I'm so mad right now I could pop!

[Slinkytoys]

Do you think he might be stepping out on you? Taking your vehicle knowing you couldn't follow/look for him, not letting you get prettied up for your date, not wanting to dance or pay attention to you etc.... It sure doesn't seem like he looks at you as anything but chief cook and bottlewasher. These things can happen when our life's schedules are so different. At best, he is inconsiderate and boorish. You made it obvious to him how important this was to you and he was indifferent to your feelings.
Now if it were me, I'd be rathole-ing money and fixing to get a life of my own. Just saying.
Life is way to short to waste it on people who don't reciprocate.
Slinky

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

I understand your frustration...and also understand that you don't say anything to "keep the peace". Well I did that for waaaay too many years and was not a very happily married person.

Finally, after some counseling, I felt that I had nothing to lose and began telling my DH how things made me feel...or when I was angry about something. In the beginning, it was hard, but I'm so glad I did.

We are much closer now and I no longer feel that I have to tiptoe around. He was NEVER abusive...not even verbally...and I blame myself for not speaking up from the beginning.

I would encourage you to politely tell him how you feel...you won't regret it.

 

[SallyF]

oldtimegator, you're a wise woman. I once had a female pastor preach a sermon that I never forgot. She said that marriage was like whitewater rafting... sometimes the water was smooth and the paddling easy, sometimes the water was rough. And often there were rocks that you didn't see coming, but you just had to keep paddling. DH and I are coming up on our 40th anniversary (don't even ask me about the 25th!) and our marriage has fit that sermon exactly! Thank God, we kept paddling and the water is right smooth at the moment.

 

[LV426]

Load his motorcycle into your truck and take off for the weekend and have a nice vacation on your own and let him stew in his own juices.

 

[geckobass5]

Learn to ride the motorcycle, disapear and have a good time, let him eat cup o soup. Perhaps he might appreciate you more. Life is really short.
3years ago i nearly bled to death following a bypass surgery. Drs said I lost @ 5 pints of blood. When faced with what appears to be the end you will probably have some regrets. Ifelt that was a crappy way to go, it was lame. Dont waste your life, try not to have regrets.

PS i really enjoy my chickens, they are so much fun to watch. I need a break after building this 3rd small coop n run. its hot out there.

 

[SpeckledRoo]

I'm sorry for all that he has put you through. I'm sure this is not the only episode and it will not be the last. He needs a wakeup call. My wife and I have been married for almost 35 years. She is my best friend, my partner, and a sounding board when things are bad on my part or hers. I try to understand her side of things, eventhough I may not always see colors the same way she does or smell the same smells she is smelling.

I have always had a rule when it comes to my marriage. First I am a Christian and the Bible tells me to love my wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. You should not expect less or accept less. You need to sit your DH down and ask him if he'd give his life for you. If not give him the bike and you keep the truck.

You must start talking. Too many marriages end in the wife being hurt by husbands who have been keeping things bottled up. They may not have been abusive, but disrespect is abuse.

 

[SillyChicken]

Hope it works out well for you.

I know how it feels to be disappointed. My DH has promised several trips for vacation ..... which at the last minute he decides he doesn't want to go... he uses my dogs and chickens as excuses for why we never go anywhere, even though I know HE is the reason. My DPs and DB live close and are willing to help care for them. Most weekends are tide up with his band, for example.. this fourth of July, he has a gig Sunday, middle of the weekend.. means once again I spend my vac at home working. He's in 2 bands... almost every weekend is booked. I think he's only looking at dollar signs and not even considering the impact it has on my feelings or our relationship....I find this type of behavior very manipulative, selfish and controlling.....not destined to last.

I know he travels a few times a year for work and hates it.. but I never get to go anywhere, but to work. I no longer allow myself to become excited about anything he suggests we do for a vac...

........ one of these days I'm going to up and go on my own vacation...... then I'll decide if I'm coming back.


I've tried to talk to him about how I feel but he always to refute what I'm telling him. I would still encourage you to talk to your husband about your disappointment in how your weekend turned out. How you were looking forward to the time you were going to spend together. It sounds to me like your DH is a homebody like mine and he really rather just stay home and veggitate. If that doen't work for you, I'd suggest my last line.... start going on your own. If he sabbotages you by taking your only working vehicle you can drive, have a shop pick up the non working car and get it fixed....... and then decide if you want to go back too.

I cannot convince my DH that life really is too short to waste on BS!

 

[Camelot Farms]

Marriage is definitely a work in progress.

Some days its the bowl of cherries and some days its the pits.

I hope things improve for both of you. (((hugs)))

 

[theoldchick]

After 29 years my husband has learned I do not depend on him to make me happy. If he chooses not to come with me on an outing I go by myself or with friends. He has very little to do with my horsey life but will make sure I have a barn and hay for them. I do not wait on him. If he is late, and has not notified me, I go without him. He can meet there or not. If he has something he wants to do without me, fine! I'll do something else. I go to Christmas parties without him. He'll go to his without me. We do make a point of doing something together just by ourselves. We go to car shows and drool over all that horsepower wrapped up in fancy packages.

Controlling spouses are a pain whether they be the husband or wife. Set your limits and go from there.

 

[Slinkytoys]

I cannot convince my DH that life really is too short to waste on BS!

Of course you can't, because you haven't convinced yourself or you wouldn't be doing (putting up with)it. Easy Peasy.
We can't control what others do, we can only control our reactions to it AND what we do about it.
Slinky​