I'm sad and just need to talk a bit...

[4H kids and mom]

So....I found my Jelly a home.

The lady came and got her yesterday and I cried like a big old baby as she pulled out of my driveway. It was just a bird, right? I shouldn't be so attached to a dumb old bird. She was noisey too. I should be happy to have quiet in the house again. Shouldn't I?

But I'm not. I look over at where her monster cage was for the past year and some, and cry. I don't hear her say "Mornin' Mama" and I cry. I don't hear her say "Hello? Who is it?" when the phone rings and I cry. She's gone....and I can't stop crying.

My DH doesn't get it. This was the only pet we've ever had that was only MINE. No one else in the house could hold her. The all feared her massive beak. I kissed it. They wouldn't go any closer to her than a foot away. I held her close and snuggled her and held her like a baby, and she would lay her head against my neck and make sweet purry noises and tell me "Love you Mama". But now she's gone.

I know I did the right thing. Deep down in my soul of souls I know she needed more than I could give her. With the expanding pet population on our property, and the prospect of becoming even bigger very soon....I would have even LESS time to give her. She needed to be someone's baby again. So she's gone now.

I can't believe how upset I am about this. I knew it would be hard, but this is killing me. It would almost be easier if she had died instead because at least then I would know. Right now I just don't know. I don't know anything.

I think thats the problem I'm having with this. I am a control freak. I NEED to be in control of things. When I'm not, it can get ugly. My DH and I go 'round and 'round on this all the time. He wants control, and I don't want to let it go. Now I don't know how my Jelly is, or what she's doing, or how they are treating her and I'm not in control. It scares me and makes me angry at the same time.

I want to tell them exactly how to care for her, how to do it all MY way, and I think to myself in my head that I want to do this for HER, to make it all easier on HER....but I guess it's not really true. I guess I really want to do it for me, to make it easier on me. How selfish am I. I feel pretty crummy about now.

The family seemed nice. She seemed to like them, though she's never been held by anyone but me and wouldn't go to them because I was there. They took her anyway. I told them it would take time, but in reality I don't know. Will she adjust to them? Will she call this other woman "Mama"? Oh, that pains me. Oh, that really hurts to think about.

She was my baby and I gave her away to a stranger. What kind of person am I? I feel so bad, I just keep crying. Ever try to type with tears filling your eyes? Its not easy to do! I know its silly, but dang it, I loved that bird. I STILL love that bird. I know that DH reminded me that birds take ALOT of attention. And she did. More than I had to give her. But dang I miss her terribly.

The house is silent this morning. No "Mornin' Mama" comin from a sleepy bird just waking up. No "I love you" coming from a beak that just blew me a kiss. No "Com 'ere" coming from the lonely critter watching me type on the computer. And no more "Peek a Boo! I see you!" coming from the other side of the door and making me laugh histarically as she hangs upside down from one foot and laughs her funny macaw laugh, or when she knows I'm down and tells me softly " 'sOK Mama. I love you!" like I said to her so many times when I held her close as the vet poked and proded her, or when she got so scared and shook so bad from hearing fireworks some dumb kid lit off right in front of our house when we lived in the city. I always told her " 'sOK. I love you." and now when I need to hear it too, she's not here to tell me. Please tell me I did not make a horrible mistake. Please tell me I wasn't wrong to ind her a home where she can again be the center of the world. Please tell me " 'sOK" and I'm not a bad Mama. Cuz I just can't stop the tears

 

[FingerLakesChick]

Geeeze, now I'm bawlin'!!

Poor Mama. You did the right thing, you really did. It must have been a hard decision, but you did do it for her.

Hiccup, sniff...

Chin up!!

 

[Barb Schuetz]

You know you did the right thing. You said yourself that she's not flourishing as well as she was when you had more time to give her or even when she had company. And we all get selfish about things like this. Letting her go and trusting that this new family will be able to give her the attention she needs and love her and treat her like thier baby will be a very hard thing to do, but give it time. In the meantime, I'll cry with you!

