Intense grief over the death of bobwhite chick :(

[marrgalo]

I'm writing here because I really want to chat with someone who understands what I'm going through.

I recently hatched three snowflake bobs (this is only my second time doing this). I have two adult males that I also hatched and raised by hand and that I now keep as pets. This time around, I was hoping to raise females from a different genetic line so they could get paired up and experience life to the fullest. I love my birds as much as anyone loves their dogs or cats.

Out of the 7 eggs that shipped to me, 3 hatched. All 3 chicks were growing and thriving. I never saw it coming... I left them for a weekend in the care of a capable friend, and on Sunday he texted me that one chick was lethargic and not eating well. I got back late Sunday and took Toast (the sick chick) to the vet on Monday and she died at the vet. They think it was a respiratory illness.

I feel awful. I am so deep in grief, I spend most of the day thinking about Toast. I feel like I let her down... if I hadn't left town, I probably would have taken her to the vet much sooner. Whether or not she could have been saved, I wasn't there to give her the care that she really needed when she needed it.

My friends and partner have told me that it's not my fault and that animals die. My partner seems exasperated, almost annoyed, and is telling me it's "ridiculous" and "absurd" that I feel so much regret for not being here when Toast was sick. I didn't do my best, and to me, that's what matters.

Has anyone else felt absolutely devastated over the death of a chick? How did you cope? I spend time with my two living chicks (Trifle and Truffle) and I feel sad that Toast is not here. I can't escape the sadness.

Anything helps
xx

 

[turkey girl 0964]

I am so sorry.Don't beat yourself up , this stuff happens to the best of us. A few weeks ago I lost 1 of my turkey hens babies, I know how it feels.

 

[marrgalo]

I am so sorry.Don't beat yourself up , this stuff happens to the best of us. A few weeks ago I lost 1 of my turkey hens babies, I know how it feels.

Thanks I'm so sorry to hear about your baby turkey. It's so hard to love animals sometimes.

 

[FloorCandy]

Thanks I'm so sorry to hear about your baby turkey. It's so hard to love animals sometimes.

I’m sorry for your loss, unfortunately, Quail spread a wide net and go for quantity over quality. It’s very common to have a chick that doesn’t thrive, even if it looks fine one day, there can be something internal that isn’t functioning properly, and little by little the chick gets weaker. They hide it well, and then suddenly they are on deaths door. Even if you were home, you may not have noticed illness any sooner, their metabolisms are super fast, and one night to us is like several days for a chick. Just feel better knowing that I’m sure Toast had a better life with you than 99% of commercially raised poultry. Even if the time was short, I’m sure it was packed with good times for your little one.

 

[Bocktobery 10]

I had a young adult serama die at the vet too. I had waited too long, or so it seemed to me at the time, and not only was I grappling with the embarrassment and shame that she died in the vets office in front of everyone (and thus, in shock not knowing what to do as who expects that!?) but the fact, like you, I felt I let her down By not being ‘’on it’’ as soon as I thought I should’ve.
But in contemplation, I realized I DID do what I thought needed to be done. I acted. The issue was I was so hell bent on saving I didn’t realize that’s absolutely not in my hands but God’s. All of us can find things we should have done in hindsight. Of course, that’s no excuse to ever be lax about duties and responsibilities, but even in those, we do what we feel can be done. In my circumstance here, I realized the reason I didn’t act sooner was because she was showing signs of recovering. It was an ‘on/off’’ thing. I can’t even say she’d be alive today if I took her to the vet sooner. I already know from taking sick birds to the vet, they don’t know much to help them. She probably would have passed anyway.

So keep in mind we don’t see the future. sometimes, when confronted with loss we kid ourselves that we had any control on the matter, and that’s when we can add grief that is not deserved. Grief over loss means you loved. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nobody controls what they love. One question I want to leave you with- you say you feel you let Toast down, but what if she’s excited about her next life assignment or in heaven somewhere thinking,” I’m really sad (you) is upset..because I’m perfectly ok.”...because we truly don’t know what happens to energy when something dies, only that energy doesn’t die, it transforms. <—- that’s science, not religion, in case anyone thinks I‘m preaching. My point being..you’re stuck on thinking she’s upset, or still hurting, and the truth is, she is only not here, but she actually may be happy, not upset!

