One less dog in my home

[Xtina]

Just wanted to come on tonight and seek some support after having put my dog to sleep this weekend. It happened Friday and I'm doing much better now, but I still feel sad this is always a good place for an outpouring of much-needed support.

Max was 11.5 years old and I had him since he was a puppy. He was a hooligan his whole life - I won't even try to disguise that. But he was off the charts when it comes to loyalty and devotion and for that I have to praise him. He was my first dog and I bonded with him so much more than I thought possible; he showed me what it would be like to be attached to a child when I finally had one 9 years later.

I couldn't begin to list all the things he destroyed, any more than I could list all the walks and hikes he inspired me to take and all the calories I burned trying to meet his need for exercise, or quantify how comforting it was to have him sleeping near me when my husband was in the Navy and out to sea.

Max began going crazy in the last 6-8 months, destroying the house far more than he ever had, with an intensity he never showed. He broke two dog crates and hurt himself in the process. I finally stopped being in denial about his quality of life this week and took him in to the vet who said his actions were a symptom of brain disease (possibly tumor) and said he would have agreed to euthanize him the second time he broke out of a crate and embarked on a path of destruction. He also was suffering from sciatica and incontinence.

I'm not totally at peace with the decision. For a dog, who is totally loyal and could probably live out another two years in the state he was in, I feel like it was a betrayal of his devotion to me to put him to sleep. But I know he wasn't happy and didn't have a good quality of life.

I have a lot of regrets about his life. I wish I could have been present for him a lot more - as he would have happily sat by my side every minute of his life if given the opportunity. But that just wasn't an option for me as I need to work and none of my jobs ever allowed it.

Here's to Max. He was a hooligan, a loving companion, and a devoted friend. I wish I could have done more for him, but I know he had a good life and a lot of love while he was here. I wish it didn't have to end the way it did, but I'm happy he's no longer in any physical or emotional pain.



I would welcome any advice about helping a two year old understand the permanence of a dog not coming home again (he seems to be starting to grasp it) or tips on how to help a second dog cope with the loss of her primary companion. I'm stepping up the exercise she gets and the mental stimulation as well, but would love more tips.

 

[RHRanch]

I am so sorry for your loss. I want you to know that it is very normal to feel guilt or remorse or second guess your decision to end your beloved pets suffering. But you know in your heart that you did what you thought best. It is a peaceful end, much better than it might have been for him to continue to degenerate into madness and fear caused by that tumor. He had no way to know he had a tumor, and was probably suffering and scared from the problems the tumor was causing him. It was a brave and loving decision. You will see your dog at the rainbow bridge.

 

[Xtina]

Thank you very much. Seeing you put it that way really does make me feel so much better.

 

[thaiturkey]

I'm sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, putting his welfare before your own feelings. I know how it hurts but I'm sure that you will handle the process of bereavement that you are going through. You, I am sure, gave him the best home and care that you could. As RHRanch wrote, you have nothing to reproach yourself for, although such feelings are natural at the moment.

We are going through similar feelings ourselves just now. My cat, 18 years old, died on Thursday last week. She had been with me for 14 years and was at the end of her natural life span, getting thin and weak. She had been a good friend and came here with me from England because I would not leave her behind. Vets here give very good care but are reluctant to put animals down. Em passed away before we came to the point where it seemed necessary to consider that option. My biggest regret is that neither of us were with her at the very end.

Em has a very special place in our hearts and the pain we are going through is probably similar to yours. You and we can believe that we were the best of carers and our efforts and love gave our pets the best lives they could have had.

 

[Frosty]

I am really sorry for your loss... it's one of the hardest things to do, but was the right decision. I agree with RHRanch, Max was probably afraid and didn't have quality of life. Quality always should come before quantity.

Your two year old is probably reacting more to your sadness and understands that you are sad because Max isn't there. They are really resilient at that age, and have a short attention span.

When at all possible I try to let pets see other pets that have passed, it helps them to understand that their friends aren't coming back so they can move on. It's probably too late for that, so give the second dog a bit of extra attention.

 

[speckledhen]

I'm so sorry for your loss and I understand your decision as well as you second guessing yourself. It's a jumble of emotions-am I doing the right thing for Max or for me? Is he in pain? Am I just tired of this? I am in your position right now with a pointer/lab cross girl who is going on 15 years old and very incontinent so I go through all these thoughts daily. I do feel with his brain tumor that you did exactly the right thing. My choice is not nearly so clear.

She must go out several times each night, but even that doesn't prevent accidents. And her muscle tone is so that she can't push out feces well, either, and my DH has to literally squeeze it out for her sometimes. It's a daily chore, all day and part of the night. She eats okay, but is skin and bones, though we don't see that she is in any actual pain. She does get joy out of roaming within the perimeter fence when we let her go. She can still trot down the driveway, but is almost deaf and doesn't come when called anymore-she has to see us waving our arms. Has mild cataracts, weak hips, etc. It's very hard and her time is near, we know, but hope against hope she will go in her sleep.

