Ready to leave :

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by dogo, May 31, 2010.

  1. dogo

    dogo In the Brooder

    Sep 9, 2009
    This is not a feel sorry for me story. Maybe a give as much as you recieve. Right now I just don't know what it could be. This is my second marriage for thirty years. The first was for twelve years 3 children and three houses and over 5 acres of ground. I will admit I was real young in mature as was my first wife. She decided she did'nt love me after twelve years when it seems my love for her was getting stronger hers was doing the opposite. Anyway the diviorce was ugly and after 2 or 3 years I won the two youngest a girl and boy. Duriing this time my dad was dying of lung cancer and most of my time was attending court or lawyers instead of enjoying what time my dad and I had left together. While at the hospital I met this girl who was a sister to my dads RN. Off an on dads stay at the hospital was a little over 2 years. So most of my time was either at work court lawyer's office or at the hospital. I suppose I fell in love with the RN's sister during this time . Dad died in September and we married in October. Up till now.I worked under civil service for 25 years. Have a nice brick 4 bed room house. Oh I had a house before we got married she was sharing an apprtment with her RN. sister. MY first wife didn't know I had bought another house during our divorce. Boy that was a good one I pulled on her and her lawyer's. LOL. I was staying with a friend of mine in the city I was working for. Her lawyer's asked me every question you could think of about wages and nothing about how many homes I had interest in. I was working three different jobs during my divorce just to keep my head above water and to accomplish my hunger and plan. I seen a nice small house in the city I was working for that was for sale while I was working part time delivering medicne for a drug store. I did'nt think I could get it but I thought what the heck . All they could say was yes or no. IT was an equity buy and take up payments. Well I put a second mortgage on it and assummed the payments. I was tough to start with. But I did it. It was easer to work those 3 jobs knowing I had something to work for. A home in a city with one of the best school systems in the state. Boy would her lawyer's only knew. I had it hid in away they could'nt touch it. They had all my income figured out even the little part time I was making. I was paying all the bills plus child support. She had a new car the payments was 272.69 and child support was over a 150 @month my attorny tried to tell her to let the car go and I could pay more child support. She wanted me to pay for the car. She said she needed the car to go to work . After all said and done I had 50 dollars left out of my pay check at the end of the month. Needless to say I had to bank rubted. Against her lawyers and car . So she was greeded and lost it all . The following year I won my two youngest in court prving she was an unfit mother.. Brings me to this point in my life. My second wife I gave her a home. I retired in 25 years she was still working . We have a younger child . He is now 25 and its her baby. I bought an ole farm house and 40 acres of ground in south Alabama. we liked 8 years of paying the house off in town. She got hers elf in trouble with the charge cards. She promised if I would refinace the house and pay the cards off she would'nt do it again. Wrong. The house has been refinaced4 times now owing 30 years. The 40 acres I bought is paid for. I paid it off right after I retired. I bought an extra lot next to the one in town its paid for also. I need to sell it and pay the charge cards off that my wife owes now. That right charge cards. My wife had limited her cards out. So she went and got a card in my name had it sent to her. She has spent right at 10.000.00 in my name. I got a call fromm wells fargo and they ask me when was I going to catch up on my account ? I said I did'nt know what you are talking about that I did'nt owe you a darn thing . He was making me mad by accussing me of this debt. Me know I had only One Visa card and that was my debit card. Until he mention my wifes name. Well the light bulb came on. I ask that I would get back to him. I never would have thought my wife of thirty years would have done this to me. Boy that hurts. I would never do her that way. Get a card in her name and use it without her knowing it. She said she did. She did'nt know what else to do ? I was wondering how and where she was getting the money to buy our sone eletronic weather station. electric heater and I don't know what all else. And then to top it off she don't even have enough money to buy gas for her to go to work. I'm buying now . Have been over a year. I should'nt I told her if it had been someone else you would be in prison. Theres where I am now. I have decided to let her have the house in town . When she retires sell it or what ever. I'm thinking about getting me a U-hall put my tools guns and gun safe in it and just leave. I have a good retirement that will go where ever I go. I want ever get over what she did to me . You have got to trust a person to have a good relation and I cannot ever find my self to ever trust her again. I want to go to Idaho If I can find a good woman who wants a good man that don't smoke . Don't drink that can cook and wash his on clothes just maybe we could be friends. I'm just so tired of being used it seems that way. Excuse my spelling I was'nt the top of the list in english matter of fact I hated it. Maybe I can find a place that want ask to much of a person ?
  2. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    OOh wow.. poor guy.. [​IMG]
    I dont know what to tell you.. you've been raked through the coals... [​IMG]
  3. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    Yep, exactly raked in the coals.

