If I throw the baby shower ....

[The Chicken People]

Shouldn't I pick the place it will be thrown?

 

[GaNewChick]

I would say yes. But I guess we need more details. Are we talking church, someone's home, restrauant? Is mom to be not happy where you want to have it and why?

 

[redhen]

I would say yes...

 

[The Chicken People]

My oldest daughter met her dh on Halloween one year ago. Moved in with him and his family. Told us on Fathers day she would be married on Sept 26. Her mil helped with everything of planning wedding, bridal shower ( thrown by mil and maid of honor was at mil's house).I attended shower with gift in hand! I was left out of the loop on everything except driving to Kansas for a wedding in a church my daughter never even attended. Ok over all that ...Two months after wedding...she is pregnant! Due date is August 16th! Yeah! Her dad and I are throwing her and dh a baby shower..Just like we did for our younger daughter two years ago! Now I am being told that her mil doesnt like me and wont come to my house. We live less than 15 miles from them! I dont want to waste money on renting a stupid place at a park...lake is out of question because everyone would have to pay to get in! I am planning food cake etc..for about 50 to 60 guest! $500 will be spent on gifts because MIL decided to wait until after the baby shower to buy whatever baby still needs? ( I dont understand that reasoning from the woman who beged for the wedding and baby) Her first grandchild at that! So am I being unreasonable? dd and I spent day together yesterday..she decided it would be at my house. She Went home talked to dh and he wants it at Macken Park. I dont Macken Park brings sad memories to me and will make me cry the whole time I am there! I dont need that!

 

[Buff Hooligans]

I think you have the right to chose, UNLESS your venue creates a hardship for some guests (i.e. expensive restaurant, someplace far away, a non-handicap access place, non-child friendly, etc.)

 

[GaNewChick]

Your house and stand firm by your decision. Good luck!

 

[FireTigeris]

Showers are for the woman folk, dh doesn't get a vote, sil doesn't get a vote -

mil needs to suck it up-

Send her an invitation and a quick phone call (best on answering machine) assume she will be there...

continue with life

 

[The Chicken People]

double posted sorry!

 

[The Chicken People]

My house is easy for most to get to..right off the highway. And closer for some! My dh will be putting up canopies for extra shade. My house is clean and nice even if it is small! The shower will be outside tables, chairs, bbq brisket sandwiches and sides, cake, ice cream..which would melt at a park! I know she only wants one shower but I dont feel I should budge on this one! And if needed my DH would build the sturdiest wheelchair ramp you ever seen!

Thats the kinda man I got!

 

[PineappleMama]

And you care about the DAD'S opinion why? Showers are supposed to be all about the GIRL... not the guy.

Bridal Shower... all about the bride...
Baby Shower... all about the baby (and the lady carrying it)

I doubt the hubby woulda been okay with your daughter telling him that his stag party had to happen at the Tea Shoppe, so where does he get off telling her where she should have HER shower? Sounds like he's a wee bit controlling, and that he's being controlled by the apron strings that are still tightly around his throat. I'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't an adult and thus responsible for his own decisions, but he is and thus his WIFE'S needs should come first... particularly when she's in a delicate hormonal state. If he can't get that through his head now I can't imagine what it'll be like later... is his mother going to demand she have the baby at home? And her home to boot? Really, you gotta draw the line somewhere. If she's hellbent on this then maybe she should throw a shower for 'her side'... once your side's already bought everything the baby/mom need of course.

Sorry, just reminds me of the stories my Gran told about her MIL back in the day... she married an only child, and it was a nightmare... not counting that he was a lunatic (family site so I won't elaborate) that woman did everything she could to punish her for having the audacity to marry her son... wouldn't have mattered if she was the queen of England, not good enough... the control battles, nitpicking, hatefulness started at the beginning and just got worse... I love my kids... dread when they'll start dating, but dangit once they're adults you gotta let go (and then cry into your pillow)...

If it was me, I'd plan the shower at my home (WHERE YOUR DAUGHTER IS COMFORTABLE!!!!) and anyone who doesn't show, that's on them. Their choice to come or not, you can't force them. If you want to be 100% sure that you can't be blamed then let DD or even her DH help with the invitations... if your mailing them, ask them to drop them at the post office... or if you email out a note then make sure they are CC'd on the whole list... that way no one can say YOU were purposely trying to exclude anyone. The choice is all on them. It's a transition period for everyone, but if you don't put your foot down now it could snowball into a nightmare. I think with a MIL like that I'd very much appreciate a mom that's on MY side, and willing to say so. Particularly in the emotional months to come!!

*hugs for the awesome mom*