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Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Bec, Jun 3, 2008.
I deleted this post.....
Oh, honey....my mom always said if you want to rip a family apart, plan a wedding. Bless your heart, I have no advice. But I wanted to say how much I love your avatar.
Gosh, I hope that helps!
My Hubby's family still won't forgive us for not travelling to NC for his sister's 2nd wedding when I was pregnant and 2 days away from my due date.
I know you're situation is different, but my advise is to do what is right for you and your husband. Everyone else will just have to understand...or not.
Tuff situation to be in. I say "sleep on it." Hopefully someone will figure out a compromise tomorrow. Or you will realize what you really want to do.
I would work out the thing about the Vegas wedding and go from there. Your husband either has some old issues with not being able to go to his brother's wedding or is just trying to make you believe you said something you didn't just to get his way, which IMO is a serious lack of respect for you and your marriage. This needs to be resolved NOW before you are ever going to get anywhere with the present issue.
With that said, I think it is wrong of your mother to offer to pay for just your way to go to the wedding and not your husband's. If it is an issue of she can just afford one ticket, then she should have not offered anything at all, knowing just offering to pay your way would cause trouble between you and your husband.
It seems like you are surrounded by people who care a lot more about what they want than what it could be doing to you as a result. I've been there myself and I feel for you. The only thing you can do is to start standing up for what you want and believe you deserve it if you want any respect for your needs and feelings.
Tough situation but my question is why is it a situation?
Moneys tight, Moms paying, husbands upset? It doesnt make sense to me. A discussion from 5 years ago doesnt hold a candle in my marriage, if there truly isn't a reason that you should not or could not go you should go, for you, your brother, your mother and your husband. Honestly he shouldnt hold the fact that he didnt go to a wedding 5 years ago over your head, if hes just being a turd, ignore him.
What a tough situation. I think maybe you need to think about how you will feel if you don't go. Weigh all the pros and cons. Will your brother understand if you can't make it? How long will hubby stay mad? Dig deep into yourself, think about it all by yourself, without your mother's input any further. Is it feasible to go? Can you really afford it? Were you fine with not going before your mom offered to pay? If so, then try not to let her pressure you into going just because she is removing a very real obstacle for you, no money.
Wow, that is tough. I guess maybe let stuff cool off tonight and talk to hubby in the morning. I can see why you would really want to go to your brothers wedding so maybe something can be worked out?
(A Man's point of view)
IMHO...you shouldn't have told your mother squat, It's none of her business. Just say that you have obligations and can't go.
Then work out the Las Vegas thing between you and DH. (without mom, mom-in-law, cousins etc in your business.)
Tell them you have eggs in the bator and just CAN"T go....
Now you have your whole family mad at him....How would you feel if he did that to you? A little defensive perhaps?
If I were you I'd appologies to everyone. Tell them you miss spoke, And go with YOU wouldn't feel it would be appropriate to go since you couldn't go to HIS brother's wedding.
He dosen't want your family mad at him just like you don't want his mad at you.
What ever you do or don't do, if it dosen't get fixed really quickly, It will fester and boil way down deep until it blows up. Best to get it out and done right here and now.
But it's just My Humble Opinion.............