My 4 year old said a 4 letter word... RANT

[Southernbelle]

One thing you can do is stop allowing your husband to curse around you! Let him know you don't want to hear it either, even though you're an adult. I'm old fashioned, too and I just get a certain look on my face when someone curses around me and it usually has them apologizing. In your case, you may have to tell him you're leaving the room until he starts to get it.

In general, I believe there are double standards for adults and children. They don't get to stay up as late as we do, they don't get to drive, or decide whether or not vegetables are mandatory... My kids know which words are curse words and they know better than to repeat them no matter who they heard say them.

 

[rainplace]

My husband can cuss up a storm, and I knew this when I married him. I came to him with 3 boys. A few times throughout the years I've asked him to tone it down, and he looks at me like I'm crazy.

He is what he is.

He's a slob. He's such a slob that I seriously had to consider if this was something I could live with for the rest of my life. I decided it was, because he has so many wonderful attributes.

He has never in all our years together tried to change me. He accepts me the way I am. He accepts me as I change myself and grow into something else. He's tolerant of me and my quirks, and the ways in which I irritate him.

He cusses.

My 21 year old does not cuss, though he spent most of his life with my husband.
My 18 year old cusses with his friends, but not in front of me.
My 11 year old thinks cussing is disgusting.

 

[LarryPQ]

Sorry- I didn't read everything, (at work and should be working

) but I have the same problem. Both DH and I are cursers. ONCE I said SOB in front of the 3-year-old. EVERYDAY for 6 months I heard,
"Mommy sad S*O*B* at swim lessons."

So when he started testing out curse words, name calling, talking back, and the non-stop "POOPY/FART/BOODY/BUTT" words---we had to break out the soap. I made him stand in the tub with the soap in his mouth (tub for easy clean-up, if necessary)

That stopped it for a while.

Then I hurt mysef....and yelled SOB again. So I went in the tub with the soap in the mouth. Everyone came inthe bathroom and watched. Cleaned my language right up. Hubby's too. I keep a hotel-sized soap in my purse for when we are out/tempertantrums. Just whip it out and he quiets down--it's still wrapped.


Now if only I could get DH to stop throwing his phone when customers make him mad.....

 

[SOchick]

I wouldn't make a big deal of it with the 4 year old, it could encourage him. If he says it in front of you, explain that those are adult words and he can use them if he chooses to when he is an adult.

I can be pretty bad about cussing sometimes (DH is too, but I am worse), I have a 9 year old and a 2 year old. My 9 year old DD knows that the words we sometimes use are bad ones, and I allow her to say them once, and explain what they mean (a really nasty way to say ___). If I hear her use them after I allow it once, she gets to hold a bar of soap in her mouth for a while. I have only had to do this twice. So far, my 2 year old DD hasn't imitated us, but this is the approach we will try with her when she gets older.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Gahhh!!!!

I haven't read everything but here goes. Adults are allowed to do things kids aren't. Kids understand this, it is pretty simple to add language to that equation without resorting to soap or hot sauce. I swear sometimes, as does my husband. My children do not. It has been made clear to them that there are alternative words for them to use, and certain words are rude and unacceptable for them. The words are rude for adults or children, but they are unacceptable for children to use. Kids aren't allowed to drink, drive, stay up late, eat whatever they choose, drink coffee, have unlimited sodas. Just add language to this list without making a huge deal out of it. Let them know the words are very ugly coming from a child's mouth, and that they are not allowed to use them.

 

[Rare Feathers Farm]

Isn't that a song title? LOL Sorry....I don't have children but I'd be upset if I was in your shoes...

 

[sparkles2307]

mom'sfolly :

Gahhh!!!!

I haven't read everything but here goes. Adults are allowed to do things kids aren't. Kids understand this, it is pretty simple to add language to that equation without resorting to soap or hot sauce. I swear sometimes, as does my husband. My children do not. It has been made clear to them that there are alternative words for them to use, and certain words are rude and unacceptable for them. The words are rude for adults or children, but they are unacceptable for children to use. Kids aren't allowed to drink, drive, stay up late, eat whatever they choose, drink coffee, have unlimited sodas. Just add language to this list without making a huge deal out of it. Let them know the words are very ugly coming from a child's mouth, and that they are not allowed to use them.

OK weirdly enough, I didnt use soap for the cuss word but I do use soap if they tell me "no"... Only resort to that if they refuse to take it back after a reminder and a "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." if they still say "no" then its the soap.​

 

[PlymouthRocker]

This issue is more about your husband than your boys. If you can get him to agree to change, then your boys will change. Does he want to change and can't or say he doesn't want to change?

Here’s what I did recently to combat an issue in my house. When my DH has a bad day, he comes home and yells at me and my daughter over little things that didn’t bother him the day before. He learned this from his father who learned this from his father. Our daughter has begun this bad habit. This issue has been a problem for him for a long time, but now that there are two of them doing this, I am not happy. When I have a bad day, I do not verbally vomit on my family. This is a self-control issue, just like using potty words.

I waited until I was not angry and neither of us were tired and then I merely stated some facts to him. I didn’t share my opinions or use the words “never” or “always.” I began with, “I have a problem and I need your help to fix it. The problem is our daughter is copying your bad behavior. I would like you to have a talk with her and let her know that you are not being a good role model and that neither of you should be hurting people you love when you have had a bad day.”
He was very humbled instead of defensive because of my attitude and timing.

He talked with her just like I asked, and both of them have really made strides in improving. One day when he blew it, I was able to tell her, “Remember when we talked about this? This is not acceptable behavior for anyone, including Dad.” We prayed that he would feel bad and apologize to us and that we would forgive him. The next morning he went to work before we got up. When he saw us, he was so contrite that he ran to us to apologize. He picked up our daughter and said that he was so sorry. She put his hand on his cheek and said, “We hoped you would say this. Of course we forgive you. We prayed about this last night.” I was SO PROUD of my little family. We are teaching her that her parents aren’t perfect and that self-control is an issue for everyone.

Really, isn’t all of life learning self-control? Isn’t parenting all about being a better role model than our parents were to us? My parents were awesome but I can remember ONE TIME that my mom apologized to me and no time when my dad did. Every parent makes mistakes and if we don't apologize to them, then how can we can we expect them to apologize to us?

Best wishes communicating with your husband. You are starting off much better than others since you all love each other. Imagine if he didn’t love you or the boys.

 

[cutiepieacres]

in little kids I would just ignore it. They may hear something somewhere they feel "gets a reaction" and say it to get a reaction themselves. If you laugh gasp, cry whatever its attention for something they said. Being so little you can explain why its not appropriate till your blue in the face and in the end they got so much attention for that word, must be a good one!
But after saying it a couple times to test the reactions of adults around them when no one does anything its kinda boring and not much worth repeating...

Older children though can understand what it means to say things that can hurt other people so its worth your time to explain. They may also use the words in context knowing what they mean and why and when they are used and explanations will make sense.