ISO: Friendly Advice. Moving away from family & never returning.

[SunriseChickers]

Hello, I'm in search of some friendly advice and encouragement.

Before the year is out, Lord Willing, I will be married and twenty. I will also be moving over 1,000 miles from home to the other half of the country, where my Fiancé lives.
Never before have I been away from my family. The only times I've been alone for more than a day have been Summer camps just down the valley, and trips with grandparents.
I've been homeschooled for my entire life, so I didn't even have to brave a classroom until I took two classes at a small, local, private school, and I did not go to college.
I'm fairly terrible at socializing with anyone near my own age, and I find it difficult to make friends, so I expect I will truly feel very alone for quite some time once I'm out there.
As you can imagine, while this is very exciting for me, it's also saddening and scary.

Does anyone have some advice or encouragement they may be able to give me?
I know my heart will break when I have to part ways with my parents and sisters. My family and this little corner of Ohio are my whole entire world and I've never been away. I won't be able to come back to it, either.
I've always had my mother or father available to lend an ear, just down the hall or down the stairs. One thing I will sorely miss is my mother reading scriptures to me when I'm anxious and cannot sleep.
Getting married and living in the next town over is one thing, but I won't have any hope of seeing them more than perhaps once or twice a year. His folks also live very far away, so no inlaws available for support.
Everything I know is here. I suppose, in a way, I'm leaving all of my childhood behind and truly stepping into adulthood. Naturally, it is frightening. Many times already have I almost cried in fearful anticipation, even though it's still a little over 3.5 months away.
I'd appreciate any insights anyone would have. Whether you've experienced something similar yourself, or you've just got a good word, I would love to hear it.

As a note, I respect that many people have some strong opinions about either getting married young, skipping college, or both, but I ask, if there are any such folks who come across this thread, that remarks on these be kept to a minimum. I'd much appreciate if anyone bothered by it would simply stick to useful advice.
I hope it gives you all peace of mind that I have heard many sides to both arguments and have made my decisions with prayer, guidance, and good conscience. Thanks.

 

[cavemanrich]

I of course do not know you, and all the details of how you came to make such a decision.
I know you are a Christian, as I am also. My suggestion to you is. Ask the Lord for guidance. When you put your Trust in the Lord, the correct answer should come to you. God does not want to lead you to the wrong direction.
So in conclusion from me.. I do not have a suggestion which way you should go.
I am here to listen to what you have concerns with.
I will leave you with this message.

WISHING YOU BEST,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[The Coop Crew]

You got this! I can’t imagine how scary it must be but you will adjust and form new relationships.
I don’t have any experience moving far away from my family but I was married at 19 and I am still married to that same man at 30 years old. It can be done and it can be successful.
Good luck

 

[SunriseChickers]

I of course do not know you, and all the details of how you came to make such a decision.
I know you are a Christian, as I am also. My suggestion to you is. Ask the Lord for guidance. When you put your Trust in the Lord, the correct answer should come to you. God does not want to lead you to the wrong direction.
So in conclusion from me.. I do not have a suggestion which way you should go.
I am here to listen to what you have concerns with.
I will leave you with this message.
View attachment 3899734
WISHING YOU BEST,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Thank you. A kind reminder to turn to God is always right and welcome.

You got this! I can’t imagine how scary it must be but you will adjust and form new relationships.
I don’t have any experience moving far away from my family but I was married at 19 and I am still married to that same man at 30 years old. It can be done and it can be successful.
Good luck

Thank you!

 

[LaFleche]

As I do not know where your interests lie, just some general suggestions:

#find a job to help with self esteem and not be totally dependent on your future husband

#enroll for a drawing or painting or quilting class to help make new friends

#help out at the local animal shelter

#write a journal so you won't feel overwhelmed by it all and will be able to assess/reassess any frightening occurence.

Go out to explore and meet new people!

 

[SunriseChickers]

As I do not know where your interests lie, just some general suggestions:

#find a job to help with self esteem and not be totally dependent on your future husband

#enroll for a drawing or painting or quilting class to help make new friends

#help out at the local animal shelter

#write a journal so you won't feel overwhelmed by it all and will be able to assess/reassess any frightening occurence.

Go out to explore and meet new people!

