Just curious who else is living super frugal

[BusyBlonde]

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Fairielady. From your post, you know what you need to do to get rid of your debt in the long run, and are willing to make the sacrifices. Unfortunately, your partner doesn't appear to agree with you at all. If he is always broke and depending on you to pick up the slack for him, and you do, he has no reason to change. I can understand your reluctance to approach him in some ways, but you have been together for five years. You have a child that you need to take care of, and set an example for. You are trying to improve your life by going back to school, and want a plan to get out from under the burden of debt. He wants to spend money to show off. Your values are polar opposites, and if you do not address these issues with him I can promise it will not get better. You will continue to resent him for spending as much as he will resent being told he *shouldn't* be spending money that you need to pay bills or take care of the family.

It also looks like you keep separate accounts (which is probably a good thing). Do you designate any amounts of money or percentages of your checks that go to the household expenses? Or do you each pay certain expenses? It might be helpful to have it all written out so he can understand what your obligations are versus what you bring in. When you talk to him, he needs to know how much this stresses you out, having all that debt hanging over you. See what he needs. You will have to compromise, but he will too. He may need a SMALL discretionary amount of money to have that pizza on occasion, where he doesn't have to feel he's in trouble for spending it.

If he is unwilling to compromise, and support your efforts to live within your means and meet your obligations, you have a difficult choice to make. Either accept that you will always be in debt if he can't control his need to keep up with everyone else and spend money he doesn't have, or move on for yourself and your child. You are already stressed and resentful. Those feelings will not get better if he won't change.

- I hope however it works out, you are happy.

 

[WomanInTheWoods]

Sorry faerielady, but I agree with Beekissed... more relationships have ended over financial problems than you can shake a stick at. Are you married, or just in a relationship with your SO? Like beekissed said, I would take your name off things you don't need, like the tv, and if you can have separate bank accts. and separate bills, then you can have separate refrigerators. That way he is responsible for his own food and you can use your income to feed and clothe you and your child responsibly. My dh & I were little more than roommates for a while, it's pretty bad when you stay together because you can't afford to be apart... (there were way more issues than just finances here, that was just a small piece of the puzzle) Thankfully, he did come around and is seeing things more my way now, but I had to make a change within myself and stand my ground while still accepting that he is a grown adult who will make his own decisions, even if they don't go along with mine, as much as that hurts. In the end you have to prioritize your life and make the best decisions possible for the welfare of you and your child, and if he chooses to not stand beside you, then that's really up to him.

Hugs,
Carol

ETA: BusyBlonde gave eloquent & sage advice.

I just went back and read what I missed while I was typing... sounds like subconsciously your decision has already been made, and I couldn't think of a cleaner, easier split on paper than already having two separate houses. Sorry, FL. You'll be happier in the long run.

 

[faerielady]

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Since my parents are co-signers, in order to rent my house out they would have to claim the rental as partial income. While my parents are better off than I am, they've worked very hard and sacrificed a lot to get where they are now and I don't want to make it more difficult on them now that they're getting older and make them landlords against their will. I had thought about that

 

[wvchickenhouse]

Simple living is the best... trying to make ends meet even when you do okay financially is a challenge right now. I went from making a good salary to making half of what I was bringing home after a layoff. Our entire lifestyle has changed but I think it is for the better. Growing and raising my own food, being satisfied with what I have and the happiest I've ever been.

 

[Beekissed]

And that, my friends, is why I haven't been married for the last 25 years or more. If I can't have a partner that is a true partner~in all ways~I'd prefer to go it alone. To me, love is a mutual caring and respect for each other.

Anything less is just not worth the work, the worry, the defeated feeling that~at the end of the day~you carry all the love for the family and no one else is helping you bear the load.

That isn't love...and if it isn't, then why in the world do this thing called marriage?

 

[faerielady]

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This is exactly what's happening, especially recently. As I try to cut corners and make sacrifices, he steadfastly refuses to help at all. It has caused a lot of resentment for me. I've stopped enabling his behavior, and of course that's making him upset with ME. It's partially my fault for letting it go on this long, but I always hoped he'd come around without me having to throw a fit.

