Real Life Dementor

[quesodano]

Ya can pick yer nose... Ya can pick yer friends... To bad ya can't pick yer family!

 

[Mattemma]

Hoping you get your happy vibes back soon! I agree people can really affect you with their own mood,behavior,vibes hence the saying....surround yourself with postive people.

Funny about the cat.You are so right that a truly allergic person could not be in the home without meds unless you were a super cleaner or had a hepa air machine next to her.

Waste of energy to try and change her.Lessen the contact somehow.

 

[sourland]

Grandma.

It's a new day.

My grandfather was very much the same plus just plain old mean. Very sadly, there is nothing about him that I miss.

 

[Stacykins]

Definitely know she won't change, I've accepted that fact. And I wish I could minimize contact. I will likely become her main caretaker in the next year or two, though. She is getting more and more frail, but doesn't have the funds for an assisted living facility. She had two falls recently because she rarely uses her walker in her apartment, so she lost her balance and went down. Dunno how I will keep my sanity, but I'll figure it out when it happens! I guess if I think of it as more of a professional relationship rather than a personal one, it may work out.

Thanks for all the support, everyone! She went home today (yea, later than initially anticipated, oye!). Took a 'brain break' day and just enjoyed the simple things.

 

[redhen]

Stacykins, if you are to become her main care taker in the next years..i would REALLY try to fix your relationship with her.. or NOT do it.
Its not an easy job(been there, done it..)and its really not fair to her OR you...if you feel that way about her.
Caretaking is a job that requires a LOT of compassion and patience....

I would suggest that you find someone else to take on that caretaker burden if you cant stand to be around her now...

 

[welasharon]

I feel your pain. My grandmother was the same way. She lived to be 92. I have yet to this day (30 something years later) hear anyone in the family say they miss her. That is so sad to me but she ran everyone off. I think my grandpa died to get away from her constant crabbing. I watch myself constantly to make sure I don't become her. If someone in the family is you-know-whating....we call them Lena. Shuts them up fast. We tried but nothing would stop her from griping. I think she enjoyed it.

 

[chickmashnoon]

My father's mother was the same way. No one could stand her. She had cheated on my grandfather and married 4 times since. She was manipulative, nothing was good enough, she would start fights between her children and say inappropriate things to people. She didn't want us to call her grandma because she didn't want people to know how old she was. After many years of this, she ostracised herself. After I took a rape crisis counseling class a lot of the stories she told and past behaviors of hers seemed like red flags that she had been molested as a child. Looking back on it, now I can't unsee the connection and it takes a lot of the sting out of her comments and nastyness. It makes me realize her behavior has little to do with me and more to do with her stunted emotional growth and shattered childhood. I still don't put myself in the position to be around her negativity often, but it does soften the blows.

Most people God didn't make as nasty people. Other people around them made them that way, and usually it started long before the person was concsious of the choice of their path. Sometimes if you see the pain someone is in, it's easier to take. But, don't let me deter you from avoiding it altogether! Just cause you feel empathy for a rabid dog doesn't mean you have to stick around for it to bite you

If it makes you feel any better, I think everyone has a crazy relative like that somwhere in the family tree. Hang in there!

 

[SillyChicken]

We just don't manage our thought process, handle changes or our emotions etc very well at that age. She probably isn't even aware of how she's acting. She's also probably feeling alone and very mortal.

something else I've noticed (even in myself) that I think as we get older, some people get less tollerant of the BS... you get tired of it, so griping increases and not tollerating crap diminishes as we get older.

Because people don't stick around, she over does it when someone is there to give her attention.

Good luck with that... I'm seeing alot of this kind of changes in my dad, it's tough to watch!