My leukemia's back.

[getaclue]

LaFemme, I can't disagree with your assessment.

 

[getaclue]

He's made it through the night, but everything is still the same.

 

[ronott1]

I got a call this evening from Dd #2. She was at the hospital. Her husband has been in there since yesterday. She was crying. He's in ICU, and they don't think he's going to make it. She sounded like she needed her mommy, so I headed to the hospital.

She needed a break, so we went to get coffee. On the way to the cafeteria, she broke down. She was feeling like she had killed her husband. I told her to stop letting thoughts like that, cloud her mind. (One of his brothers blamed her, so that planted doubts in her mind, that have no place there).

He's a drunk. A drink til he passed out, type drunk. She was ready to leave him when Covid hit, and her job was shut down. The apartment was in his name, so they couldn't evict them, but she couldn't afford to get out on her own with her job being shut down. Her job eventually opened back up some, but not like before. During that time, he'd gotten even worse.

She'd come home from work, and he'd be so drunk, he couldn't get up, or be able to crawl to the bathroom. He would urinate all over himself, poop all over himself, and vomit all over himself. Of course, some of the time he would do this while in bed, but other times he'd be passed out on the living room floor. She'd come home from work, clean him up, get him changed, put a clean plastic sheet, and clean linens on the bed, then wash all the soiled things, or have to mop the floors. When she caught him awake, she would feed him. In many ways, it was like taking care of a baby. Eventually she resorted to putting adult diapers on him. He even kept telling her he wanted to drink himself to death.

She is just recently back to work full time. She was already looking at her budget, and a timeline to move. Friday night, he was so bad off, she dumped out all the booze she could find. Saturday, he was a bit better. Weak, and shaky, but coherent, and better. Sunday, he was acting a bit drunk, but was fairly coherent when she spoke to him. She fed him, and put him to bed. Monday, evening when she got home, he was hanging over the bathtub, and had soiled himself with diarrhea. She got him cleaned up. She was going to help him to bed, but he told her to leave him in the bathtub. She dried the tub, brought pillows, and a blanket to help make him comfortable.

When she went to work Tuesday morning, she was a bit worried about him. He was acting a bit like he was drunk. She figured he'd either had some booze hidden that she hadn't poured out, or he had gone to the store, and got more booze. BUT maybe it was that he was having trouble, since she'd poured out his booze. She wasn't sure, but called one of his brothers, and asked him to go check on him. His brother couldn't do it, but told her to call 911, and have them do a wellness check.

2 deputies showed up. The thought he was drunk. He answered the door, but then laid down on the floor. They tried talking to him, but he mumbled, and was incoherent. They called the EMTs. The EMTs thought he was possibly drunk, but he was totally incoherent, so they took him to the hospital.

They ran tests at the hospital, and EVERYTHING was way off. His kidneys had shut down, and he needed dialysis to remove toxins. In addition, his liver was damaged from all the drinking, and was not functioning properly, either. His blood pressure was very low. His stomach was bleeding bad, from ulcers. As they worked on him, he went into a coma. They put him in ICU, and called her. He became unable to breathe on his own, so he's on a ventilator. The doctor(s) told her that he could come out of it, but they didn't think he would.

She called his mom. His mother is aware of her son's behavior. She doesn't fault my daughter one bit. His brother, on the other hand, went off on my daughter today. It's all her fault, since she didn't get him to a doctor on Monday evening, when she found him covered in his own diarrhea. That's why she was so upset that she felt like she had killed her husband. I told her in no uncertain terms, that had she taken him to the hospital on Monday night, it would have made no difference. His organs were already seriously damaged, from years of hard drinking, and were already shutting down. They didn't sustain that damage in one day. Heck, if he had gone to the doctor a week earlier, it wouldn't have mattered significantly, when that kind of organ damage is involved, and they start shutting down. That relieved her mind.

Later tonight, the brother apologized to her. He knows she did her best for his brother, and that he'd still be dying, even if she had taken him to the hospital the night before. He was having a hard time coping, and lashing out.

My daughter asked me to pray for her husband. I prayed that Heavenly Father's will be done, and that He please be swift to decide, so it doesn't linger long. I prayed for her too.

