Physically sick because of my dream of a farm....

[RossAcres]

Good morning everyone...

I'm having a rough morning. I'm back at work and I'm physically sick from anxiety. My boss's boss is coming to the property tomorrow for 3 days. I'm literally holding back getting sick over it. I feel frozen in place from anxiety.

One of the things that is really bothering me is the fact that I can't afford to start on my dream of running a farm. I have a degree in Agriculture - Animal Science. I have worked on many farms, including my university's farm. I just bought 15 acres in TN, but it's raw land. No electric, no water, no structures, and never been touched. I want to start my farm and get out of this job I'm currently working. My current job has absolutely nothing to do with my degree. I know that's a common occurence, but I don't want to be a statistic. I only took this job because I needed the money. I don't necessarily hate my job, but it's causing me extreme anxiety and stress. I take medication for this, have been for years. That's neither here nor there.

I want to raise livestock and sell them to market. I want to grow crops like pumpkins for Halloween. I feel like I'm stuck in my current job because I have bills that need to be paid. I can't even save enough money to really try to get the farm going. I just make enough to pay for the land and my truck. The rest of my money goes to the animals I do have right now.

I reached out to the USDA mentor to try and get some information and guidane on how to make my dream come true. I am a hard worker, I just wasn't made for the job I have now. I am morally against what is being done at work. Specifically, I work for a developer. The land that is being developed (where I work) used to be a farm. Now it's turning into a HOA managed neighborhood and 55+ year old community. I don't agree with what they are doing, but I need the money.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want a simple life raising livestock and crops. I'm deeply sad. I feel like I'll never reach my dream.

 

[Poultry Showman]

I know you can do it! It takes lots of time and patience. I will be praying for you and your farm! I dreamed for many years of having a horse. Soon we moved to an acreage. After more years of saving we built a pasture. More saving. More drowning. Got to many chickens. Got more chickens. More saving. Eventually, finally we got our horse. And more chickens. Now I am an active 4H and FFA member. I know the struggles are real, but you can do it!

 

[TOMTE]

You're only in your 20s, so you have a ton of life ahead of you. Even if it takes 20 more years of work, or 30, you'll still be proud of yourself and happy to finally live your dream, right? Focus on that while you work toward what you want!

 

[RossAcres]

You're only in your 20s, so you have a ton of life ahead of you. Even if it takes 20 more years of work, or 30, you'll still be proud of yourself and happy to finally live your dream, right? Focus on that while you work toward what you want!

The stress and anxiety isn't worth it. This job goes against my morals. But the money is good. I shouldn't be stuck with this but I am. I should be able to start a farm operation like others I went to school with. People my age have farm operations around here. I don't know what to do.

 

[CoopBoots]

"I'm literally holding back getting sick over it. I feel frozen in place from anxiety."

"I don't necessarily hate my job, but it's causing me extreme anxiety and stress. I take medication for this, have been for years."

"I am morally against what is being done at work."

"I'm deeply sad."

Pardon the very specific quotations, but I wanted to distill your feelings a bit. You do indeed sound physically and emotionally in pain over your job and stuck with it because of your financial situation. I have had a job I hated and I feel for you...

First off, if you haven't got your health, that will be a bigger obstacle to your goals than either money or a job you hate. You need to be well cared for first. The anxiety and sadness will eventually take that if it isn't prioritized. We aren't unlike chickens in this way...

I'd suggest looking into what you can do for yourself, first off. Is your job excessively stressful for you in itself, or is it upsetting to do because of your moral objections to the specific project you are working on? Tbh, a project like this would certainly move forward with or without you, and you aren't harming anyone. Maybe as part of planning you can influence things for the better a bit and reduce some of its negative impact? Or, you can learn from this specific project and use that experience in the future to improve future outcomes in the planning space?

Aside from that, you can definitely work on your resume and look for ways to get a job that agrees with you more, or just to get that paycheck a bit bigger. It is far from hopeless that you can improve your income! Under stress, of course this doesn't sound easy or achievable, but I just want to encourage you. You got this job and your degree is in something totally different. You clearly have the ability to land another job at least this good, and probably less stressful. Don't feel trapped!!

If your personal obligations (land, truck, animals) are eating up all your extra income and you need extra money to pursue your plans, another option is to consider if/how those obligations can be reduced. A more affordable car perhaps, until a truck is needed for farm work in the future? Just something along those lines...

Sending you the biggest hugs. Sorry if this came across as a "fix it" post if you just needed to vent. This is just the type of thinking that helps me resolve my own anxiety and sadness when it gets really rough; please disregard if not helpful. I'm actually super impressed that you've already done so much to move towards your goal and based on that, I think you WILL succeed. Hang in there

 

[aart]

I should be able to start a farm operation like others I went to school with. People my age have farm operations around here.

How did they do it?
Reach out to them and get some ideas and support.

 

[TOMTE]

The stress and anxiety isn't worth it. This job goes against my morals. But the money is good. I shouldn't be stuck with this but I am. I should be able to start a farm operation like others I went to school with. People my age have farm operations around here. I don't know what to do.

Did these other people your age have help starting up ($$$)? Don't compare yourself to others, it will only beat you down in the long run. I'm turning 30 in a little over a month and I have no job and I don't go to school because of mental and physical disabilities. I live with my dad and grandma in my aunt and uncle's house. We live off the government, basically. A LOT of circumstances that make it hard for me to do what I want to do with my life. I'd love to go to school for natural sciences like ecology, ethology, and entomology, but that just isn't feasible... Yet! So for now I make it a hobby and do at-home research. Hopefully someday I'll be able to go to school. The last thing I'll ever do is look at others around my age who are doing what they want to do and say "why can't that be me?", because that doesn't help. Sure, sometimes I'm bitter about society and how poor people are meant to be kept poor. But I have ultimate control over my own life so I'm the one who decides if and when to give up on my dreams, and I don't plan on doing that!