I need some help from byc members.

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Schellie, it sounds like your FIL is a very wise man and I'm glad that he's a fan of yours! I'm sure he can relate quite well to the fact that his son is happy and that a big part of that is because you let him be himself and do what he loves and haven't tried to mold him into to something else.

And seriously dear, I doubt that the ONLY reason he married you was because you were different than his mother and she disliked you. If that were the case the relationship wouldn't have held together for very long. Just accept he thought you were perfect for HIM! and his mother not liking you was just an added bonus!
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Your are right but we do joke about him marrying me because his mom didn't like me. We have been married for 17 years and I know he loves me for me. It is just a little joke now. He knew that I would just let him be him and that was important. The other funny thing is my mom love my DH and takes his side on things.
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I know you want to please your MIL and win her over. Unfortunately, That train has already left the station. Long ago, She decided to disapprove of you, her son's professional choices and many other things in life. It's a shame she is unhappy and stressed over things she has no control over.....but you don't have to take that trip with her. If you can overlook her bad behavior (and maybe even pity her critical, unhappy spirit) and detach yourself from her judgemental opinions......you can be FREE. I encourage you not to enter HER prison where she will torture you. She really has no more control over you that what you give her. Don't give her that power. It took me YEARS to learn this and I wish someone had told me sooner. I have declared myself free of the expectations of others as I go about my life being the kind, industrious, loving person that I really respect. Change your thinking, change your life.

My prayers are with you.
 
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I have it is just that if she has a melt down in affects my DH which makes living with him a pain. I am living my life my way, I have a garden and chickens and someday a farm and DH and I will just enjoy each other and our family.

To dkvart1 yes mothers some days.
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You married your husband not his mother. You are nice to her- any problems that she has with you are HER problems. Don't allow them to become yours. Check out my signature line. Hopefully today is brighter.
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''I just feel like I am lost and don't know how to get back to feeling better. I have no idea why things are getting to me right now. I do feel like my MIL judges me since I was not her choice for her son, I never measure up and I always feel like she would like to see me go away.''

well. been there done that.
and yet, everyday the husband tells me How wonderful I am, how much he loves me, and that he thinks I am beautiful, smart, and smell good. (I think that's just his perspective, but it is the only one that counts
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I did not marry his parents. I married him. So I wasn't their choice, I make HIM happy. They got to marry who they chose, Their son should have the same right.

I am pretty sure their first choice would have been a misery for your husband, because you were his choice!
Trying to spend all of your time pleasing people who can not be pleased is NOT your job!
Enjoy your life. They can get around to enjoying theirs...unless making you miserable is their pleasure, in which case don't let them make you miserable...it will eat them up.

I wasted almost fifty years trying to please impossible people. Please do not make my mistake. Live, Love, Laugh, and hug a chicken. Life is good. And it is YOUR life.
The harder you try to please them the more they will always expect. Be you, Be happy.
Trust me on this one.
I have been burnt so badly I am still smoking.
never again.
 
Sourland, thank you yes I do have friends that are family. I respect my MIL she did give birth to the man I love. The visit did go better then I thought it was just a lot all at once and I had plans that weekend for just my DH and I and our kids, so I was a little upset that I had to change my plans. Oh well it all worked out, DH and I finished planting my garden yesterday together it was so great.

3goodeggs- I understand my DH tells me how much he loves me, and he is the one that matters. I spent years in an abusive relationship and have the scars to show it. I am thankful for the great man I have for a husband now. I have a saying that I love like I have never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, live life everyday. I hope you are doing okay now.
 
Ok, here's a saying I saw on a bookmark, of all places, but it makes a lot of sense:

A woman is like a tea bag, she never knows how strong she is until she gets into hot water.
 

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