    Sometimes you can have a protection against your wife's debts because you didn't know she charged up that much. You might need to contact a lawyer to see where you stand if and when you want to divorce your wife, her debts and her belongings and you would not be held responsible for her debts. I do not like the idea of credit card companies going after spouses when their SO racked up the bills without the other spouse knowing it. There HAS to be some protection there.

    So where do you stand with her? Do you want to work with her? Get yourselves some credit counseling and marriage counseling as well. If she fell out of love with you, and has NO desire to continue her marriage with you, then you would have to move on, pack up your stuff and get a lawyer regarding to her debts and property. If you like the house very much, have her move out once she finds a home that she likes and get ownership names changed to your own name instead of joint property.

    I honestly do not know what best advise for you but I am sure others will chime in.
  4. Ms.FuzzyButts

    Ms.FuzzyButts Songster

    Sep 5, 2009
    North Alabama
    [​IMG] I have no advice to give you. I just wanted to give you a [​IMG] and I pray that this will all work out to your advantage!!
  5. Dar

    Dar Crowing

    Jul 31, 2008
    The laws may be different in your state then what they are here in Ontario.... BUT

    when fargo issued HER a C/C in your NAME.... you are not liable if you did not sign the application and card holders agreement ...

    and yes... I am a bit of a hard a$$ i would have her charged with ID theft ... thats only if you are 100% done with the relationship)

    Call fargo and ask for a copy of the signed application and the card holders agreement. You should not be responsible for the debt she racked up in your name... and as for giving her the city house.... you have a bigger heart then I would... [​IMG]
  6. Dogo,
    I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time! Maybe making a clean break and a fresh start is the right answer.
    I know you love Alabama but would you consider Texas? I moved to Texas from Southern California and I
    think Texans are the most accepting, warm and welcoming folks on the planet! I've never in my life had such
    good neighbors and friends as I do here in Texas!
    Whatever is the right answer for you I hope that you can find some kindness, some compassion and some
    good people to have in your life because you sure deserve them! [​IMG] I'll be keeping you in my thoughts
    and prayers! [​IMG] Please keep us posted and let us know if there's anything we can do, ok?

    Oh, and by the way- just for the record- I think you've given way more than you received! You deserve much better!
    Last edited: May 31, 2010
  7. featherbaby

    featherbaby Songster

    Jun 18, 2009
    Jacksonville, FL 32210
    I'm sorry you've had such a hard time with your relationships. They can hurt you like nothing else in the world. I have experienced some similar things.

    It may be too soon for you to be able to see what I am about to tell you, but I have lived this out and found it to be very true.

    Be angry, do what you have to do, and then move on.....without bitterness.

    Bitterness is like drinking the poison and hoping the other person dies. It doesn't hurt them one little bit but it kills you.

    A fresh start, maybe in a new town can be very healing and helpful to a wounded heart. Try to leave the old baggage in the old town and don't drag it with you. If you can do this, you'll feel better and heal quicker.....and have a shot at building another relationship someday. I know letting go of the pain, injustice and anger is VERY HARD. I can guarantee one thing: that you will continue to suffer as long as you refuse to let go of them. No one can do it overnight, but I did it one hour at a time, then later on I did it one day at a time. Pretty soon, I woke up and realized it was gone. I didn't feel it any more, and I haven't looked back. I feel younger, lighter, brighter and healthier. The rewards are GOOD, so I encourage you to set your sights on being a whole, independent, valuable person once again.

    Be blessed.
  8. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    I will ask WHY she felt she needed the credit card? Did y'all work on family finances together so that each of you understood what was available and agreed on how to spend your money? Before walking out on a 30 year marriage, you need to understand each other's point of view.
  9. darn you've had some horrible luck. Where you've had crappy luck with women, Ive had crappy luck with men. Between getting cheated on, abused, and used.. I'm to the point where I wouldn't pee on one of my ex's if they where on fire.
  10. dogo

