JOKE - Church Bulletins (bloopers)

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Wildsky, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    Oct 13, 2007
    Church Bulletins
    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
    ladies with typewriters.
    These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church
    bulletins or were announced in church services:
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
    "Searching for Jesus."
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
    those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
    someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
    about you.
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
    obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
    help they can get.
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
    will follow.
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
    Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
    recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
    person you want remembered.
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
    gracious hostility.
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
    be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
    from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
    are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
    is done.
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
    lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
    next Sunday.
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
    back door.
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
    basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
    attend this tragedy.
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
    Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
  2. banter

    banter Songster

    Mar 3, 2008
    Raymond Maine
    These are soooooooooo FUNNY! Loved them!
  3. countryboy

    countryboy Songster

    Oct 31, 2007
    hilarious [​IMG]
  4. countryboy

    countryboy Songster

    Oct 31, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2008
  5. Frozen Feathers

    Frozen Feathers Songster

    May 4, 2007
    [​IMG] Those are great!
    Hey Banter...I'm right down the road from you. [​IMG]
  6. Josie

    Josie Songster

    Jan 3, 2008
    Made my husband laugh out loud - and he only does that for his own jokes!
  7. hcammack

    hcammack Crowing

    Oct 5, 2007
  8. banter

    banter Songster

    Mar 3, 2008
    Raymond Maine
    Fozen Feathers-Where are you? I'm in Raymond ME
  9. jjthink

    jjthink Crowing

    Jan 17, 2007
    New Jersey
    thank you

    You have no idea how welcome this laugh was!!!!!!
    I just spent 2 days bailing water - power outage - sump pumps stopped and my basement was becoming an aquarium thanks to a poorly planned new development next door that is sending tons of water my way. Hot water heater also died - there's no hot water still and now a huge pine tree has fallen and is leaning on my power lines. The power company said it may be a long wait because they have 50,000 people out of power.

    So to have power momentarily and read something that made me really laugh (with chocolate bar as additional consolation) was the best medicine ever. Thank you. These are really funny!.
  10. Buster

    Buster Back to Work

    too funny wildsky! thanks!

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