Lol!

[vance]

Here is a little something that Jerry Schexnayder had posted on the SCNA. (you guys would have been lucky enough to have him on BYC, but one of the administrators kept deleting his posts for no reason)
TRIP TO WAL-MART


Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large
bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Tauzat, the
Mighty Hunter and was in the checkout line when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet
again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
the way it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel
hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well
and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped
off a curb to sniff at a tire, and a car hit me!

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the
time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

I edited it just a tiny bit, first time I read it, I thought I was gonna die....LOL

 

[vance]

Shirley & Marcy

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?

Do yo u know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied,
'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest? Who in the world is she and why is she following us? '

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow
me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you,and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.