I'm so mad right now I could pop!

[farmertank]

First sorry for the rant, but I just need to get this out before I explode.

Ok starting last Friday I went on vacation, my vacation runs Friday to Thursday. I will start work this Friday. I work retail I'm a third key at a Fred's store. This means I hardly ever get weekends off, or 2 days in a row for that matter. My Dh was laid off from last September till April, then he got hired back on full time, but doesn't get vacation time till January 2011.

Well I was looking forward to both of us having the weekend off. Thursday he asked me want I want to do this weekend. I said I would like to go out to eat Friday night and then to the "Out Post" a local bar that has live music and dancing. He said that would be fun we would do that. Then I said I wanted to go fishing and take the canoe out Saturday and finish off with a romantic evening. He said we could do that. I said that Sunday, I wanted to spend the day with him at the local park fishing and walking or driving around(it's a huge state park). He said that all sounded like fun and we could do all that.

Well what happened?! Friday he comes home from work and gets mad at me because their is no supper ready. His words "you been home all day and you couldn't even cook". I thought we were going out to eat. Well after much argument I said I would run to town and get something to eat. I start to leave and he says wait he will come with me. I get in truck, he comes out 20 minutes later all cleaned up, I'm in my everyday close and no makeup. we leave.....and drive to the Rusty Fishhook(a restaurant) He didn't even let me get dressed up! Then afterward he drives to the Out Post. When I said I wished he would have let me dress up he says well this is what you wanted isn't, I'm just doing what you wanted. So Friday..in my opinion...a bust, not very fun at all plus he wouldn't dance with me, but once. I was upset.

Saturday, he decides he doesn't want to go fishing and take the canoe out all day, so he waits till 4:30 then decide to go, by the time we got everything ready and to the water it was almost 6:00p.m(I was so excited about going I had been up and waiting since 6.00 a.m., he didn't get up till 11:00a.m.) We head out on the back waters of the TN river, we get out their and he complains he can't fish with me in the boat. So I said lets just paddle around. At about 7:00 it starts getting dark and we can hear thunder we paddle back to shore and that was that. 1 hour of fun....Saturday busted. no romantic evening for some reason he stops talking to me even though I haven't complained to him. I'm upset

Sunday I get up at 8:00a.m. he just got up to. I asked if we should take stuff to have a picnic in the park. Oh no we have to mow the lawn(it's dying it's so hot here) and wash the siding on the house(couldn't wait for a weekend I am working) and wash and detail his motorcycle( that couldn't wait either) so I sat at home and read and did little things around the house while he did these emergency chores. Sunday....a bust.

Now last night he asked me to make Stuff shell for tonight for supper. I said fine I would have to run to town, I didn't have everything to make them. This morning I wake up my truck is gone! he took it to work, the car has bad brakes and I can't drive the motorcycle. It wasn't raining and isn't going to he didn't need to take my vehicle. I can't go any where, and I'm just waiting for the fight when he gets home that I didn't do anything all day.

My vacation sucks! I was so looking forward to a weekend just the 2 of us. I haven't said anything to him how hurt I am, I really don't want to fight. I got excited about my vacation, not because I wouldn't be at work, but because I really wanted the weekend with him. I am so mad and very close to tears, please calm me down before he gets home.

Again sorry for the rant, but I have no one to call and vent, so I figured this would be just as good.

Julie

 

[bockbock2008]

Sorry you had such a crummy weekend. I wish I had some good words of advice but after 10 years, I still don't have mine figured out! I have these type of episodes with my DH as well. I have learned to just do my own thing and when he decides he wants to do something together, IF i'm interested we will do it. I know that's not the way it is supposed to work. But that's how it works at our house.

 

[chicmom]

Julie, I hate to say this, your hubby sounds just like my first husband, who I divorced after 15 years of this kind of bull crap!

Print out your letter and show it to him. How's it gonna get any worse?

 

[Hollywood Chickens]

How is his job? and his boss? it sounds like he is having some problems and instead of talking he is bottling up as most men do.
If he just got a new job after being laid off for so long he might be having problems adjusting to a rhythm. try to get him to talk about whats going on, does he act like this all of the time? or only recently?

