im a bad friend,, so what does a 'good friend' do here?

[hunterjumper999]

I think i'm a pretty crappy friend in general. Maybe I'm a total weirdo but i really don't care to have more than 5 ( for the sake of argument) good friends and leave it at that. I find it really hard to balance everyone and end up blowing off the friends whom are for whatever reason more complicated to do stuff with.


My df and I have a set of 'couple' friends... who keep inviting us over to their house . They live about 40 minutes from 'town' and we live about 30 mins further than that... so a trip is about an hour and fifteen minutes. We keep saying we will come over and then literally DREADING it the night before. It sucks up the whole entire day. . . and that is me talking, the df just says that it's a far drive and does it happily. I thought we could start meeting in town for dinner once a week and call that our friendship and just toss in the odd bbq or other outing here and there. . . i'm all about low maintenance friendships! I also lack social skills so short of telling them flat out that we like them but don't like the drive/distance/time suck that happens when we go over there I'm out of options!


Well, this weekend they invited us over to work on the husbands truck on Saturday ... I have work so I will get dropped off at 8 and picked up when im done and brought back to their house for the remainder of the day . It's going to be a really long day and they want to come to our place the next day. when do i clean the house in preparation for their visit? after a 14 hour day of work / their house? I already said it was fine so i can't go back, but i just want some advice on how to avoid this ever happening again ! I've already got DF on the bbq for sunday so that I dont have to cook.

Truth is i was hoping to just go see my bestest chickenfriend who lives right around the corner and hang out and relax...

 

[SourRoses]

How does that make you a bad friend?

My best friends are those who only have a few others....

Well save one.. who alwyas has time anyway

But it's hard with most others to be part of a 'collective' where each one is spoken to about once a month.

So theres nothing wrong with only have a few close friends.. and if life is busy.. I'm sure they understand... A good friend will be there for you in the end anyway.

 

[hunterjumper999]

something happened, i posted a fragmented half post

its fixed now

 

[ams4776]

I only have a few good friends and its great. They get me and if i havta cancel (kids money whayever) they dont care. But if they need a shoulder or anything i can provide im there. My bff lives 30 min away i barely see her and shes expecting her first kid. Doesnt bother our friendship at all that we see each other rarely. Good friendships move both ways

 

[eenie114]

First, I don't think that's crappy, I think that's normal. I can count on one hand the people I consider to be 'close' friends.

Second, maybe talk to them about meeting them halfway? As far as cleaning the house, a good friend won't care. I mean, don't have dirty laundry all over the sofa or whathaveyou, but a bit of a mess should not faze them at all.

 

[definetlydeb]

Quote:
You should always just be honest first with yourself, and then your friends....they will understand, if they are a good friend(s)...and you will no longer have to beat yourself up over it because...it will be all out in the open!!! Hope it all works out for you, and hey as I see it, so what if my house isn't all tidied up...did they come to see me or the way my house looks, a good friend won't care!!! Best wishes, hope your work day is an easy one and you enjoy your weekend!!!!

!!!!

 

[whiteflare]

Oh, my! You don't sound like a bad friend at all, I'd probably feel exactly the same way! I have three good friends. Three. Personally, I feel that a good friend is the one who isn't offended when you turn them down, and is willing to just meet some place and talk, doesn't need to be fancy or a big dinner party or something like that.

 

[Mattemma]

I have 2 good friends that I pretty much see once a year,and the rest of the time it is phone or email. I would tell your far friend that with work and all that is going on you find it difficult(tiring) to host friends at the home. I would suggest the dinner meet up,but even that can be annoying when there are nights you end up not wanting to go out.A friend though will understand. I have had my friend cancel visits quiet a few times and I am understanding. Now if I had already prepped the house and bought tons of food then I might be a bit annoyed,but never enough to hold a long term grudge.Life is to short to be angry at those you love.

You will find a way to express yourself and meet your needs.Hopefully your friends will understand.Some friends want more out of a friendship than others.Have to find a middle ground.