I am so sorry!

I will pray for all of you guys!

 

[Alaskan]

I got a call this evening from Dd #2. She was at the hospital. Her husband has been in there since yesterday. She was crying. He's in ICU, and they don't think he's going to make it. She sounded like she needed her mommy, so I headed to the hospital.

She needed a break, so we went to get coffee. On the way to the cafeteria, she broke down. She was feeling like she had killed her husband. I told her to stop letting thoughts like that, cloud her mind. (One of his brothers blamed her, so that planted doubts in her mind, that have no place there).

He's a drunk. A drink til he passed out, type drunk. She was ready to leave him when Covid hit, and her job was shut down. The apartment was in his name, so they couldn't evict them, but she couldn't afford to get out on her own with her job being shut down. Her job eventually opened back up some, but not like before. During that time, he'd gotten even worse.

She'd come home from work, and he'd be so drunk, he couldn't get up, or be able to crawl to the bathroom. He would urinate all over himself, poop all over himself, and vomit all over himself. Of course, some of the time he would do this while in bed, but other times he'd be passed out on the living room floor. She'd come home from work, clean him up, get him changed, put a clean plastic sheet, and clean linens on the bed, then wash all the soiled things, or have to mop the floors. When she caught him awake, she would feed him. In many ways, it was like taking care of a baby. Eventually she resorted to putting adult diapers on him. He even kept telling her he wanted to drink himself to death.

She is just recently back to work full time. She was already looking at her budget, and a timeline to move. Friday night, he was so bad off, she dumped out all the booze she could find. Saturday, he was a bit better. Weak, and shaky, but coherent, and better. Sunday, he was acting a bit drunk, but was fairly coherent when she spoke to him. She fed him, and put him to bed. Monday, evening when she got home, he was hanging over the bathtub, and had soiled himself with diarrhea. She got him cleaned up. She was going to help him to bed, but he told her to leave him in the bathtub. She dried the tub, brought pillows, and a blanket to help make him comfortable.

When she went to work Tuesday morning, she was a bit worried about him. He was acting a bit like he was drunk. She figured he'd either had some booze hidden that she hadn't poured out, or he had gone to the store, and got more booze. BUT maybe it was that he was having trouble, since she'd poured out his booze. She wasn't sure, but called one of his brothers, and asked him to go check on him. His brother couldn't do it, but told her to call 911, and have them do a wellness check.

2 deputies showed up. The thought he was drunk. He answered the door, but then laid down on the floor. They tried talking to him, but he mumbled, and was incoherent. They called the EMTs. The EMTs thought he was possibly drunk, but he was totally incoherent, so they took him to the hospital.

They ran tests at the hospital, and EVERYTHING was way off. His kidneys had shut down, and he needed dialysis to remove toxins. In addition, his liver was damaged from all the drinking, and was not functioning properly, either. His blood pressure was very low. His stomach was bleeding bad, from ulcers. As they worked on him, he went into a coma. They put him in ICU, and called her. He became unable to breathe on his own, so he's on a ventilator. The doctor(s) told her that he could come out of it, but they didn't think he would.

She called his mom. His mother is aware of her son's behavior. She doesn't fault my daughter one bit. His brother, on the other hand, went off on my daughter today. It's all her fault, since she didn't get him to a doctor on Monday evening, when she found him covered in his own diarrhea. That's why she was so upset that she felt like she had killed her husband. I told her in no uncertain terms, that had she taken him to the hospital on Monday night, it would have made no difference. His organs were already seriously damaged, from years of hard drinking, and were already shutting down. They didn't sustain that damage in one day. Heck, if he had gone to the doctor a week earlier, it wouldn't have mattered significantly, when that kind of organ damage is involved, and they start shutting down. That relieved her mind.

Later tonight, the brother apologized to her. He knows she did her best for his brother, and that he'd still be dying, even if she had taken him to the hospital the night before. He was having a hard time coping, and lashing out.

My daughter asked me to pray for her husband. I prayed that Heavenly Father's will be done, and that He please be swift to decide, so it doesn't linger long. I prayed for her too.

