Never again

[vatterpa]

Quote:
Don't feel too bad for them. I'm sure you did it quickly and they wouldn't have lived long anyway if they were cornish Xs. You gave them love and a better place in life. And when the dinner comes to the table you will remember what they gave to feed you.

 

[Sunny Side Up]

Awww, I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

Was it so bad because you encountered complications with the process or was it just having to Do The Deed? I've found that practice has improved my experiences with both. Something valuable can be learned with each session that makes it easier & more efficent for the next. And for many of us raised in modern urban settings, it's a real departure to have to personally dispatch an animal for use on our table, something we have raised & tended, something we're not afraid of or threatened by or disgusted with. But I've found it now makes me feel empowered, that I have mastered this basic human survival skill, and have confidence in my ability to swiftly & efficently, therefore humanely, dispatch chickens.

But I still haven't yet processed any of my spent laying hens, and cannot bring myself to do a duck. And especially not my pair of geese. I am considering getting a couple of turkeys for our holiday table, and would have to psyche myself right from the start that they were meant for meat.

If you have a professional processor handy who will do the job for little cost it just might be better to employ them the next time. Take some deep cleansing breaths and take comfort in knowing your birds still had a better life and death than most commercially-raised chickens. I hope you can enjoy your meals with them, knowing the effort & sacrifice that went into them, both yours & the birds', and appreciate with gratitude every morsel.

 

[Chicken411]

The setup was okay.We skinned. We had a cone, a sink, a table, sharp knives, coolers. Could have been better, but not bad. I thought I was mentally prepared as I could be, since I did not grow up killing things for food. I watched videos over and over, studying the techniques, doing the research. Videos that made me sick the first time I watched them, I could watch without difficulty by the time we processed. I didn't look the birds in the eye, I barely looked at them at all today, if I could avoid it. I just didn't expect the crying out and the squirming. They were scared and they hurt and that really hurt me.

Yes they died as quickly as they could under the circumstances, I didn't cut windpipes, and by the end, the cuts were much better than the first, though none were terrible. I killed the first one and then my husband did about 8 and then he had to leave and myself and a friend did the rest. As one chicken that I had cut was dying and I was crying, my husband, having grown up on a farm, said it was the best I could expect for this type of a circumstance. He said no one likes to kill things, but this situation was ideal. He said it was the best I could hope for.

I am so grateful for everyone's kind responses. They make me feel better. I know this was better than what most store bought birds would have gone through. It's just hard when you're holding their head in your hand....especially the ones you get attached to like Gimpy. I just felt horrible and kept thinking, all this so I can eat chicken? My husband should have just done the killing, but he had to leave. He told me he has to go to some hard place when he does things like that and he really hates it. I think we'll be having someone else do it from now on. I wish I could say I got something positive out of the experience.

Again, thank you for your kind responses. I was afraid there would be criticism, but it sounds like many of you understand or can relate.

 

[Dogfish]

Say a good word to your birds as you dispatch them, and thank them when you prepare them as your meal.

Killed literally thousands of animals hunting, birds mostly, from a distance with a shotgun or some other implement. 30+ big game animals, and lots of small game. None of them affected me as much as the one rooster we dispatched with a machette. We care for these birds, and put a lot of effort into them. Heck, I gave mine a bath last night and I was up until midnight with them, making sure they were drying out and warm. It is normal to feel some sense of loss.

As someone else has said, you sound as if you are suited for the position at the end of the assembly line, cleaning and packaging. You should be proud of yourself though, for taking the responsibility of dispatching your own food. Many folks leave the killing up to others. Be proud when you serve your own birds to family and friends.

Most of all, take care. You will be fine.

 

[Qi Chicken]

I'm so sorry. I know I would feel the same. Hugs to you. Enjoy bringing them joy. And maybe raise egg-layers. The cleaning end of the assembly line is really not bad but you don't have to kill the animal to raise it responsibly.

You're great.

 

[WyandotteTX]

Its a tough thing to deal with for sure. You are just experiencing it much later in life than alot of us. We raised alot of birds to eat each spring(had 3 boys and dad to feed in the house), usually butchered around 200 or so. My first experience with it was probably about the age of 7 or so. I didnt like the experience so much but as I grew and learned the value of what those chickens meant to our family and having enough to eat at dinner time I was grateful to those birds for allowing us to have so many wonderful meals with my family. Dispatching any animal is never easy and like another poster said, I have killed just about anything that moves at one point or another. But doing so served a purpose in either feeding our family or getting rid of varmints or pests that endangered our food supply.
It will get easier the next time you do it for sure. Everyone has different styles of dispatching of your birds when you butcher them. We only did a few at a time so the squawking was held to a minimum, plus we always beheaded them and skinned them like you did also. Skinning so much easier than plucking imo. Hated having to pick feathers off of a bird.
Anyway, just give thanks and savor the taste of your meals provided by your birds. You gave them great care in raising them and they are paying you back.

 

[KatyTheChickenLady]

I understand completely. I pay to have mine done and find whatever the price it is the best way for me.
I have made myself do my own "mercy" killings but even that still wrenches my heart.

 

[chickenlover51]

I grew up butchering chickens. We always used a block of wood and an axe, it's quick. I don't think I could do it if I had to wring their necks and cut their throats.

I would opt out, I think. I know there is more blood with using an axe, but it is much better and quick for the chicken, I am hoping anyway. Sorry it was such an ordeal for you.

That had to have been rough.....

 

[petrelline]

Awwww.

It's OK.

This really is the sort of experience where you just don't know how it's going to affect you until you do it, no matter how many videos you watch or how much you try to steel yourself. And if it's just too hard for you, that's OK. It doesn't make you weaker or worse than the rest of us. That's just the way your heart is. As others said, you can find your place in the process, whether it's just raising chickens and then sending them off to a processor, or taking part in the processing after the killing is done.

You still raised good chickens with respect and honor, and that is the most important part. I'm proud of you.

 

[Mamaperreca]

Yeah. We killed our first a week or so ago. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to eat it afterwards. I also grew up on a farm, but wasn't really responsible for those animals like I have been the birds. So it was different. I definitely didn't like it.

I think next time i am definitely going to have my husband do the killing and I will stay inside with the kids and doing the cleaning later. (we process only a few at a time, so I clean them inside over the kitchen sink.