seeing blood

[mourninglory]

I wasn't sure where to post this, but predators seemed appropriate! My husband is bringing my daughter home from what was supposed to be her new place with her boyfriend (she is just a few weeks away from age 21). He convinced her to quit her job, which I cautioned against -but I'm just mom and have no life experience right! That jerk put his his hands on her tonight! She is moving back in with us! They insisted I stay here -excuse was that the baby was already in bed (my daughters half-brother). I know the real reason is because I would have insisted on kicking his ass myself! This bum stayed with us for months, always saying I really want to work... can't find a job... sleeping until 2p.m... I love your daughter and want to take care of her BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! Well he finally got a job, which like all the others won't last for more than a couple of weeks/months. She is worried about the few things she has already brought there, including the things my husband (her step-dad) and I delivered yesterday. Well "Stuff is Stuff", and can always be replaced -but my daughter cannot be replaced!!!! I am so angry. Thank you for letting me vent.

 

[dumblond]

I, myself have been there done that. I left everything, except one bag and one suitcase. Unfortunately it was the SECOND time that did it for me. She is young, as I was, and may go back (I did once). But do not alienate her for it. Be there as you were tonight, and she will learn. She is in my prayers. If she needs someone to talk to with the same expeience to talk to, don't hesitate to email me.............PLEASE. One life is not worth one couch (or whatever else the "stuff" is)!!!!!

 

[mourninglory]

Thank you so much. When my daughter finally got here her EX called repeatedly. I was so proud of her. (She grew up seeing abuse. No matter how you try to hide it, kids know at least a little of what is going on. Not all bruises cover up with make-up, and trips to the ER for stitches or broken bones are even harder to disguise and explain away.) Her EX said he was going to throw her furniture and clothes in the yard and destroy them. (During her escape he damaged her car door, trying to rip if off when she was leaving, and it barely shuts.) She told him she has seen all this before happen to her mom (me) and heard all the excuses and knows it will only escalate. Now the punk is whining because he claims to have broken his hand when he punched the driver side window, and blaims my daughter for it because she was leaving him! My husband is picking up whatever is salvagable tomorrow. He is trying to act as a neutral party. I am not allowed to go (banned by my husband). My daughter thinks she is going, but her step-dad/my husband is not going to let her go either. I know it's the smart thing to do...but I want a shot at that jerk. I've seen the marks he left on my child!

 

[sgtmom52]

I recommend taking pictures of your daughter's injures both today and again in a couple of days (bruises darken with age). You should then call the police or district attorney and file for "protection from abuse" order. This may be called something different in your state. In PA it prohibits the abuser from having any contact with the victim including phone calls, letter and emails. You may also be about to contact your local police or sheriff to go with you to pick up her remaining items.

Your daughter should consider filing criminal charges against her abuser. If he gets away with it he will just move on to the next victim. In PA if there are any visible injuries seen by the police, charges are filed even if the victim is reluctant to do it themself. This reduces the pressures put on the victim to make the choice.

I'm very happy that your daughter left this jerk when she did. Some women never get that chance. Unfortunately I have seen many cases like your daughters, as I have been a police officer for over 27 years. If there is anything I can help with please let me know.

SgtMom52 (Julie)

 

[mourninglory]

Thanks SGTMom52,

I took pictures of her injuries and advised her not delete any messages he left on her cell phone. She isn't ready to file any charges, but she was all for recording what he did. At least that's something. We stayed up for a little while and when she was sleepy, I already had her bed made with fresh linens.

Whatever she chooses to do, I will make sure to take more pictures. I don't want to pressure her too much or she may shut me out and she certainly needs support right now. (Though, I did say my piece!)

 

[aran]

SON OF A b****!! I have a teenage daughter myself. You are showing remarkable self restraint...i would want to kick the S*** outa that worthless deadbeat! I hope your daughter has the cops throw him in jail where somone bigger can "put their hands on him"!

 

[nccountrygirl]

Mourninglory, she is so very blessed to have you and your husband. I married a man at the tender age of 18, fresh out of high school. For 9 yrs. I took
his verbal and physical abuse because I thought It was better to stay for the sake of my kids than to leave him, boy was I dumb. I finally left him and my kids and I fled to Florida where I got a divorce. I am now married to a wonderful man, we celebrated our 21st anniversary in May. I had no one to help me so I felt trapped. She is blessed to have loving parents who will help her and a home to come back to.

 

[CoyoteMagic]

SSS

Shoot Shovel Shut up.

Works in this case as well!

Told my hubby from the start (when we started getting serious 15 years ago) " You ever put your hands on me, you better not go to sleep"

I think there is a special place in hell for these folks

 

[mom'sfolly]

Firing bombing his house is probably right out too.

Thank God your daughter was smart enough to get out. Maybe later she can take him to small claims court for any damages to her property.

 

[GoodEgg]

I talked to the sheriff's office here for a problem I had last year. I was told that I could file a report through them, but no formal charges were filed, and the person I filed the report on was never notified about it. I just have a file number in case it is ever needed in the future.

If your daughter is hesitant to actually file charges, maybe she would be willing to do something like this, if it's available there? And maybe ... if you get her to take this step, she will be more willing to take ANOTHER step and actually file charges.

It's true, if you put up with it, it just gets worse. If not for her, then for someone else. These kinds of people need to be stopped immediately when they do something like that, and to know that you will not put up with it.

I agree that you are showing remarkable restraint. My daughter is still a child, but I can just imagine I'd want to kill someone if anything happened to her. (And I'm really NOT a violent person at all ... just a MOM!)

I also agree that you should ask the help of the authorities in retrieving anything she needs to get. That will protect her (or your husband as the case may be).

I'm so sorry this happened ... my thoughts and prayers are with you.

trish