Of Feathers And Flames- A Wings of Fire AU RP

[_-Captain BRM-_]

You guys are both awesome writers, and no one’s criticized my art before, so I don’t know if I write well, or bad, or mediocre.
%100 honesty, what do you guys think of the way I write? Any way I can improve?

What's funny is I haven't seen you're writing evolve much over the past half year or so, but I definitely see it in Taber. And that's not a bad thing, either, you just have a style you stick to and prefer, I just say it because it's something I've noticed in the past and I've just been, like, slightly jealous because my writing in previous RPs is cringe worthy, and yours is steadfast to your liddle style yuh got goin on there the whole way through.
GGGUUUUAAAHHHPPP GASP GASP GASPPPpPPpPPPp-
You already read my Profile style rant bit, and I would just suggest you read those good ol classics. I suggest it to all of us. That's how we ALL grow and get better at writing, and I certainly have seen it in myself.

Now. This is a constructive criticism bit, right, right?
So, I'd say you write well, but it is a shade 'immature' in a sense of grammar, maybe? Idk, I'm struggling to pinpoint what I'm seeing. It feels like you're writing for a younger audience, perhaps, but I think that's only due to wordage, and also because we all stepped up, like, five levels the moment Roe hit the floor, so there's that, too.
What your super good at is perspectives. Like, I see Queen Raptor, Cas. Then I see that WebWing Queen and this Raptor. And THEN I see Shrike and your CW mc character, whose name I fail to remember. Like, they all contrast SO. FRIGGIN. HARD. And that's just straight up talent, MJ, because all those characters are so intensely different from each other, and it obviously comes to you quite naturally.
You have SO much potential, pal.

 

[SarcasticDrag0n]

Cas had ended up next to Hibiscus again, though he was slightly more hesitant after her backstory.
“So where are you going now?” He asked. “I wanna find some food, but I don’t know where to go after this. I might just end up following a group.” The SkyWing shrugged.

"Me too, I'm starving," Hibiscus replied. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, um, I'll probably go wherever Sol goes. We've found each other after all this time and I don't want to lose him again."
They lapsed into silence as Hibiscus glanced around the room, looking for dragons with food.
She nudged Cas' wing with her own. "Hey, if you don't have anyone to travel with, you're welcome to come with me." She smiled beseechingly at the SkyWing.

 

[Blue Raptor]

"In the bunker, yes. Dragons need help, and so I'll help them where needed." Leuria flicked her hood back, pulling her hair into low bun behind her neck. "Although, I don't get as mentally fatigued as you. Go rest, sister. All you need is a few hours to lay low, so even if you're not sleeping, at the least stop orchestrating everything." She pulled the hood back up over her head. "Just go make yourself popcorn and relax, you exasperated extrovert." Leuria leaned against the SandWing's shoulder with a light laugh.

Raptor smiled and looked down at Leuria as she leaned against her, her eyes drooped. “Okay, I’ll head back home and try to get a few hours of sleep,” she relented, relieved, stepping back carefully from Leuria so she was forced to pull her weight away from Raptor. “I’ll try to be back at eight or nine. ‘Rrohably ine,” the SandWing hybrid said as she yawned.

"Me too, I'm starving," Hibiscus replied. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, um, I'll probably go wherever Sol goes. We've found each other after all this time and I don't want to lose him again."
They lapsed into silence as Hibiscus glanced around the room, looking for dragons with food.
She nudged Cas' wing with her own. "Hey, if you don't have anyone to travel with, you're welcome to come with me." She smiled beseechingly at the SkyWing.

“Ah ha haaa,” Cas teased, “are you sure you’re not falling for the guy?” He wiggled his eyebrows and clicked his tongue, but broke off with a laugh. They walked indoors and into the bunker, which was much colder than outdoors, being surrounded by cement. “Yeah, I’ll go with you guys,” he said, closing his eyes and placing a talon on his chest with an overly dramatic exasperated expression, “SOMEone’s got to be the adult out there.”

 

[_-Captain BRM-_]

Raptor smiled and looked down at Leuria as she leaned against her, her eyes drooped. “Okay, I’ll head back home and try to get a few hours of sleep,” she relented, relieved, stepping back carefully from Leuria so she was forced to pull her weight away from Raptor. “I’ll try to be back at eight or nine. ‘Rrohably ine,” the SandWing hybrid said as she yawned.

Leur pulled away with a content nod. "Alright, then. Ferrin says he's flying in tonight along with more supplements and medical supplies." She looked to Winter, then nodded toward the crowd. "Let's go help."