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Basically, it's a case of he pays his mortgage and utilities at his house, I pay the mortgage and utilities at mine. I pay for my car (less than 2 years until payoff), he pays for his truck and his motorcycle. I end up paying for all the groceries. He pays (most of the time) if we go out to eat with his friends.

If he is deployed in January like currently planned, then he'll be debt free except for a small amount of his mortgage when he comes back, but they are having issues with his reenlistment package because someone in HQ messed it up, and they're trying to fix it before he falls off contract so there's a possibility he won't deploy. He's extremely unhappy at his full time job (he works on base as a federal police officer but he is a USMC reservist) and is considering taking a job making 8K a year less in order to be happier... but doesn't seem to realize that 8K has to come from SOMEWHERE.

We do not have joint bank accounts, and we are not married. I've been married twice before and both times they would attempt to totally control the bank account/shut me out of the financials, and I can't deal with that.

 

[Avalon1984]

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Since my parents are co-signers, in order to rent my house out they would have to claim the rental as partial income. While my parents are better off than I am, they've worked very hard and sacrificed a lot to get where they are now and I don't want to make it more difficult on them now that they're getting older and make them landlords against their will. I had thought about that

That can be very frustrating, especially when you get renters that are a pain. Mine was a pain at first until we straightened out each others responsibilities (Irented her the house at a discount since it needed some fixing and she pledged to take care of some of the upkeep (leaves, snow, etc.)) It worked out good but you have got to have the right person or it turns into a nightmare.

 

[ladyride]

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Excuse me but you are in the relationship together to promote the betterment of all involved.I agree with bekissed I can't imagine not sharing equally in debts, bills,etc to provide for the home in which you both live.Saving face when it causes more stress than it is worth WHY?? In today's economic evironment is not finacinally feasible or responsible. A budget simply allows you to live within your means without alot of outstanding debt you really don't need. Is it better to go buy something you can't pay for only to loose it ??
Marriage is about working together for the enrichment of both, sharing of your life taking care each others needs & feelings like they are your own. 1 person can not be the sole anchor for a 2 party relationship. Relationships = partners that work together this what we enter into.
Work out a budget you both contribute equally to for the household mortgages, utilities, groceries,phones cell or otherwise, entertainment ie: cable, internet. Some of these things are necessary some are not.
If you cannot come to an agreement are you really sure you want to remain in this relationship?? Ask yourself the hard questions. This is often harder to do than to say. Think about what is best for you & your child I think the answer will be easier than you think.Many thoughts go with you

I hope the result will be what is best for you & your child.

 

[Rathbone]

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I don't think anyone needs to tell you...I think you know. (I think deep down we always know). And what every relationship needs to be successful is a sense that you are a team, that you are working together.
It sounds like you are currently in the stage of empowering yourself and taking life by the horns. If/When you are ready to move on, move forward into your new life boldly and with confidence. You can do this. And make your new life into exactly what you want it to be. Be frugal by choice - so that yes, you have enough money to get the cello restrung for your daughter etc.

 

[chicmom]

Hi Everyone!

OK, so today is day one of being FRUGAL. Baby steps are being taken here, but I am happy to say that I did not order lunch with the office, which saved me $7.99. I skipped McDonalds, where I would have spent $3.29 for sure, or even $4.29. I've only allowed myself one can of Diet Pepsi, which cost me 50 cents, and I usually would have had two by now.

Sooooo, normally today, I would have already spent $12.78, total for diet soda, a big salad and fast food. I'm going to write that down in my Frugal Journal!

I would have gotten $20.00 out of the bank, which would cost me $1.50 ATM fee, and then by tomorrow, that $20.00 would be about gone because I would have used it on food or a trip to the store. So that money is still in the bank.

I know it's not much but I do feel good about it.....Writing these trivial things down seems to make me feel a bit happy.....

Sharon