Hey, it's after 4am now, that's about as good of time to start the day as any other.
A chilly 8* here this morning, glad I don't have to go outside for a while.
What's your day looking like Bruce?
My leukemia's back.
- Thread starter donrae
- Start date
Hey, it's after 4am now, that's about as good of time to start the day as any other.
A chilly 8* here this morning, glad I don't have to go outside for a while.
What's your day looking like Bruce?
Flying to So. Cal.
For fun?
Good morning Team Rachel. I hope everyone has a blessed day!
Blooie, I normally mention Dd #1, and Dd #2, but I rarely, if ever, mention Dd #3.
Dd #3 is adopted. Her grandmother had mental issues, had been in, and out of institutions for years. All of her children, sooner or later, were placed in foster care. The mother of Dd #3, had mental issues as well. When she was on medication, she was ok. It's when she went off her meds, that she would begin to self-medicate with alcohol, and substance abuse.
Heather was 2 when she came into my family's lives. It took us 7 years to adopt her. She was a great kid. She's always been smart, energetic, outgoing, and very likeable. When she turned 16, she began having minor mental issues. By the time she was 17, she had put me through hell, and was showing more signs of mental issues. Her pediatrician, and I made arrangements to have her evaluated by someone he thought was very good, and could actually help. Just prior to her appointment, she insisted she didn't want to live with me anymore. She thought she was in love, and had convinced her boyfriend's family that I was horribly abusing her. She thought they were going to let her move in with them. It didn't work, and they wouldn't let her move in, so she ended up moving in with her dad. Even he was not prepared to deal with what she had become. I didn't see her for a few years.
A few years later, when my dad was dying, she went to KY to see him, and that's the first time I ever saw my first granddaughter. She was about a year old. Things between us went well, so the relationship continued when we got back home. She was often needing a babysitter, which gave me an opportunity to bond with my granddaughter. I eventually learned she was having me babysit when she was cheating on her husband. She was lying to me.
She called one evening, and had me pick her, and my granddaughter (granddaughter was not quite 2 yet) up from their apartment. When I got there, she was disheveled, and claimed she, and hubby got into a huge fight. Not only did he hit her, but did it in front of my granddaughter, upsetting her terribly. I brought her to the apartment Dh, and I were living in at the time. Dh is a deputy, and was working day shift then, so he was not home. I told her she needed to figure out if she was going back to her hubby, or report the abuse, get a restraining order, and a divorce. She opted for the latter. The deputies came, took her statement, took pictures of where she claimed he hit her. During the process, Dh came home. He told the deputies he didn't know anything about it, and could not be involved in any of it. He went into another room, got on his computer, and stayed there. In a bit, the deputies were going to arrest her hubby, and wanted us to follow them, so she and my granddaughter could get back into their apartment. She, my granddaughter, and I followed them. It went smoothly.
The next evening, she and my granddaughter came over. She said her mother-in-law was coming to see my granddaughter. Her sisters were already at my place, and we all told her it was a bad idea, at this time. Nope, she insisted. When her mother-in-law came, she was crying that she would not be allowed to see her granddaughter. Heather, my daughter, told her that my granddaughter could go spend the night. Again, we warned her this was NOT a good idea, at this point, but she let her mother-in-law take my granddaughter. At that point, I was told I would never be allowed to see my granddaughter again. It ripped my heart out and hurt in ways I didn't even know possible. It took 3 years before I got to see her again.
She, and her hubby began working things out. When it came time to go to court about the charges against him, she told the judge that her husband was normally a very good person, but he was off his meds. She further told the judge that she did not really want to press charges, however, her step dad, my husband, not only insisted she press charges, pressured her into it, and told her what to say. She lied.
The judge started an investigation into Dh, because it's illegal for a deputy to do what she told the judge that he did. The first he found out about the investigation was when he went to work, and was sent home. He was in his 50's at the time, and had been a deputy for over 16 years. Here he is, totally innocent, and being threatened with losing his career, because of her lies. Fortunately, the two deputies that handled it, confirmed he was not home from work yet, and went into another room, so he had no part in it. His bosses confirmed he was at work that day, and what time he left work, which was too late for him to be involved with influencing her prior to her calling it in.
