I need to vent too!

[Xtina]

It's good to hear someone else's take on it, and to know I'm not the only one who feels rejected by this attitude.

I was so loved and accepted as a little kid, that it never occurred to me that there was something I could do that would make my family not want to see me. On a miniscule scale, I kind of feel like I understand what it would be like to be the only gay person in a family, or to be the black sheep in some other way. And all I've done is live a state away and own two dogs.

Although to be honest, I know that no matter how my siblings had turned out, I would never have treated them this way. I don't care if they had been serial killers, I'd have still gone to visit them in prison, and taken my kids to visit their aunt or uncle. It would have to be a pretty indecent environment for me to refuse to visit a sibling...almost unimaginably indecent. So it's tough to accept that she doesn't feel the same way about me.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I don't think anyone has said you need to stop feeling a connection to your sister, brother and mother. But you do need to change your focus from what you don't have to what you do have. You can't and shouldn't try to change that you feel hurt, you can however choose to focus on your time and energy on things you do have and over which you have control. Feel grateful that you have a sister, feel grateful that she made the effort to spend time with her kid sister as you were growing up. Don't try to change yourself to suit her or to change her to suit you. Find things you both enjoy doing together, that put you on a more even level. There is nothing wrong with vacationing together instead or always visiting in each other's homes.

 

[Xtina]

Ok. Right now though, I doubt we'll ever vacation together either. I'm trying to think of the last place my sister traveled, and I can't. I'm sure she only grudgingly goes to her mother-in-law's house. So I don't think we'll be going anywhere together either.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

That wasn't really meant as a "do this," but more as a "find and do something that makes you both happy."

 

[saddina]

Actually I do understand your sister.

There is no way I'd send my boys on a plane trip alone at 9 & 5, too many things can go wrong. I come from a large family and hate visiting anyone, specifically having to share a bathroom, when I was a kid holidays were 6 or so of us in line for the one bathroom 18 people were supposed to share. It wouldn't be about the dog as much as my boys around your dogs.

When we did go visit hubby's family for holidays we'd rent a hotel suite for the week, and drive out to various people, suited us all fine (Evan has asthma, there was no way I was going to put him into houses with 20+ years of smoke buildup, the boy could not breathe there). Some people don't mind the everyone piled in the house thing, other people like thier own space, both is fine. Any kind of travel with small boys is awful, esp. airplane where they must stay for long periods quietly, I've flown once since Sept 11th, and happily drove the 16 hour trip the other 3 times.

 

[Xtina]

The only thing I want to clarify is that I only suggested that the seven year old come on his own after she said she was unsure about leaving the other two with their father. If she didn't want to come, she doesn't have to keep him from coming. And I wasn't insistent about that part at all (or really any of it). I understand if he's not old enough, and anyway, I'd rather just my sister come if it has to be just one person. That way, she could see my house isn't as bad as whatever she's imagining.

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
I completely agree!

ME TOO!

 

[Rolsjo]

Quote:
This pretty much sums it up. If she doesn't feel comfortable having her boys around the dogs, then it's her decision as the parent. It seems that she doesn't put the same value on family that you do. That is her choice. It's sad, but if she is unwilling to change you can't do anything about it. You may have to be the one to make all the visits, if you want to keep the relationship going.

I know how imbalanced some families are. My DH's sister is always whining about how we live so far away, but she has never even seen our house. We see her about once a month when we go to visit. We do that because we want our kids to know their uncle, aunt and cousins, even if it's not as important to them. It's just life.

As far as sending her 7yo alone on a plane, as a mom, there is no way I would ever let mine go unaccompanied. I share your sister's caution. No one will ever take care of your children like you do.