Loss is hard. I’m chiming in to say, yes..even after 10 years plus of chicken keeping, death almost a constant (at least every 5 months), of loving my birds, of having my favourites die horrid painful deaths (like the shitbag that sped up and aimed to run over my special hen and split her body in half) of finding their bodies and finding ways to cope with the grief...I still think of most of them from time to time. And why not? I devoted time and love to them. The problem is, this isn’t heaven. And nature rules the roost while we are here.

The way I cope is I look at my remaining birds and remember they still need me. I still have them. Any momma hen that looses a chick does that. And I think Toast would be happy if you gave that love to help them. Put your love into them, because you still have them. There a saying that goes around the chicken message boards- that “it’s always the favorites” (That die). And it seems true, but I think it’s more likely we remember the loss of our favorites profoundly. They touched our hearts in some way. Toast must have touched your heart and spoke to your soul in some way. And that’s absolutely normal.

As far as friend and partner.. people don’t usually cope with others grief so well. Why funerals aren’t a popular thing, or hospital care units, or prisons, or..wherever there’s a lot of grief. It’s unfortunate for you they aren’t responding in a way that’s understanding, but the fact is they probably don‘t have anything else they can do or say to help and are frustrated. Grief is lonesome! But in time, comes healing. Give yourself the time and space to grieve. It’s ok.

Hugs to you. I‘m sorry you’re experiencing this. Toast sounds like one cool chick. Feel free to post any pics of her or share any stories, if you think it’s would help.

 

[sewingkitty1170]

Bocktobery 10 couldn't have said it any better!
I recently lost my 5 year-old barred rock hen to a respiratory illness that I should've caught, but didn't. The hardest thing to do was to admit my failure in not seeing an illness that had crept in over a couple week's time When I saw it, it was too late. But instead of beating myself up - I did the kindest thing I could think of - I forgave myself. It was a milestone moment for me as I grieved the loss of a beloved hen.
I knew my remaining 10 year-old senior red-sex link hen needed a new friend, and needed one ASAP. Both she and I were grieving, but I couldn't spend all day out with her because I work full-time outside of my home. My cats spend time with her, but the hen rules the yard and makes a lot of noise when she wants me to come outside! I searched Craigslist and found two-day old chicks - Easter Eggers & Cuckoo Maran mixes - it's been interesting watching them grow. When I let my hen look at them after I got them home, it seemed like she thought they were some kind of space aliens! I let her look for about a minute while they were in the box, and decided that wasn't going to work... Then I found an almost full-grown hen on Craigslist (another red sex link) and picked one up a week later. It was one LONG week. It's taken two and a half weeks for my senior hen to adjust to the new friend, and they are finally sleeping in the same coop now! I still have the five new chicks, which are thankfully thriving. I'm just beginning to see how different each of the chicks are going to look now that they are three weeks old. Hard to believe they all came from the same nest!

Forgiveness was the key for me to help myself. It helped me to re-access what was most important and what I needed to do next. I gave myself some hope with the new chicks and a pullet, and now I have plans to build a new coop and run to pamper my chickens.

So, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. You will find your way.

 

[sewingkitty1170]

I had a young adult serama die at the vet too. I had waited too long, or so it seemed to me at the time, and not only was I grappling with the embarrassment and shame that she died in the vets office in front of everyone (and thus, in shock not knowing what to do as who expects that!?) but the fact, like you, I felt I let her down By not being ‘’on it’’ as soon as I thought I should’ve.
But in contemplation, I realized I DID do what I thought needed to be done. I acted. The issue was I was so hell bent on saving I didn’t realize that’s absolutely not in my hands but God’s. All of us can find things we should have done in hindsight. Of course, that’s no excuse to ever be lax about duties and responsibilities, but even in those, we do what we feel can be done. In my circumstance here, I realized the reason I didn’t act sooner was because she was showing signs of recovering. It was an ‘on/off’’ thing. I can’t even say she’d be alive today if I took her to the vet sooner. I already know from taking sick birds to the vet, they don’t know much to help them. She probably would have passed anyway.