At that point, I cut all ties with her. 1. I had learned that the mother-in-law, being very well off, took complete care of my granddaughter. My daughter only took care of my granddaughter when it suited her. I told my daughters that Heather did not really want the responsibility of raising my granddaughter, she just wanted to play mommy when it was convenient for her. Had she pressed charges on her hubby, mother-in-law would have cut the purse strings. My granddaughter was simply a pawn for her mother to use.
2. Her lies almost cost my husband his career. At 50+ years of age, with over 16 years invested into his career, it's nearly impossible to start over. It's would have cost him, not only his career, but all the benefits he'd accumulated towards his retirement. She was willing to lie, and ruin a man's life, over her greed, and drama. I vowed she would never be allowed back into our lives again. I've kept that vow.
A couple years later, she and her hubby finally got divorced. He got primary custody of my granddaughter, and she got some visitation. About a year after the divorce, the mother-in-law reached out to me. I got to see my granddaughter for the first time in 3 years. She was just about to turn 6.
God forgive me, but in healing from the hurt of never being able to see her again, I put up bit of a wall, so I could never be hurt that bad again. Yes, I was so glad to see her, but I was unsure if I'd ever see her again, or if at some point, once again, I would not be allowed to see her again. I suspect my granddaughter did some of the same thing. We had been very close. I know she begged everyone in the family, including my other daughters to please take her to see her favorite grandma. She cried when she was told that they couldn't. I do get to see her occasionally, but our relationship will never be what it was.
It's not about forgiving her. She is forgiven. Forgiveness doesn't change her though. It changes me. That doesn't mean she's not just as toxic as ever. She is. Even though she's forgiven for the things she did in the past, that does not mean I have to open the door to her, so she can do more of her damage again in my life.
I'm sorry you have had to go through the things you did, Blooie. Don't ever think any less of yourself, if you decide to close the door on that relationship. You did your part. She's the one that's unworthy, not you. Sometimes you have to close the door on a person that's unworthy, to protect yourself, and your love ones from them.
I'd like to add that, while I wish my daughter no ill will, and would be very glad if she got her life straightened around, I don't hope that she gets straightened out, so we could have a relationship. That door is permanently closed.
Dd #3 is adopted. Her grandmother had mental issues, had been in, and out of institutions for years. All of her children, sooner or later, were placed in foster care. The mother of Dd #3, had mental issues as well. When she was on medication, she was ok. It's when she went off her meds, that she would begin to self-medicate with alcohol, and substance abuse.
Heather was 2 when she came into my family's lives. It took us 7 years to adopt her. She was a great kid. She's always been smart, energetic, outgoing, and very likeable. When she turned 16, she began having minor mental issues. By the time she was 17, she had put me through hell, and was showing more signs of mental issues. Her pediatrician, and I made arrangements to have her evaluated by someone he thought was very good, and could actually help. Just prior to her appointment, she insisted she didn't want to live with me anymore. She thought she was in love, and had convinced her boyfriend's family that I was horribly abusing her. She thought they were going to let her move in with them. It didn't work, and they wouldn't let her move in, so she ended up moving in with her dad. Even he was not prepared to deal with what she had become. I didn't see her for a few years.
A few years later, when my dad was dying, she went to KY to see him, and that's the first time I ever saw my first granddaughter. She was about a year old. Things between us went well, so the relationship continued when we got back home. She was often needing a babysitter, which gave me an opportunity to bond with my granddaughter. I eventually learned she was having me babysit when she was cheating on her husband. She was lying to me.
