sympathy card (I especially detest those that rhyme!) a personal note detailing the reasons the departed made a positive impact on you will be much more meaningful. Sometimes you think "oh, I barely knew that person, it would be awkward to send the family a card" but really, it's the notes from unexpected sources that often mean the most. You expect to hear from family & close friends, but when you receive condolences from others more distant, and then to hear how their loved one touched their life, it means a lot."

You're right. I didn't remember it until you said that. Those were the touching letters that pulled me away from myself, and made me know that some people really knew my Dad. I will do this.

 

[Sunny Side Up]

As long as you don't sit up front and cry real loud, or wear something showy or a big hat with fruit & flowers, I think it would be a real nice gesture for you, a distant acquaintance, to come to the funeral. Or maybe just the wake/viewing, that's more informal. I don't think it would be inappropriate, to come & offer your condolences, to say "You may not know me, but I think your husband was such a nice man because... (insert your reasons) ... and I wanted to offer my sympathies to his family."

 

[Rare Feathers Farm]

Quote:
A rose bush (living) or tree is also nice. Or bring over some lasagna or casserole that can be frozen & eaten when they feel like eating...

 

[wegotchickens]

Is there a visitation before the funeral? Or tonight?
Going to that, offering your personal condolences, and then leaving, is perfectly acceptable. Just make sure you wear church clothes and comfy shoes (in case there's a line).
Even if she doesn't know you or really register it, it means a lot to have a crowd show up and show that the departed made a difference.