Thank you!
I actually love art, as well as have done some quilting, and taking classes is a really good idea that I hadn't thought about.
Animal shelters had crossed my mind! I love animals. The only real job I've had has been caring for horses, and occasionally stopping to poke a cow's snoot.
Unfortunately I can't do physical work anymore(at least not for now) and indoors jobs would be the death of me, haha. I've thought about picking up a job if I have time early on, or if we need it. I will be staying home to homeschool the kids once they come along.
The journal idea is a very useful one.
Thanks again.

 

[saysfaa]

...
Does anyone have some advice or encouragement they may be able to give me?

Yes. I've done some of these and parts of most of the rest.

Different is not better or worse. Landscape, climate, size of the town, density of the population, etc.. Each has things to like and things that are not so likable. It helps to focus on the things you like or at least to make a point of not focusing on the things that are less likable.

For example, I grew up where there are a lot of trees and green in the summer. It took a few years of living on the great plains to realize that brown grass was not dead, it was just dormant like trees back home were in the winter. And that it really wasn't "just all dead" in another way too - there were as many different kinds of grass as there were different kinds of trees back home. And they are as beautiful in their different colors and patterns.

Lol. A visiter to my hometown from a plains state said, "This landscape is so boring, it is just all green." If you grew up in grassland, consider that trees and green come in as many colors and patterns as grass does.

Incidentally, the sky is prettier in some places than others. Or at least it is prettier more often in some places than others.

Give yourself time to learn to see the different kinds of beauty.

The same applies to the other differences, too. High population density means longer to get short distances because of the traffic but also means you usually need to go much shorter distances to get to many, many, many more destinations (ethnic food markets are particularly fun for me).

People are about the same everywhere as far as how nice they are. If they seem rude, there is probably some cultural difference going on and many of them have good reasons for how they are different. Like, waving to nearly everyone makes sense when only ten cars pass your house in a day and you can expect to know the people in all of them. It makes a lot less sense when a thousand cars pass and you can expect to know the people in, maybe, one of them.

Down south, a store clerk might take ten minutes to tell you they don't know how to get to someplace. They are being considerate and polite by showing interest in you for that ten minutes. Up north, a store clerk might take thirty seconds and move on. They are being considerate and polite by letting you get on with all you are trying to get done that day.

Give yourself time to learn the culture of the new area.

 

[SunriseChickers]

Yes. I've done some of these and parts of most of the rest.

Different is not better or worse. Landscape, climate, size of the town, density of the population, etc.. Each has things to like and things that are not so likable. It helps to focus on the things you like or at least to make a point of not focusing on the things that are less likable.

For example, I grew up where there are a lot of trees and green in the summer. It took a few years of living on the great plains to realize that brown grass was not dead, it was just dormant like trees back home were in the winter. And that it really wasn't "just all dead" in another way too - there were as many different kinds of grass as there were different kinds of trees back home. And they are as beautiful in their different colors and patterns.

This is almost exactly the way I'm going! Green, trees, hills to a brown treeless plains area.

Lol. A visiter to my hometown from a plains state said, "This landscape is so boring, it is just all green." If you grew up in grassland, consider that trees and green come in as many colors and patterns as grass does.

Incidentally, the sky is prettier in some places than others. Or at least it is prettier more often in some places than others.

Give yourself time to learn to see the different kinds of beauty.

I really really appreciate this advice. I am typically the type of person to try to find any beauty in the little things. Of course, I'd probably pout for far too long about the lack of trees before actually taking a breath and looking at how pretty it really is. So this is helpful, I will remember to look for beauty and not moan for want of what I knew as beautiful.

The same applies to the other differences, too. High population density means longer to get short distances because of the traffic but also means you usually need to go much shorter distances to get to many, many, many more destinations (ethnic food markets are particularly fun for me).

People are about the same everywhere as far as how nice they are. If they seem rude, there is probably some cultural difference going on and many of them have good reasons for how they are different. Like, waving to nearly everyone makes sense when only ten cars pass your house in a day and you can expect to know the people in all of them. It makes a lot less sense when a thousand cars pass and you can expect to know the people in, maybe, one of them.

Down south, a store clerk might take ten minutes to tell you they don't know how to get to someplace. They are being considerate and polite by showing interest in you for that ten minutes. Up north, a store clerk might take thirty seconds and move on. They are being considerate and polite by letting you get on with all you are trying to get done that day.

Give yourself time to learn the culture of the new area.

