Church Bulletins
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters.
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters.
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