 

[justusnak]

Ohhhh 4H, I just cried with you...reading this post. sOK I am sure she will be just fine after some readjustment. Did you get the new families phone number? Did they say they would call you with updates? Did you tell them if it doesnt work out, they could bring her back? We all understand...its not " just a bird" She was your companion for a long time. I Do feel, however that if she needed more attention, you was right in finding her a good home. Not a BETTER home, but one hopefully as good...or close. Dont feel guilty...fell good, that she will be someones baby..and will be the center of thier life! Big birds like that need to be cuddled, and need lots of time with people, or can get nasty. You wouldnt want her to become nasty because of lack of attention. I am sure she is happy...and will be fine. You are not a bad momma....you are very thoughtfull of her needs. GOOD MOMMA!! It will take time to get over her not being there....but just remember her ways that made you smile...and remember...she is in a good place.

 

[schmoo]

It really takes an UNselfish person to do what you did. If you were selfish you wouldn't have cared enough to try to give her what she needs. I think everyone on this board who's read anything about your caregiving knows your a great MAMA!

 

[cheepchicks]

A good mama always knows best what is right for her baby. Sometimes what is right is difficult for mama. Call and check on her 14 times a day if necessary but know in your heart you did what all good mama's do. What is right for baby.

Kim

 

[4myHennyPenny]

My heart is breaking for you, and now I'm crying, too.

You have done the right thing for her. And what a wonderful mama you are to have recognized that, while it would be difficult for both of you in the short term, it would really be the best for you both in the long run. That takes an incredibly strong, loving person to make that call. You put the love of your bird, your baby, before your own selfish desires. That's a great mama in my book!

That said, go ahead and grieve! While Jelly hasn't actually died, it is the death of a relationship with her which needs to be mourned. I hope that your family will be understanding with this process.

Any possibility that you could phone Jelly's new family in a week or so to see how she is getting along? Perhaps this will help to settle some of your fears that you have found her a good home, and she is making the transition well.

For myself and I'm sure many others who have had to say goodbye to beloved pets, our hearts are with you. I hope you will find the support that you need here. Blessings to you and Jelly.

 

[silkhope]

Jelly sounds like such a special bird that will always have a special place in your heart. I'm heartbroken just reading this... I wish I could drive to Wisconsin and give you a huge hug and shoulder to cry on...

Ashley

 

[verthandi]

As a parrot owner I understand your pain all too well. They are such giving critters. But I also remember the first person that let me buy my first bird and the joy that I had discovering how to properly take care of them, and how much they really do give back to us. Plus the patience learned that things did not always go my way working with them, but I kept trying. You gave someone else that love and fun to explore.


Of course I am trying to type this as Tuttie(BF Amazon) is in the process of screaming her lungs out and trying to kill her water bottle. You know there may not be something quite right with those of us that continue to have parrots.

Big hugs to you, Jelly will adapt and explore new adventures.

 

[Queen of the Lilliputians]

I'm so so sorry. Sometimes it really stinks to do the right thing, even though we know we must. There are still times when I hate being a responsible adult.

My mom had a sheltie named dancer. He was a terrific dog, followed her everywhere. When my stepfather died, my mom could barely take care of herself, so knew dancer needed a better home. Well.. I really really wanted to take him but didn't have the room (and already had a dog in my tiny space). My sister wanted him, but had 2 dogs. We were heartbroken that he would be going. Numerous times I had Dancer over to visit us. I love that dog.
My mom gave him to a friend of a friend. That man has pictures of Dancer on his desk at work! Dancer now wears a little harness and takes rides in the backseat of a convertible! He's a lucky dog. It hurts that we don't get to see him, but he is so happy where he is now.

And my point is that yes, it'll take time for your Jelly. But in the end it will be so much better. You did the right thing, and it will all be ok. Really! And Jelly will probably adjust quicker than you will. Animals are funny like that. And I agree, grieve. Losing a loved one is hard, no matter the reason why they are gone.

-Meghan