She called one evening, and had me pick her, and my granddaughter (granddaughter was not quite 2 yet) up from their apartment. When I got there, she was disheveled, and claimed she, and hubby got into a huge fight. Not only did he hit her, but did it in front of my granddaughter, upsetting her terribly. I brought her to the apartment Dh, and I were living in at the time. Dh is a deputy, and was working day shift then, so he was not home. I told her she needed to figure out if she was going back to her hubby, or report the abuse, get a restraining order, and a divorce. She opted for the latter. The deputies came, took her statement, took pictures of where she claimed he hit her. During the process, Dh came home. He told the deputies he didn't know anything about it, and could not be involved in any of it. He went into another room, got on his computer, and stayed there. In a bit, the deputies were going to arrest her hubby, and wanted us to follow them, so she and my granddaughter could get back into their apartment. She, my granddaughter, and I followed them. It went smoothly.
The next evening, she and my granddaughter came over. She said her mother-in-law was coming to see my granddaughter. Her sisters were already at my place, and we all told her it was a bad idea, at this time. Nope, she insisted. When her mother-in-law came, she was crying that she would not be allowed to see her granddaughter. Heather, my daughter, told her that my granddaughter could go spend the night. Again, we warned her this was NOT a good idea, at this point, but she let her mother-in-law take my granddaughter. At that point, I was told I would never be allowed to see my granddaughter again. It ripped my heart out and hurt in ways I didn't even know possible. It took 3 years before I got to see her again.
She, and her hubby began working things out. When it came time to go to court about the charges against him, she told the judge that her husband was normally a very good person, but he was off his meds. She further told the judge that she did not really want to press charges, however, her step dad, my husband, not only insisted she press charges, pressured her into it, and told her what to say. She lied.
The judge started an investigation into Dh, because it's illegal for a deputy to do what she told the judge that he did. The first he found out about the investigation was when he went to work, and was sent home. He was in his 50's at the time, and had been a deputy for over 16 years. Here he is, totally innocent, and being threatened with losing his career, because of her lies. Fortunately, the two deputies that handled it, confirmed he was not home from work yet, and went into another room, so he had no part in it. His bosses confirmed he was at work that day, and what time he left work, which was too late for him to be involved with influencing her prior to her calling it in.
At that point, I cut all ties with her. 1. I had learned that the mother-in-law, being very well off, took complete care of my granddaughter. My daughter only took care of my granddaughter when it suited her. I told my daughters that Heather did not really want the responsibility of raising my granddaughter, she just wanted to play mommy when it was convenient for her. Had she pressed charges on her hubby, mother-in-law would have cut the purse strings. My granddaughter was simply a pawn for her mother to use.
2. Her lies almost cost my husband his career. At 50+ years of age, with over 16 years invested into his career, it's nearly impossible to start over. It's would have cost him, not only his career, but all the benefits he'd accumulated towards his retirement. She was willing to lie, and ruin a man's life, over her greed, and drama. I vowed she would never be allowed back into our lives again. I've kept that vow.
A couple years later, she and her hubby finally got divorced. He got primary custody of my granddaughter, and she got some visitation. About a year after the divorce, the mother-in-law reached out to me. I got to see my granddaughter for the first time in 3 years. She was just about to turn 6.
God forgive me, but in healing from the hurt of never being able to see her again, I put up bit of a wall, so I could never be hurt that bad again. Yes, I was so glad to see her, but I was unsure if I'd ever see her again, or if at some point, once again, I would not be allowed to see her again. I suspect my granddaughter did some of the same thing. We had been very close. I know she begged everyone in the family, including my other daughters to please take her to see her favorite grandma. She cried when she was told that they couldn't. I do get to see her occasionally, but our relationship will never be what it was.
It's not about forgiving her. She is forgiven. Forgiveness doesn't change her though. It changes me. That doesn't mean she's not just as toxic as ever. She is. Even though she's forgiven for the things she did in the past, that does not mean I have to open the door to her, so she can do more of her damage again in my life.
I'm sorry you have had to go through the things you did, Blooie. Don't ever think any less of yourself, if you decide to close the door on that relationship. You did your part. She's the one that's unworthy, not you. Sometimes you have to close the door on a person that's unworthy, to protect yourself, and your love ones from them.
I'd like to add that, while I wish my daughter no ill will, and would be very glad if she got her life straightened around, I don't hope that she gets straightened out, so we could have a relationship. That door is permanently closed.
@getaclue, well said.