My condolences to you and again, I believe your choice was a good one for Max.

 

[1muttsfan]

So sorry about the loss of your old friend and companion.

No one who puts a beloved pet down EVER thinks they did the right thing - so you are not alone. We do it not to make ourselves feel better, but because we know it is the right thing to do. You would never have done it if you did not know in your heart that it was the best thing for Max.

 

[BusyBlonde]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog, Max. It is never easy to make the decision to have a cherished companion euthanized, I had to make that decision for my cat Elliott, who was 21 at the time I made the heart-wrenching decision. Her quality of life was gone, and I had to come to the realization that she no longer was enjoying her life and I was being selfish trying to keep her alive to spare my feelings. Max had lost his quality of life; you did all you could, and I believe you made the right decision.

 

[thaiturkey]

I'm so sorry for your loss and I understand your decision as well as you second guessing yourself. It's a jumble of emotions-am I doing the right thing for Max or for me? Is he in pain? Am I just tired of this? I am in your position right now with a pointer/lab cross girl who is going on 15 years old and very incontinent so I go through all these thoughts daily. I do feel with his brain tumor that you did exactly the right thing. My choice is not nearly so clear.

She must go out several times each night, but even that doesn't prevent accidents. And her muscle tone is so that she can't push out feces well, either, and my DH has to literally squeeze it out for her sometimes. It's a daily chore, all day and part of the night. She eats okay, but is skin and bones, though we don't see that she is in any actual pain. She does get joy out of roaming within the perimeter fence when we let her go. She can still trot down the driveway, but is almost deaf and doesn't come when called anymore-she has to see us waving our arms. Has mild cataracts, weak hips, etc. It's very hard and her time is near, we know, but hope against hope she will go in her sleep.

My condolences to you and again, I believe your choice was a good one for Max.

I feel for you too. I hope that the best solution comes to you at the right time.

We are left now to light candles and remember the joy that Em brought to us. It's a simple act but helps us through this time of grief. Above it all, I'm glad that we have the attachment to the creatures round us to value their company to the full extent that they deserve. If I didn't have that I would not have pets.

 

[AinaWGSD]

I am so sorry for your loss.

It is never an easy decision, no matter what the circumstances. But I feel like it is even harder when there isn't an imminently fatal physical condition that brings you to make that choice. Even I, who have had a hand in helping many pets cross through my work in a veterinary clinic, felt that twinge of guilt when I had to euthanize my beloved dog Aina this past winter. And in her case it was a much simpler decision, her spleen had ruptured and she was bleeding to death slowly. My vet offered us the option of giving her a sedative to make her more comfortable and help her sleep so that we could have more time to make the decision, but it would just be delaying the inevitable and prolonging her suffering. Even knowing that full well, I still felt as if I was somehow betraying her while I held her as the vet gave the injection. So your feelings of guilt are a normal part of the grieving process. Anyone who has ever had to make that painful decision has had those same feelings.

The loss of a pet is inevitably harder on the parents than on children as young as yours. My son was just barely two when Aina passed. He was asleep already when my vet came to my house for the euthanasia, so he did not experience that part at all. We opted to keep her body in the house overnight, both to help our other dog come to terms with her passing and so that our son could see her one more time. The next morning, we explained to him that Aina was broken (I still do not think he understands the concept of death, but he does understand when things are broken and for months would tell us things like the bug was "broke" when he squished a bug and it stopped moving) and that we could not fix her. I did not want to tell him that she had been sick or that she had a boo-boo, because I didn't want him to be scared the next time he was sick or hurt or if one of us got sick since he is so good at generalizing concepts (when his toys stop working, they are broken...so when a bug or other animal stops moving they must also be broken). When the man from the cremation service came by to pick up her body, we told him that Aina had to go away and that she wasn't coming back. He asked about her several times that day, and a time or two every day for about a week or so. Every time, we told him that she had to go away, and he would then tell us that it was because she was broken and we couldn't fix her. Then he sort of stopped asking about her for a while. We left her crate and food bowls in place for about a month after her passing, and even though he was no longer asking about her when we put them up he still got a little upset when we moved them. We explained that it was ok, she didn't need them anymore (to which he responded that it was because she was had to go away because she was broke and she wasn't coming back) and he quickly got over it. It was a long time before he talked about her again, but about 5 months later he started talking about her. This time it wasn't asking about where she had gone or the fact that she was "broke" (at least not most of the time), but it was more like she became his imaginary friend. In his mind, she is still very much his dog even though he knows that she isn't coming back.