Need your advice, please!

[MamaRoo]

You can always say that you didn't think she would do that without telling him. You didn't bring it up because she hadn't.

He can only continue to be the good guy and hope she eventually figures it out.

 

[MamaRoo]

I also don't think he's on the hook for med school, or anything beyond a bachelor's degree.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Personally, and being a child of divorce, I'm quite surprised at some of the advice on here. The daughter is obviously hurting really bad -- I did for years and took my father through the ringer and made him "pay" for dumping me. As I became an adult I realized on my own what the grudge was doing to me and came to forgive him. We now have a good relationship. I call him "Dad" now instead of by his first name.

You wanted advice? Stay out of it. The girl isnt' about to change her behavior right now, she's in pain and feels entitled to what she gets from him, and she also feels he's entitled to the way she treats him. If he wanted it to change it's up to him to talk to her. Honestly any nuggets of advice given will fall on deaf ears. She needs time to mature and process this before she'll be able to heal.

 

[sourland]

Quote:
Well said, Jamie. Excellent insight and advice.

 

[Mahonri]

If the daughter is in med school, 5 or 6 YEARS have passed and the dad needs to go back to court and change things.

Why on EARTH he would ever write the $1,800 out to the ex is beyond me.

If she has changed her name, she has written him off and he needs to do the same at this point. IMHO.

Men don't walk away from a good thing. They almost NEVER leave a woman until they have another one. They don't usually get another one unless the one they are with isn't treating them right. (as a general rule...there are ALWAYS exceptions)

.....and that's the way it is.....

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Quote:
Me do walk away from good things all the time, I know my Dad walked away from my Mom and I. Women do the same thing, they get bored, feel mistreated (justified or not), they lose sight of what they need VS what they want. What a "good thing" is can change drastically depending on the year. Other stress factors such as money issues, children, illness often play a role in how we look at our marriage and spouce. And then there's the issue of repsonsitilbity to communicate to the spouce when/if we feel the "good things" are missing.

 

[sourland]

Yea, I can't completely agree with Mahonri (sorry.) I have a number of dumb a$$ friends who walked away from good women because of boredom, stupidity, lust and a whole varoiety of non legitimate reasons.

 

[mom'sfolly]

This isn't about walking away from the ex, it is about walking away from the daughter. I've seen a lot of men who prefer controlling women, it means they can be their ADD selves, but things still get done.

When the guy left his marriage, he also left his daughter. No matter what went on, I'm sure her idea is that dad deserted her and mom. At this point any checks should be going directly to the daughter. The mom needs to be out of that loop.

It terms of the name change...I'd stay out of it. If you must tell, it is probably better to say something like "I heard your daughter is using her step father's last name, what's up with that?' Because, really at this stage it is just an internet rumor. Young people do stupid stuff.