    dogo In the Brooder

    Sep 9, 2009
    Gosh you guys seem to have a heart of gold and it seems my life is worst than a soap opera. such as to tell it all or most you would think I'm making it up. I'm no saint believe me not by a long shot. This second wife I have is a really good person she has a heart of gold is proabley why she got us in such a fix. Its not that she is'nt making good wages . It's because she did'nt know how to manage her bills's. After I retired believe it or not I was 46 years old with a 9 year old son. My father in-law said I was to young to retire. I asked him how old did you have to be. To that he had no answer and I had thought awful long and hard about it. I had everything worked out. I had the old farm and 40 acres plus we had the 4 bd. room brick home with just 8 years left on the morgage. My wife was still working and my youngest son would be out of high school in 12 years close to her retirement, that is if she wanted to ? Which I don't believe she would ever retire. She loved her work and I could never get her interested in anything except traveling. That was for sure not my cup of tea. I was a home body traveling to me is a waste of time and money. I guess some would consider me boring My baby boy is just like me about traveling and my wife told me I had stolen her son from her. Another story to that.. I said she was really a good person she is very much so. But I was so blind to see what was going on financialy. I had all figured out except her part handling the bills. I had a good retirement not the best in the world but good enough if you watched your p's and q's so speak. If I had stayed in town most of the time and handled most of the bills everything would have been ok. We have always had seperate checking and savings account she had certain bills to pay I had certain bills to pay. When I retired I paid the old place off even if I had'n't the mortgage was right at 15,000 and less than 250. a month . I ran into a deal on that one for once in my life lol. Like I said my second wife was good. She did'nt have a hate or selfish bone in her body. She was 25 years old and she helped me raise my two youngest children. I don't know what I would have done with out her ? She stood behind me not in front when it came to my children by my first marraige. My first only wanted money for her nite life week ends she tried to catch up on by marrying so young. I knew or felt we shouldn't have anymore children lets just say J my second wife wanted children of her on and she would ask me how could she act like a mother if she never had any of her on ? She had me there and I'll have to admit my children loved her as much if not more than they did me. She would do for them when I would'nt . Anyway I did'nt want to be selfish. J had a point so we agreed one child and that would be it. Well people let say you should never make plans because more than likely it will come back to haunt you. J got pregnant she was thrilled to death. we had just moved from our little 3 bd rm house to the 4bd rm.. The main reason we had gotten the 4 bd rm was because we had agreeded to put one of my sister twins through high school. She would be starting in the 10th grade so we agreed if she would promise to stay and graduate she did graduate"another story" Anyway J started spotting no big deal I thought because the doctor was one of the best In town and he said not to worry da de da da. . Before tolong she started having cramps and of course its always late and on the week ends. Then it got worse she woke me and she was really in pain and the spotting had gotten worse . I got her ready and took her to the EMR Make the story short this suppose to be best doctor in town had never given her a solnor. Her cervex was'n't strong enough to support TWINS thats right TWINS they were identical girls with one heart beat. Thats the reason we did'nt know she was carrying twins. They were completely developed. I said completely developed EXCEPTED for they're lungs. Just unbelieveable watching them die as I held them in my hands taking or gasping for air. They were the softest of anything I had ever felt before in my life. One was a little bigger but you could'nt tell them apart. The nurses kelpt asking what did you name them? You need to name them as soon as you can. It happen so fast we had not thought of a name or names. They just kelpt on and on about the names. Suddenly it came to me without thinking about it all. I said they're names are Alfa and Amega. The first and the last the beginning and the end. After J had lost the twins for a solid year if you looked at her she would just burst into tears . For a year she continue to cry. I told her It was meant to be and we would try again. Well in 84 she gave birth to a7. 11oz baby boy. Which by now you know it was her pride and joy. Named him after my dad It could'nt be no other way. Things happen for a reason. I just wish we had not decided to not have anymore children after she gave birth to a child. I often wondered if we had not of said that would the twins have lived ?. Just about the time I retired I came down with what they call a degenrate bone disease . If I could have seen that coming I could have waited a year and retired with 75 % disability . Not me I did'nt want anyone to say I was milking the system. So I got 50% which I can live off of it. Me spending more time at the farm raising chickens as hobby and building green fields . I hated the city's way of life and I was trying to get this place fixed up. I was a traffic technician you know repairing replacing traffic lights etc. You know they have all kind of surveys this day and time and I was sent a survey about stop signs and traffic lights. It made a statement saying if yo lived in the city or worked in the city and lived to be seventy-five years old. You would spend on average of five years at a stop sign or traffic light. When I retired I told my co worker's I'm going where there is no traffic lights and very few stop signs. LOLMy wife I found out later she never showed our son any discipline while in grammer school. He never knew the word NO. Or ever felt the rod on his behind. I had him mostly on the week ends. Thats the agreement we had made and she was trying to buy his love mostly with charge cards. She never made him do his home work and that part I'll take some of the blame. Knowing what I do now. I would have taken him and would have sent him to school from the farm. I did Take him when he was in the 9th grade and boy did I ever have a problem. The only reason I got him then She had to tell me about him cutting class and leaving school. Him and his buddy. I had lets call him My son T. I had T operating a farm tractor by the age of 10 running a backhoe at 12 and actually driving a vehickle as