parenting is impossible. Im at the end of a rapidly fraying rope.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by mrsruvi, May 31, 2011.

  1. mrsruvi

    mrsruvi Out Of The Brooder

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    So, i mentioned once before (in passing) that my husband and i work opposite shifts. I work in a management function for a huge insurance company, he works in a more entry level position in the same company. As such my job sort of dictates our scheduling. Right now i am working the ultra horrible schedule of 9-5:30 with Thursdays and Sundays off. My husband works (this is no joke, i know its horrible) 6am-8:45 am and then again 6pm-11pm with the same days off. So we get two days off together but every other day of the week we are like married single parents.

    There is a lot of inconsistency, even though we dont mean for their to be. Our kids are generally good, but there is a lot of back talk and flatly refusing to do what we say. Now, granted, they are 1 and nearly 3... However both children have a tendency to throw fits. and i dont know why because it is never effective (at least not with me, or when i am with their dad). My daughter yesterday (shes almost three) was in the bathtub and because she didnt want to lean her head back so i could wash her hair she screamed so loud and so hard that she nearly threw up. My mom was visiting and thought i had tried to give the kid an apendectomy with a spoon. I wasnt yelling, i washing pushing her under the water, nothing. she was just fighting and screaming. the boy does the same thing, but since he has fewer words i never know what he wants, he just arches his back until he falls on his head and then screams and pushes himself across the floor with his feet.

    So, getting back to our schedules: As you can see my hours with the kids are from wake up-8:20(when we leave for work) and 530-bedtime (which for DS is 7 an DD is 830). So naturually my role with the kids consists of wake up, breakfast, teeth brushed, clothes on get out the door (and chicken chores/garden watering/general house clean up) then dinner, bath, bed. Im stupidly stubborn about food so i demand that they eat "REAL" food. No hamburger helper in my house. but for some reason im ok with them eating beans and tortillas for dinner as long as i made them from scratch. So meals take up a good part of that time. I think its important for their development that they know what food is, where it comes from, that it doesnt magically come out of the microwave (enter the chickens and gardens).

    Ok thats a lot of back story to get to this point: I'm darn exhausted. I want to cry 100% of the time. My kids think of me as the mean lady who just makes them get dressed and brush teeth and eat vegetables while daddy gets to be the fun guy who takes them to the gym, to the play area at the mall, to the park, the zoo, the duck pond. the only bad thing he has is nap time. he gives Popsicles in the middle of the day that i cant give because either its 8 am or they didnt eat their dinners. every night its a battle with my kids. they throw fits rather than eat or take baths or whatever. Every night i put them down screaming and im so angry and frustrated that i dont even want to hug them and say "I love you good night" because i just want them to STOP SCREAMING. Oh and to top it all off every time my daughter doesnt want to do what ive told her (bath, eat, come inside, brush teeth whatever) she screams "i want my daddy!!"

    I live in town with only my in laws and they are always fawning over my husband, how hard it must be to have his schedule. how awful i am to do that to him, how great a daddy is to our kids all day, and all of that is true really. but it seems like no one appreciates how emotionally taxing it is to have your kids frequently tell you "i dont love you, i love daddy" when you try to put them to bed.

    and now, to add injury to insult I went to urgent care saturday cause i thought i had kidney stones, they put me on antibiotics and said "if its not better by monday call your doctor" but i couldnt afford to miss work today so i didnt go and now my back feels like im being stabbed by a dull knife! But its so inconvenient to be ill! and be crying all the time.

    this was a rant. if you made it through the whole thing you are to be commended.
     
  2. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Kentucky, Cecilia
    Sweetheart you need a break. Even if its inconvenient, take one anyway. Now I am going to tell you something that most other parents will not admit. Children are EVIL. No seriously they are. I love mine with all my heart and soul but there are times I just sit back and pray I will survive them becoming loving, caring human beings instead of devils spawn. Many times they are good as gold but they all have their moments of extreme mind number meanness.

    So on top of all children essentially being evil little things now and then you have a 3 year old. The terrible 2's might start at 2 but they end somewhere around 4 or so. I am on my 3rd round of the terrible 2's and it is just lovely. I am told that i am a monster that he does not love at least 4 times a day. I was told I am so mean that he is throwing my love in the toilet just because I made him try to poo in the toilet. Thats the terrible 2's for you. Hang in there. I do promise it gets better. Its a slow process but little by little they improve. I have a 10 year old who about made me lose my mind at 3, who now is so loving and helpful it overwhelming. Everyone comments on it and is amazed by it. I know all that will change at 13 but I figure my 18 or so he will return to normal again so I'll have hope.