So keep in mind we don’t see the future. sometimes, when confronted with loss we kid ourselves that we had any control on the matter, and that’s when we can add grief that is not deserved. Grief over loss means you loved. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nobody controls what they love. One question I want to leave you with- you say you feel you let Toast down, but what if she’s excited about her next life assignment or in heaven somewhere thinking,” I’m really sad (you) is upset..because I’m perfectly ok.”...because we truly don’t know what happens to energy when something dies, only that energy doesn’t die, it transforms. <—- that’s science, not religion, in case anyone thinks I‘m preaching. My point being..you’re stuck on thinking she’s upset, or still hurting, and the truth is, she is only not here, but she actually may be happy, not upset!

Loss is hard. I’m chiming in to say, yes..even after 10 years plus of chicken keeping, death almost a constant (at least every 5 months), of loving my birds, of having my favourites die horrid painful deaths (like the shitbag that sped up and aimed to run over my special hen and split her body in half) of finding their bodies and finding ways to cope with the grief...I still think of most of them from time to time. And why not? I devoted time and love to them. The problem is, this isn’t heaven. And nature rules the roost while we are here.

The way I cope is I look at my remaining birds and remember they still need me. I still have them. Any momma hen that looses a chick does that. And I think Toast would be happy if you gave that love to help them. Put your love into them, because you still have them. There a saying that goes around the chicken message boards- that “it’s always the favorites” (That die). And it seems true, but I think it’s more likely we remember the loss of our favorites profoundly. They touched our hearts in some way. Toast must have touched your heart and spoke to your soul in some way. And that’s absolutely normal.

As far as friend and partner.. people don’t usually cope with others grief so well. Why funerals aren’t a popular thing, or hospital care units, or prisons, or..wherever there’s a lot of grief. It’s unfortunate for you they aren’t responding in a way that’s understanding, but the fact is they probably don‘t have anything else they can do or say to help and are frustrated. Grief is lonesome! But in time, comes healing. Give yourself the time and space to grieve. It’s ok.

Hugs to you. I‘m sorry you’re experiencing this. Toast sounds like one cool chick. Feel free to post any pics of her or share any stories, if you think it’s would help.

Well said!!!!!

 

[marrgalo]

I’m sorry for your loss, unfortunately, Quail spread a wide net and go for quantity over quality. It’s very common to have a chick that doesn’t thrive, even if it looks fine one day, there can be something internal that isn’t functioning properly, and little by little the chick gets weaker. They hide it well, and then suddenly they are on deaths door. Even if you were home, you may not have noticed illness any sooner, their metabolisms are super fast, and one night to us is like several days for a chick. Just feel better knowing that I’m sure Toast had a better life with you than 99% of commercially raised poultry. Even if the time was short, I’m sure it was packed with good times for your little one.

Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. It helps to hear some of these things from another quail parent. And you're right, I do the best I can for all of my quails and chickens and I know that Toast had a good but short life. Some people might say that they're "just" poultry, but I think most of us here would disagree with that

 

[marrgalo]

I had a young adult serama die at the vet too. I had waited too long, or so it seemed to me at the time, and not only was I grappling with the embarrassment and shame that she died in the vets office in front of everyone (and thus, in shock not knowing what to do as who expects that!?) but the fact, like you, I felt I let her down By not being ‘’on it’’ as soon as I thought I should’ve.
But in contemplation, I realized I DID do what I thought needed to be done. I acted. The issue was I was so hell bent on saving I didn’t realize that’s absolutely not in my hands but God’s. All of us can find things we should have done in hindsight. Of course, that’s no excuse to ever be lax about duties and responsibilities, but even in those, we do what we feel can be done. In my circumstance here, I realized the reason I didn’t act sooner was because she was showing signs of recovering. It was an ‘on/off’’ thing. I can’t even say she’d be alive today if I took her to the vet sooner. I already know from taking sick birds to the vet, they don’t know much to help them. She probably would have passed anyway.

So keep in mind we don’t see the future. sometimes, when confronted with loss we kid ourselves that we had any control on the matter, and that’s when we can add grief that is not deserved. Grief over loss means you loved. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nobody controls what they love. One question I want to leave you with- you say you feel you let Toast down, but what if she’s excited about her next life assignment or in heaven somewhere thinking,” I’m really sad (you) is upset..because I’m perfectly ok.”...because we truly don’t know what happens to energy when something dies, only that energy doesn’t die, it transforms. <—- that’s science, not religion, in case anyone thinks I‘m preaching. My point being..you’re stuck on thinking she’s upset, or still hurting, and the truth is, she is only not here, but she actually may be happy, not upset!