 

[suzettex5]

I think everyone should have the right to change their mind about plans fo rtime off. It was very rude and inconsiderate of him to let you down and to yell at you and ignore your feelings.You deserve better. If he is always this way with you, you have 2 options- learn to accept it and not get mad, hurt, or complain, or just get out of the situation as fast as you can.

I'm sorry your plans got jacked up, I know how that is- it happens alot with us, but only cuz the kids or pets get in the way. Maybe just try to remember, if you are married, there will be thousands of weekends and holidays in the future for you two to enjoy together... whats one weekend in the course of your entire lives? You have years and years to do those things, and you will eventually get that fun, romantic weekend- it just didnt happen this time. Try to let go of the hurt and anger, its only hurting you, not him. Forgive him for being a turd, and let yourself be happy again. You cant turn back the clock by staying mad, the time is gone, but you can move forward in a positive way. Just keep being a wonderful woman, keep lovin your man, and try to arrange another way to be together, even if its just a few hours alone. He's lucky to have a woman who would go to so much trouble to spend time with him!

 

[Tigerjane]

I've had times like this with my guy as well, and it's hurtful they don't remember or have any of the same excitement we do about the plans they agreed to. I know you don't want to come off as dramatic and start a fight, but he isn't a mind reader, and he needs to know how you feel so this doesn't happen again. Explain to him about your schedules rarely meshing and how you're missing the time you guys spend together, and that you were looking forward to this weekend. Explain how you two won't have this time again together until (insert date), because of work schedules. He may have forgotten and it helps set the context for you're being so upset. Then explain that you two had talked about how to spend this weekend ahead of time, you thought they were agreed on plans, and that his changing the plans and not wanting to spend as much time together as you had wanted to was personally insulting and hurtful. He should apologize. If he doesn't, then he's an insensitive a**, and you're entitled to become a raging witch for the rest of the week

This is how things go in my house!

 

[Ema]

I don't really know what to tell you, once in a blue moon my husband and I may have something like this happen too, but I can honestly tell you he isn't being very considerate of your feelings. Its Obvious something is bothering him, because from what you said I doubt he behaves in that manner all the time. Maybe asking him if everything is alright when he is not irate might be a good idea. nevertheless you have to talk to him about this, not sharing your feelings is the number one reason relationships don't work. Honestly, you have no idea how many times I heard the I had no idea she felt that way...or the well he should have known it was soo obvious..but to men it really isn't obvious. you have to tell him. It might cause a bit more of a flare up at first but when he sits down to brood over it and trust me he will, he will realize you were right.

I have 8 brothers and 4 sisters and all married/separated/divorced. My father divorced 3X and my mother 2X, and you know why...lack of communication. Of all my siblings only 1 is still married. well 2 counting me....we were raised to hold our feelings in... something that didn't work well for my brother and I. Good luck and I hope all works out.

 

[farmertank]

This is the first time that he has acted this way, but like I said we really don't have any time together now that we are both working. We will be married 6 years this October, but we have been together 10. I guess I just thought this weekend should have been special and he just didn't see it that way. I don't understand him saying he would like to do those things and then just change his mind and not tell me.

He hates his job, not the people, but the work it's all bull work and it's hot and he's tired, but all I was asking for was one weekend. When he was laid off he became almost a hermit, I work in town, so he didn't have to leave to get anything he would just call me. we would go shopping at a bigger town once a week and he would grumble the whole time. Now that he's working again this behavior had stopped or so I thought.

Julie

 

[angelique_redhead]

I have been known to type up and print plans and post them in a prominant place. Then I let him know if these plans are changing he better let me know or I will become a raging witch. *HUGS*

: Angelique

 

[farmertank]

I want to thank all of you for your replies. I'm starting to feel better and you are right I will have to bring this to his attention. I'm not a nagging wife at all, some people say I'm way to easy going, but I felt that I was nagging by wanting to do the stuff we planned, so thought it better to keep my mouth shut. What really gets me is because next weekend is fourth of July weekend he gets 3 days off, I don't and I wasn't allowed to schedule my vacation then or I would have. But he could do all these "important things" then. Oh well I will talk to him, maybe there is something bothering him. I even thought maybe he was jealous I had vacation time, but geeze he had 7 months off lol

Julie