@getaclue, had to read that twice. The first time my eyes seemed a little too blurry....
All of that so parallels what we’ve been through. Ken lost his cool with Terrin one night and hit her, with his belt. Frustration was always just at the surface for us and had been for years. Terrin had to fake a suicide attempt before we could get any professionals to even listen to us. Oh, there were programs, but at that time they all dealt with drug and alcohol abuse. She didn’t fit that..,BL’s don’t usually use anything until they are much older - they need tight control of everyone around them and don’t have that control when they are impaired. No, he shouldn’t have hit her, but you’d have to understand the frustration of hearing your daughter screaming obscenities and threatening her mother and siblings to understand why he snapped. Ken immediately drove down to the Navy hospital and turned himself in. As most of you know, Ken is a loving, gentle soul and such behavior was and still is totally out of character for him. From that moment on, though, in Terri’s twisted mind that’s all he ever did, to her and to the other kids. Wrong, oh, so wrong. And the night he went in, God was with us and the doctor on duty had dealt with Terri many times previously. That was the night we were told to make her a ward of the state and get her away from us so we could put our family back together in peace.
Her behavior almost got us kicked out of Navy housing on more than one occasion. It threatened a stellar career of 18 years of Naval service when she accused him of sexual abuse. The investigation was humiliating for the whole family, but we’d long since been in the habit of documenting every incident, every police and doctor contact, every run away, and we demanded copies of all of her hospitalization records, which we also kept. Ken was cleared. The Navy will sacrifice 100% of the innocent to root out the 10% of the guilty, is what we were told by NIS. The documentation and the questioning of the professionals we’d had contact with over the years by NIS was the only thing that saved Ken.
After hospitalizations in Old Orchard Psychiatric Hospital (twice) the state hospital once, we found Camelot. It took 3 years to get the Navy to agree to a long term care facility. When we arrived, Terrin was sullen, rebellious, and tense as a wound watchspring. The intake doctor, Liz, smiled at her and asked, “Do you understand why you’re here, Terri?” Terri literally spat on the floor at Liz’s feet and said, “Yeah, because Mom and Dad are sick of me again and just want their precious Tammy and Kenny.” “Liz reached over and handed her a tissue, pointing at the floor as she said, “No, you’re here because no one can stand to live with you unless they’re paid to do it. And I’m paid well.” Terri ended up living there for a year and half, thriving and loving it. We visited once a month and our old Terrin was there. She played her guitar to entertain staff and residents, helped out within the obvious limits imposed and her grades skyrocketed. We were worried about our upcoming transfer to Mississippi, but Camelot assured us that she’d be fine, and she was. But she was scheduled to be released on her 18th birthday, and we were nervous about that. A few weeks before she turned 17, she deliberately got “separated” from her shopping group, hightailed it to the bus station, and put her acting skills to work. She convinced a man and his wife that she’d been a runaway to Chicago and the holidays were depressing her so badly she knew all she wanted to was go home and be with her family. They bought her a bus ticket to Pascagoula and a box of food, blessed her and wished her luck, and sent her on her way. Camelot had called us, of course, and reported her as a runaway, but no one expected her to show up at our door on my birthday. Ken got emergency leave and we took her all the way back. She was released at 18, we went up and got her, and 2 weeks later she met James, a 27 year old radio DJ. Three weeks later she was pregnant, and a week after that they got married.
I guess I could go on and on....and probably have done so too much. But the lies, manipulation of law enforcement and mental health professionals that you’ve outlined are so eerily close to what we experienced. Our favorite doctor, Dr. Frankle, told us once to remember “that the times you love them the least are always the times they need you the most” and her other favorite quote was from Carol Burnett when the star had an out of control child. That quote got me through a lot...”Sometimes you have to love them enough to let them hate you for awhile.” Yeah.
