Just have to vent.

[chickathon]

We went to my mom's for Christmas dinner. I told her not to bother fixing anything because of recent back problems. She didn't listen. Welll... here is my issue. My sister who also came seemed to think everything was just fine and dandy. Hey mom could you fix the baby a bottle. Hey mom could you see what they are doing? So on and so forth. All the while mom and me are trying to put food on the table. Well it came to clean up and guess who is M.I.A? Sis. I'm in there trying to get things washed up so mom won't have to when she yells for me. I'm like what? (I thought maybe it might be something important.) She asks for a piece of dessert to be brought to her!!! Yes, she was putting the baby to sleep. I told her I would after I got the dishes done. She didn't blink an eyelash didn't say wait until she could help. Nope just says o.k. Then mom comes in and I tell her what sis said. She then goes to get the dessert herself to take it to her! I just wonder why she enables her! I also had a sister-in-law (sort of) that loaded of a load of left overs and hit the road so she would get out of helping too! I am so dissapionted. I knew not to hope for better but thought after she had kids she would understand how much work is involved and want to help out to lighten mom's load.

 

[ChickenPeep]

I'm so sorryy.

 

[JenBirdRansom]

Ugh....so lame! I couldn't guess why people enable others the way they do. Makes me straight NUTTERZ! My mouth fails to filter from my brain and I end up being the one hallering "Get it yer self yer legs aren't broken."

I think when some women have babies they take that first couple days where everyone is waiting on them hand and foot and decide it should carry on that way for as long as they like. Well....I've had my 3 and I just don't function that way. I worked right up until I delivered and then was back to work in 2 weeks with the first, 10 days or so with the second and the third little guy I managed to get back to doing light work after just a week. No "oh poor me" or "I'm so helpless because now I have a baby".

Sounds like your sister is very accustomed to this kind of gentle handling. Someone outta give her an earfull.

The good news is that you are thoughtful and generous with your time and energy towards your mother...which is far more important in the long run.

 

[MeatKing]

Quote:
Well said. She is taking advantage of situation. You didn't say , how old the baby was? If baby is only a few days old, ok.. But even then.. I never had this issue. My last baby, not even 24hrs after giving birth, oh natueral, no pain meds. Sis came to see me, and I sat on bed, slide over, sat indian style sitting up. She looked at me, and was like "how can you do that?" Does that not hurt.. I had stiches etc. Nope doesn't hurt,? (I think cause labour was so short) 4 hours start to finsh, and the pushing was pretty minamal..

Anyways back to op, if baby is more than a week old. Get up of your ass and get it, yourself. Even then, if you can't make your own babies bottle, or get your own dessert.. That;s pretty annoying!

 

[Skyesrocket]

Some people really just don't have a clue. They are so into themselves that they don't notice what is happening around them.
If it were me I would have called both women ahead of time and said, "Look, mom isn't getting any younger and the three of us need to pitch in and help her out with dinner and the clean up." "And it's probably time to start thinking about hosting the holidays at our homes....we can take turns." Maybe it will wake them up to the reality of how hard it is to put everything together for hosting family get togethers.
They are actually missing out on an opportunity to hang out with mom. We always have more fun during the clean up than the dinner....lol.

 

[maybejoey]

Unfortunately there is someone like that in every family.

 

[LiLRedCV]

Sadly, I think just about everyone has one or two of those kind of family members in their family. I know we do! Not sure who's head you want to

- theirs or your own - when this comes up.

About 6mos before the holidays maybe you can start letting everyone know they need to bring at least one or two dishes so the bulk doesn't fall on your mother to cook. Also, let them know in advance that you expect everyone to pitch in with the cleaning ("Hey, why don't we ALL give mom a break this year since she's not supposed to be standing so much due to her back issues! I'm sure she'd REALLY appreciate the effort!!")

Of course, there are some who just can't find a clue if you stick at the tip of their noses, but others will....

 

[Mattemma]

It is your mothers choice. Frustrating as it is. I have seen it with my own when it comes to siblings. They might complain on the one hand,but then are doing all they complained about. You can express your feelings about it to everyone involved,but probably the only thing you can count on changing is YOUR reaction to it. Hope you find a way to deal with it.

I find venting does help. It is kind of like vomiting out something very bad that you took in,and you feel quite better once it is expelled!

 

[canesisters]

Family is just family and as far as I can see, we can either tell them what we think of them (and not have to deal with them anymore) or put up with them (and the infinately complicated relationships).
We 'had Christmas" at Mom's this year. She's been in poor health but it makes her SO happy to decorate the house and make dinner. She didn't want any help with any of it so I (lives the closest) didn't push the subject. However, about an hour after we had all moved into the living room after dinner, I went in to get a refill of tea and washed up all the dishes before I came back out. Did anyone come to help me - nope. (this is one of those open plan homes where you can see the whole kitchen from the LR). Most likely, my siblings - if they even noticed - were more concerned about how 'rude' I was being by not staying with the group. As I expected, as soon as the presents were opened, they got up, hugs all around, and left. I helped clean up the wrapping paper/empty boxes mess and Mom thanked me quietly for getting the kitchen settled so she could go take a nap. It is what it is and althought the fuming makes us all feel better (made me feel better to write this) all we can really do is just love them and fume at them and love them anyway.
BTW - had a message when I got home from my sis - couldn't we have family events at my house from now on since I have more comfortable sofas and a bigger TV, her hubby would be more comfortable....... Personally, I don't care if her hubby even showed up since he barely speaks to anyone... and at that moment I was tempted to play it for Mom - but will probably work out something that will let Mom continue to enjoy being hostess AND keep sis's hubby lumped in front of the TV...
Gotta Luv Um.

 

[country lady]

We all have MIA relatives. DH is the main dishwasher when the sons/family visit; it is his sweet way of helping me out while I cook, etc. Fortunately for me, my sons' chores were washing dishes and mowing lawns, so they also have the dishpan hands in my family when they visit (no dishwasher here). I will dry the dishes sometimes and have great conversations with them. When the sons lived at home, I found the easiest way to know their activities away from home was in the car or the dishwater.

DH learned to do most things in the marines.