Black, what a nightmare.

I am 100% with you though.

NOT your daughters fault. He was clearly working for years trying to kill himself.

 

[bruceha2000]

He even kept telling her he wanted to drink himself to death.

What Al said, the man has been committing slow death suicide for years. Given all you said I doubt he will live much longer even if he quit drinking altogether. Way too much organ damage has been done. for your daughter and hopefully she will understand that she couldn't have done anything to keep him out of the hospital at death's door.

 

[getaclue]

For whatever reason, I had Dd #1, and the grands go to the hospital with me. I was going to give her money, and take her some food. I mentioned that even if the kids couldn't go in, she could come sit in the car to eat, and visit with them too. When we got to the hospital, they told us it was against the rules to allow children under 12 to go into ICU. I mentioned that they had called in the family, and this might be their last chance to say goodbye. They were allowed to go up to ICU.

While we were standing there, waiting for permission, Dd # 2 texted that they were going to pull the plugs real soon. We got up there just in time. We waited in the ICU waiting room, while they disconnected him. My daughter held his hand until it was over. She kept saying, until death do us part.

She's not doing well. There are a lot of mixed emotions. In her head, she knows he did this to himself, but that is no consolation to her heart. Her boss let her know they have a nice package available through the company, including good counseling/therapy, and she wants my daughter to take advantage of it.

It's going to take some time, and therapy, but she will come through this. It's the "coming through" that's the hard part. In the meantime, she's going to be staying here with us for awhile.

 

[ronott1]

For whatever reason, I had Dd #1, and the grands go to the hospital with me. I was going to give her money, and take her some food. I mentioned that even if the kids couldn't go in, she could come sit in the car to eat, and visit with them too. When we got to the hospital, they told us it was against the rules to allow children under 12 to go into ICU. I mentioned that they had called in the family, and this might be their last chance to say goodbye. They were allowed to go up to ICU.

While we were standing there, waiting for permission, Dd # 2 texted that they were going to pull the plugs real soon. We got up there just in time. We waited in the ICU waiting room, while they disconnected him. My daughter held his hand until it was over. She kept saying, until death do us part.

She's not doing well. There are a lot of mixed emotions. In her head, she knows he did this to himself, but that is no consolation to her heart. Her boss let her know they have a nice package available through the company, including good counseling/therapy, and she wants my daughter to take advantage of it.

It's going to take some time, and therapy, but she will come through this. It's the "coming through" that's the hard part. In the meantime, she's going to be staying here with us for awhile.

It is very lovely that you are there for them!

I am sorry for the loss.

 

[getaclue]

Thank you, Ron.

 

[Alaskan]

For whatever reason, I had Dd #1, and the grands go to the hospital with me. I was going to give her money, and take her some food. I mentioned that even if the kids couldn't go in, she could come sit in the car to eat, and visit with them too. When we got to the hospital, they told us it was against the rules to allow children under 12 to go into ICU. I mentioned that they had called in the family, and this might be their last chance to say goodbye. They were allowed to go up to ICU.

While we were standing there, waiting for permission, Dd # 2 texted that they were going to pull the plugs real soon. We got up there just in time. We waited in the ICU waiting room, while they disconnected him. My daughter held his hand until it was over. She kept saying, until death do us part.

She's not doing well. There are a lot of mixed emotions. In her head, she knows he did this to himself, but that is no consolation to her heart. Her boss let her know they have a nice package available through the company, including good counseling/therapy, and she wants my daughter to take advantage of it.

It's going to take some time, and therapy, but she will come through this. It's the "coming through" that's the hard part. In the meantime, she's going to be staying here with us for awhile.

That is pretty great, about the therapy coverage. Help her to find a good one.

I pray that you all find strength to get through this.

 

[Blooie]

@getaclue Debbie helped me find Rachel’s Waiting Room thread…..I lost it and not even doing a search helped me find it. I often came here just to read back posts and remember. It seems to help me put my problems into perspective and it’s so important to support those who have supported me.

My heart broke reading what your family has been through. I hope that by now things have calmed and that your daughter is on her way to finding some peace.