good as a grown up at 14. And thats where he got into trouble. He thought he was grown and had no respect for athority. This came from not getting a butt whipping during his grammer days. He was the only 9th grader to have a car and driving to high school without drivers education been taught to him. Which was fine because he was a good driver. But the teachers thought it was unfair to some of the Jr.'s and seniors and had rule changes after T.'s 9th grade. I brought him to the farm and put him in a private school and stayed on top of him. Paid a private tutor to help him because he had ADD and I could not get him to take his MED to save my life. He said it was a controling drug. We had around or two thanks to mom and those early years she had with him. She blamed me. Maybe it was my fault I thought everything was a ok . She said I would'nt give her any help. She never ask and besides I know women right now who have raised children by them selfs and never had a man around. So what gives here ? In the mean time this orthpedic dr told me I had to this type surgery and if I had it he would guarantee 10 to 15 years with out a knee replacement. I would be over it with in 3 months . I had the surgery first of Sept. next morning the doctor awaken me cutting the cast off my left leg. I ask what was wrong ? He said nothing and finish cutting the cast. Then he put right knee on the outside of my left and with his left hand holding the bottom of my left foot began pulling it towards him. Not to say I was in pain would be an understatement . I ask and then screamed what the hell are you doing to me ? He said I was bole legged and rewrapped my leg while holding it at a 20 % angle. This was a little after the first of September.. I was trying to walk on the inside of my foot and then he later tried to put a brace on it. A straight brace on a crooked leg just will not work. Then he sent me to therapy. This was ajoke. Me trying to rasie weights with a crooked leg.. After all this sometime in Dec he told me that beings I'm having so much trouble with this knee to see his secertery and schule a knee replacement after the first of the year. Bingo My light bulb went on. Which I should have thought of when he rewrrapped my knee.. I called my family doctor and asked him for someone I could trust. Told him why. That this Scotty Appell was going to remove and replace my knee after the first of the year. He sent me to Sportmedicine south A Doctor Bramlett Bramlett took exrays and said I needed surgery right away. If I had crutches to get on them that my knee was completely undone. It was 20 % out of center. He wanted to do a bone graft right then. I said it would have to be the following week. I had arrangements to make. . Well After 18 months of me wearing what they call a fixation, thats 4 titatium pins holding the bones together and over two years the bone graft did'nt work. They replaced the knee and as of now it bothers me tremendiously waking me up just about every morning pressing against the nurve that runs all up into my left hip.He said he would repair my knee if I would'nt try to sue the doctor. I did'nt say I would or would'nt. But I did try to sue the doctor Scotty Appell for butchering me He does'nt need to be practicing medicine. If he had came to me and it explained what had happened I might have forgiven him'I said might. But I know now doctor Bramlett covered Scotty Appell's Mal pratice. He took one of my ex-rays out of my reccords. I wonder can I sue him for that ?. This was the ex-ray that showed me being 20% out of center. Anyway it seems I'm going to be a bio-tic man if I live long enough. I had another knee re-placed which I did'nt want to my right oneduring all my surgery I got a friend of mind to help me get T through high school . My friend had 3 boys so he knew how to handle T . T tried cutting class on him . I had sighned him over as his legal garding had to so he could attend this school. His wife and sistering law worked ther and kept an eye on him. He told T that he tried to pull that on him one more time he was going to take him out back and kick his you know what. It did some good . He graduated. I never had this kind of problem with my oldest son. Now my youngest T he is well manner He will say yes sir and no sir to any man or woman right now. He just does'nt like school he would do his home work but never turn it in. It would be found in his locker. Like I said he has ADD he is very forgetful. And sometime he does thing without thinking about the consequecies. He has no responcibilty he doe'snt take care of a thing. I have always said anything he touches turns to poop. I was borned and rasied in a mining camp I have eaten camodities those have know what I'm talking about. I have worn shoes with card board in them. If you got shoes in the summer they would more than not be tennis shoes in winter they would be leather no matter they had to last the whole year.
    Back to my second wife She has always went over board with x-mas and she always promise she want do it again. But what she did to me this time is un forgiveable. I heard her often tell that they would slip around and do things behind her dad so he would know and fuss about it. She said her mother had to do that. He was mean to her mother and would beat he until the children got big enough to step in - between them. Well I have never beaten my wife matter fact I've only slapped her one time in thirty years and that was for calling me sob . But that happened so fast I was driving and just backed hand her. I even regretted that. I have found out later that she slipped behind my back and paid speeding ticket for her son. And I felt like an idiot when the insurance agent informed me t had a speeding ticket . This going behind your spouce's back is wrong . There so much I really am ashame to mention everything. I don't know what she would do about gas to go to work. If I was to stop paying for it. She has turned all her cards over to a negotiator. They cut her pay check so much a month and then negotiate with who ever she owes. I told her a long time ago to not wait till she got into trouble before asking for help. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have always wanted to go to Idaho. The south Alabama is beautiful in May there are places that has mountain laurel blooming and the whipper will is heard most ever night. You can see the fire flies searching for they're mates and you lookup into the heavens and you would think someone has shot the night sky with millions of diamonds. I want to thank all of you for your kind responce. I will read them over I promise you some more than twice and somewhere I hope to find the right answer that I'm seeking. Again thanking all of you.

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