I was aware of cultural differences, but hadn't really thought about the implications in depth. As far as I'm aware, it will be relatively similar to how I've grown up here, but I'll be looking forward to seeing the little things.

 

[PopoMyers]

Sweet sister, you are embarking on one of the most important, life changing journeys which God has brought you to. (The next is becoming a parent )
Scripture says to "Leave and cleave." It does not say to forget, your family. There is an advantage today of the wonderful invention of internet, cell phones, email, and video chat. You can stay in touch easily, unlike yesteryear.
Your husband, second only to God, should be the main source of your comfort, care, encouragement. You obviously love him and he you, or you wouldn't be at this crossroad.
Have you both had pre-marital counseling? This would be a good time for it, before you say " I Do." Cling to him, share your concerns and fears. Your heavenly Father knows your anxious thoughts.
Moving away from your family, albeit scary, will be the best thing to make your marriage strong.
Next is, before moving, is to research churches, and ask Holy Spirit to guide you both to one where you will be able to grow and serve. Sometimes it will not be the one where he may be attending. Join a Bible Study or small group as a couple, or a ladies study during the day, where you will get to know others. Before having children is a good time, because you will have more time.
Third, I strongly suggest that you do not spend too much time on social media. It cannot substitute for face to face relationships, and making new friends.
You have shared here and been transparent. Do the same with those you love and respect. With God, all things are possible.
Marriage is hard work. The contribution to it is not 50/50, but 100/100.
As far as your mom reading Scripture, could your husband do the same for you,and vice versa? What a lovely, Godly woman your mom is.
Above all, .
God bless!

 

[SunriseChickers]

Sweet sister, you are embarking on one of the most important, life changing journeys which God has brought you to. (The next is becoming a parent )
Scripture says to "Leave and cleave." It does not say to forget, your family. There is an advantage today of the wonderful invention of internet, cell phones, email, and video chat. You can stay in touch easily, unlike yesteryear.
Your husband, second only to God, should be the main source of your comfort, care, encouragement. You obviously love him and he you, or you wouldn't be at this crossroad.
Have you both had pre-marital counseling? This would be a good time for it, before you say " I Do." Cling to him, share your concerns and fears. Your heavenly Father knows your anxious thoughts.
Moving away from your family, albeit scary, will be the best thing to make your marriage strong.
Next is, before moving, is to research churches, and ask Holy Spirit to guide you both to one where you will be able to grow and serve. Sometimes it will not be the one where he may be attending. Join a Bible Study or small group as a couple, or a ladies study during the day, where you will get to know others. Before having children is a good time, because you will have more time.
Third, I strongly suggest that you do not spend too much time on social media. It cannot substitute for face to face relationships, and making new friends.
You have shared here and been transparent. Do the same with those you love and respect. With God, all things are possible.
Marriage is hard work. The contribution to it is not 50/50, but 100/100.
As far as your mom reading Scripture, could your husband do the same for you,and vice versa? What a lovely, Godly woman your mom is.
Above all, .
God bless!

What kind, wise words! I am very grateful for your advice, thank you.

We are just now in the midst of premarital counselling.
He is an Orthodox Christian, so the question of finding a church is fortunately not one we need to fret over! Unlike the wide variance of doctrine and culture between most churches and denominations today, the Orthodox Church remains doctrinally uniform across all parishes, and culturally similar. The only main differences you may see are the melodies used (with the same words) in certain places.
I am very happy to be able to say that they are eagerly waiting to welcome me with warm hearts and kind spirits! It is a lovely group of parishioners.

I do generally follow the very good advice of avoiding social media based relationships and being transparent with those around me. It has unfortunately had little effect on my real life friendships and ability to connect with people. I hope and pray that I will find many friends when I move. I have grown up in a small bubble of people, and most of those whom I speak with are younger than I. I am intrigued by this new demographic I will be entering.
One exciting new connection I have recently made is with my soon to be sister in law! I met her for her first time over this past weekend when she, her mother, and aunt came for my bridal shower. She doesn't have any sisters, and is very excited to be gaining one. We had a wonderful time together.

I have been very anxious once when my mother was not around, during the summer while my Fiancé was visiting (before the proposal). He spoke prayers for me and read some scripture, then sat with me until I felt better. He is ready and more than willing to do what he can for my health and well-being. He is a very good man, and has a great devotion to providing and caring for myself and for our future, as well as for leading myself, and the family we may grow to be, in the way of the Lord. I am truly blessed.