 

[Blue Raptor]

What's funny is I haven't seen you're writing evolve much over the past half year or so, but I definitely see it in Taber. And that's not a bad thing, either, you just have a style you stick to and prefer, I just say it because it's something I've noticed in the past and I've just been, like, slightly jealous because my writing in previous RPs is cringe worthy, and yours is steadfast to your liddle style yuh got goin on there the whole way through.
GGGUUUUAAAHHHPPP GASP GASP GASPPPpPPpPPPp-
You already read my Profile style rant bit, and I would just suggest you read those good ol classics. I suggest it to all of us. That's how we ALL grow and get better at writing, and I certainly have seen it in myself.

Now. This is a constructive criticism bit, right, right?
So, I'd say you write well, but it is a shade 'immature' in a sense of grammar, maybe? Idk, I'm struggling to pinpoint what I'm seeing. It feels like you're writing for a younger audience, perhaps, but I think that's only due to wordage, and also because we all stepped up, like, five levels the moment Roe hit the floor, so there's that, too.
What your super good at is perspectives. Like, I see Queen Raptor, Cas. Then I see that WebWing Queen and this Raptor. And THEN I see Shrike and your CW mc character, whose name I fail to remember. Like, they all contrast SO. FRIGGIN. HARD. And that's just straight up talent, MJ, because all those characters are so intensely different from each other, and it obviously comes to you quite naturally.
You have SO much potential, pal.

I feel like I’ve always been pretty persistent when it comes to a lot of things, I just didn’t know yet that writing was one of them.
Now, I’ve read a lot of books, but the writing never strikes me. When I go to read it, my mind’s always in it for the story—so if my writing’s influenced by what I read, it integrates really slowly I guess.
I don’t want to just pin the blame on my siblings for my immature wording, but I feel like growing up outside of public school and being around younger siblings 24/7 has an impact on my vocabulary. I’ll try to work on that.
However, since my brain focuses on the story and character more than the writing—when I go to make a character, I just write out a form for exactly how I want them to be, then just.. fall into their personality.

 

[SarcasticDrag0n]

Raptor smiled and looked down at Leuria as she leaned against her, her eyes drooped. “Okay, I’ll head back home and try to get a few hours of sleep,” she relented, relieved, stepping back carefully from Leuria so she was forced to pull her weight away from Raptor. “I’ll try to be back at eight or nine. ‘Rrohably ine,” the SandWing hybrid said as she yawned.

“Ah ha haaa,” Cas teased, “are you sure you’re not falling for the guy?” He wiggled his eyebrows and clicked his tongue, but broke off with a laugh. They walked indoors and into the bunker, which was much colder than outdoors, being surrounded by cement. “Yeah, I’ll go with you guys,” he said, closing his eyes and placing a talon on his chest with an overly dramatic exasperated expression, “SOMEone’s got to be the adult out there.”

Hibiscus gave Cas' shoulder a playful shove. "No, moonhead. He's my friend - I've already told you." She laughed, feeling the tension in her chest relax a little.

 

[Blue Raptor]

Leur pulled away with a content nod. "Alright, then. Ferrin says he's flying in tonight along with more supplements and medical supplies." She looked to Winter, then nodded toward the crowd. "Let's go help."

“M’kay. Bye,” Rapor said, and walked a few paces away from Leuria to lift her wings with a light sweep of wind and take off west.

“Don’t worry,” Winter said with what he imagined was a light chuckle that came out sounding inane, “I could stay awake for ages and ages more. But I can’t promise I’ll stay sane much longer!” He let out a dizzy-sounding laugh. He shook his head, attempting to clear his mind. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, “oof. Okay. What do we have to do now? We need more water. We’re almost out. Want me to run to the store? Oh wait, it’s probably closed right now..” Winter rambled.

 

[Blue Raptor]

Hibiscus gave Cas' shoulder a playful shove. "No, moonhead. He's my friend - I've already told you." She laughed, feeling the tension in her chest relax a little.

Cas snorted a laugh, “yeah, yeah..” he said with a smirk. “You do you want to follow him? Don’t you have family you want to see?” He cocked his head, taking a couple cold fish out of a cooler and sitting down to eat it.

 

[SarcasticDrag0n]

Cas snorted a laugh, “yeah, yeah..” he said with a smirk. “You do you want to follow him? Don’t you have family you want to see?” He cocked his head, taking a couple cold fish out of a cooler and sitting down to eat it.

Hibiscus followed suit, grabbing a cod and sitting beside Cas. "Uh, it's a long story, but my family and I aren't on speaking terms." She forced a wry smile. "They probably don't even know I'm alive. How about you? You have family to go home to?"

 

[Blue Raptor]

Hibiscus followed suit, grabbing a cod and sitting beside Cas. "Uh, it's a long story, but my family and I aren't on speaking terms." She forced a wry smile. "They probably don't even know I'm alive. How about you? You have family to go home to?"

Cas shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m kind of out-of-the-house now I guess. No point in going back other than visiting you know?” He shrugged again, casually. “What’s wrong with your family though? Are they evil?” He tried to hide a grin.