All of that so parallels what we’ve been through. Ken lost his cool with Terrin one night and hit her, with his belt. Frustration was always just at the surface for us and had been for years. Terrin had to fake a suicide attempt before we could get any professionals to even listen to us. Oh, there were programs, but at that time they all dealt with drug and alcohol abuse. She didn’t fit that..,BL’s don’t usually use anything until they are much older - they need tight control of everyone around them and don’t have that control when they are impaired. No, he shouldn’t have hit her, but you’d have to understand the frustration of hearing your daughter screaming obscenities and threatening her mother and siblings to understand why he snapped. Ken immediately drove down to the Navy hospital and turned himself in. As most of you know, Ken is a loving, gentle soul and such behavior was and still is totally out of character for him. From that moment on, though, in Terri’s twisted mind that’s all he ever did, to her and to the other kids. Wrong, oh, so wrong. And the night he went in, God was with us and the doctor on duty had dealt with Terri many times previously. That was the night we were told to make her a ward of the state and get her away from us so we could put our family back together in peace.
Her behavior almost got us kicked out of Navy housing on more than one occasion. It threatened a stellar career of 18 years of Naval service when she accused him of sexual abuse. The investigation was humiliating for the whole family, but we’d long since been in the habit of documenting every incident, every police and doctor contact, every run away, and we demanded copies of all of her hospitalization records, which we also kept. Ken was cleared. The Navy will sacrifice 100% of the innocent to root out the 10% of the guilty, is what we were told by NIS. The documentation and the questioning of the professionals we’d had contact with over the years by NIS was the only thing that saved Ken.
After hospitalizations in Old Orchard Psychiatric Hospital (twice) the state hospital once, we found Camelot. It took 3 years to get the Navy to agree to a long term care facility. When we arrived, Terrin was sullen, rebellious, and tense as a wound watchspring. The intake doctor, Liz, smiled at her and asked, “Do you understand why you’re here, Terri?” Terri literally spat on the floor at Liz’s feet and said, “Yeah, because Mom and Dad are sick of me again and just want their precious Tammy and Kenny.” “Liz reached over and handed her a tissue, pointing at the floor as she said, “No, you’re here because no one can stand to live with you unless they’re paid to do it. And I’m paid well.” Terri ended up living there for a year and half, thriving and loving it. We visited once a month and our old Terrin was there. She played her guitar to entertain staff and residents, helped out within the obvious limits imposed and her grades skyrocketed. We were worried about our upcoming transfer to Mississippi, but Camelot assured us that she’d be fine, and she was. But she was scheduled to be released on her 18th birthday, and we were nervous about that. A few weeks before she turned 17, she deliberately got “separated” from her shopping group, hightailed it to the bus station, and put her acting skills to work. She convinced a man and his wife that she’d been a runaway to Chicago and the holidays were depressing her so badly she knew all she wanted to was go home and be with her family. They bought her a bus ticket to Pascagoula and a box of food, blessed her and wished her luck, and sent her on her way. Camelot had called us, of course, and reported her as a runaway, but no one expected her to show up at our door on my birthday. Ken got emergency leave and we took her all the way back. She was released at 18, we went up and got her, and 2 weeks later she met James, a 27 year old radio DJ. Three weeks later she was pregnant, and a week after that they got married.
I guess I could go on and on....and probably have done so too much. But the lies, manipulation of law enforcement and mental health professionals that you’ve outlined are so eerily close to what we experienced. Our favorite doctor, Dr. Frankle, told us once to remember “that the times you love them the least are always the times they need you the most” and her other favorite quote was from Carol Burnett when the star had an out of control child. That quote got me through a lot...”Sometimes you have to love them enough to let them hate you for awhile.” Yeah.
Blooie, those quotes are true in many situations, but not all. Certainly not in mine.
Similar threads
New posts New threads Active threads
-
Latest threads
-
-
What to do with aggressive silver fox rabbit doe?
- Started by flickerfarkle
- Replies: 1
-
-
-
-
-
Threads with more replies in the last 15 days
-
Challenges of living in the woods with chickens
- Started by Carontheroad
- Replies: 169
-
Moderator Appreciation 2025- Started by Nifty-Chicken
- Replies: 95
-
-
-
Open Contest Official BYC Poultry Caption Contest 06-20-25 Pic by Jenbirdee- Started by TwoCrows
- Replies: 55
-