    On the food thing maybe you guys could team up on one of your off days and make lots of meals on that one day. Fast food sorta that is handmade by you and frozen for later in the week. That gives you a bit more time when you are home. I know with my 3 year old sometimes just sitting with him and being able to hug him and read to him totally changes his attitude. Sometimes they feel a bit left behind with the busy schedule and honestly we all do it. Most the time its nothing you can even avoid but a bit of slow focused time with them does a world of good for both of you.

    As for in laws. Ignore them. They will always be like that and you cannot change them. You can ignore them. I told my husband I was divorcing his mother. He said that was fine as long as I didn't divorce him. Trust me it works. I still have to see her but she is just that horrible ex that I have to be polite around. Its all mental but it helped.
     
  3. welasharon

    welasharon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    North Florida
    A one year old and a three year old should not be controlling you. Look up John Rosemond. I will tell you he is all for good, common old fashioned sense in parenting. It is not okay for them to back-talk or to say no to the parent...especially at this age. You need to get them (and the two of you) under control and on the same page now or you will have a nightmare when these kids hit puberty. I got his book for my daughter as she would spend 20 minutes talking her son to death. I do not have a problem with him. I tell him one time. I don't tell twice. Don't lean your head back? Fine. I will pour water on your head. Soap in your eyes? Should have leaned back. Next time you will or you won't...doesn't matter to me I am going to wash your head. You pick how. Throwing a fit on the floor? Not much fun if no one notices. Having a fit...I don't care what you want and I am not going to beat my brains out trying to cater to a child having a fit. If you really pay attention I think you will find you could be either talking them to death or catering to them without noticing. This (as you are noticing) will break you quickly. Try to be an observer of what exactly is really going on. If they don't want to eat let them go once without. I guarantee you they will eat the next meal that is offered. They won't starve missing one meal I promise you! Hang in there.
    sharon
     
  4. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Western MA
    Oh man.. thats a tough one. [​IMG]
    Your kids are still very young..they DO love you... they are just very young. [​IMG]
    These years WILL pass by quickly...
    Then when they are grown you will say you miss when they were babies.. [​IMG] ...
    JUst hold on...
    And GET TO THE DOCTOR!! [​IMG]
     
  5. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    I will tell you something that saved my sanity. For every situation that comes up, ask yourself: Is this important in 5 years? Crying child who won't tilt their head back? Not so much - dump the water on their head. They will get it, move on, NEXT! Back talking? Absolutely important in 5 years. Take a deep breath and assess every situation. Half the time while you are sitting there trying to figure it out, the kid is going to stop and look at you like "Why aren't you paying attention?"
     
  6. welasharon

    welasharon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 28, 2010
    North Florida
    Quote:You sound like me! Only I use the two week test...If it won't matter in two weeks who cares now? You deserve not to be frazzled. Life is way too short.
     
  7. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:You sound like me! Only I use the two week test...If it won't matter in two weeks who cares now? You deserve not to be frazzled. Life is way too short.

    Two weeks works when they hit puberty - my temper had a much shorter leash from 13-17. Little kids are easy like that. Throwing a tantrum if you just sit there and stare at them eventually they wonder what's up.
     
  8. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    Wow. [​IMG] I think you needed that hug. It does get better. That 2 to 3 year old phase can be tough. It does get better and then they hit puberty. [​IMG] You need some time to yourself. Hire a sitter- go away for a day with just your husband. Right now you are on overload. DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR HEALTH. Somehow find a way, time, and place to put yourself first.
     
  9. welasharon

    welasharon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 28, 2010
    North Florida
    Quote:You sound like me! Only I use the two week test...If it won't matter in two weeks who cares now? You deserve not to be frazzled. Life is way too short.

    Two weeks works when they hit puberty - my temper had a much shorter leash from 13-17. Little kids are easy like that. Throwing a tantrum if you just sit there and stare at them eventually they wonder what's up.

    I think we are related.
     
  10. lockedhearts

    lockedhearts It's All About Chicken Math

    Apr 29, 2007
    Georgia
    Well, personally and I had 2 step kids that absolutely tried to make me have a nervous break down...... I would Duct Tape them to the wall and take a night off, unfortunately Child Services has made that impossible to do anymore .

    I was the Evil Mean Step Mom to my two boys, but now years later, they are grown, one with kids of his own and they have realized for years, I did what I did for them. Did they like me back then, no, did they respect me, yes. Do they still Love and Respect me now, absolutely.

    This to shall pass! [​IMG]
     

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