Loss is hard. I’m chiming in to say, yes..even after 10 years plus of chicken keeping, death almost a constant (at least every 5 months), of loving my birds, of having my favourites die horrid painful deaths (like the shitbag that sped up and aimed to run over my special hen and split her body in half) of finding their bodies and finding ways to cope with the grief...I still think of most of them from time to time. And why not? I devoted time and love to them. The problem is, this isn’t heaven. And nature rules the roost while we are here.

The way I cope is I look at my remaining birds and remember they still need me. I still have them. Any momma hen that looses a chick does that. And I think Toast would be happy if you gave that love to help them. Put your love into them, because you still have them. There a saying that goes around the chicken message boards- that “it’s always the favorites” (That die). And it seems true, but I think it’s more likely we remember the loss of our favorites profoundly. They touched our hearts in some way. Toast must have touched your heart and spoke to your soul in some way. And that’s absolutely normal.

As far as friend and partner.. people don’t usually cope with others grief so well. Why funerals aren’t a popular thing, or hospital care units, or prisons, or..wherever there’s a lot of grief. It’s unfortunate for you they aren’t responding in a way that’s understanding, but the fact is they probably don‘t have anything else they can do or say to help and are frustrated. Grief is lonesome! But in time, comes healing. Give yourself the time and space to grieve. It’s ok.

Hugs to you. I‘m sorry you’re experiencing this. Toast sounds like one cool chick. Feel free to post any pics of her or share any stories, if you think it’s would help.

Your message means so much to me. You put a lot of my feelings into words... the shame and guilt of not noticing her illness sooner and feeling irresponsible for leaving her in the care of someone else for the weekend makes the loss even harder. I have never had to take any of my birds to the vet before, but in the end, I didn't hesitate and acted as immediately as I could. I may wish some things had been different, but I did my best with the options before me. I'm really glad that I now have antibiotics for my other two chicks and they are looking very healthy and happy. Toast's life may help these two thrive.

I can tell that you love your birds the same way that I do. I can't believe someone could be so cruel to run over a hen like that... that must have been awful. You make a good point that we can love the animals we've lost and also use that love to care for the animals that are still alive and still depend on us. Right now I'm sitting under a heat lamp with Trifle and Truffle on my shoulder and they are the happiest quail chicks in the world.

Thank you so much. Your message really helped me. I have already read it a handful of times and I'm sure I will come back to read it again.

 

[marrgalo]

Bocktobery 10 couldn't have said it any better!
I recently lost my 5 year-old barred rock hen to a respiratory illness that I should've caught, but didn't. The hardest thing to do was to admit my failure in not seeing an illness that had crept in over a couple week's time When I saw it, it was too late. But instead of beating myself up - I did the kindest thing I could think of - I forgave myself. It was a milestone moment for me as I grieved the loss of a beloved hen.
I knew my remaining 10 year-old senior red-sex link hen needed a new friend, and needed one ASAP. Both she and I were grieving, but I couldn't spend all day out with her because I work full-time outside of my home. My cats spend time with her, but the hen rules the yard and makes a lot of noise when she wants me to come outside! I searched Craigslist and found two-day old chicks - Easter Eggers & Cuckoo Maran mixes - it's been interesting watching them grow. When I let my hen look at them after I got them home, it seemed like she thought they were some kind of space aliens! I let her look for about a minute while they were in the box, and decided that wasn't going to work... Then I found an almost full-grown hen on Craigslist (another red sex link) and picked one up a week later. It was one LONG week. It's taken two and a half weeks for my senior hen to adjust to the new friend, and they are finally sleeping in the same coop now! I still have the five new chicks, which are thankfully thriving. I'm just beginning to see how different each of the chicks are going to look now that they are three weeks old. Hard to believe they all came from the same nest!

Forgiveness was the key for me to help myself. It helped me to re-access what was most important and what I needed to do next. I gave myself some hope with the new chicks and a pullet, and now I have plans to build a new coop and run to pamper my chickens.

So, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. You will find your way.

I am overwhelmed with the kindness and the stories that are being shared here. You must miss your barred rock hen a lot I have an easter-egger, a silver-laced wyandotte, and a brahma hen and they are all so special! Chickens are wonderful companions and are so underrated. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story and I am delighted to hear that your flock is growing and that you have so many happy, pampered chickens. They deserve it and so do we. Self-forgiveness sounds like a very good way forward.