How do you live like that!?!
Its just 3 chickens! OMG, invite them to mine, seriously!
Your #1 problem here is your husband. His feelings will be fueling your MIL's & mothers feelings & vice versa.
Also your MIL sounds like a complete witch who probably, I'm guessing, doesn't just complain about the birds (although they may be a favorite topic).
Have you asked your husband what is wrong with the birds freeranging in his opinion?
Besides the poop.... Its just 3 chickens. If he knows how important those 3 birds are to you, why is he trying to force you to make a decision you are clearly unhappy with?
You only have 1 life, if you want freerange chickens, then go for it!
If he loves you enough, he'll let sleeping dogs lie.
And he will back you 100% of the way if he values your respect & love.
Now I know my DH (Yes, here we go, MY DH
) isn't terribly keen on all our animals we have. 2 dogs, 1 cat, 6 chickens, 4 rabbits & 28 quail at the last count in a small grassy backyard in a town all freeranging (except the quail, DH built them a big run
) all the day, every day, running in the house, being chased back out by him
....but he knows I love them so he doesn't complain about them. Not ever. He jokes about them & me being a crazy lady, but he doesn't complain.
And I don't complain when he blasts music in his study (he's a pro DJ
) or irritates me in other ways.
We both enjoy completely different things at times, but we don't complain about each others favorite things & we listen to each others opinions on their favorite subject (Yes, even after 5 years).
It destroys a persons spirit having to put up with somebody who doesn't tolerate the things they enjoy.
And no, this didn't happen naturally. We had to agree on it 2 years ago after a year of severe fights, destroying personal property, arguments, slamming doors & bristling silences.
This was before we got the animals I always wanted.
Here's my story for you to read:
It all started with feelings of mild resentment over small things... which developed into full blown hate!
I couldn't stand my DH doing the things he enjoys because it was very loud. So I complained & huffed a little, whenever he showed signs of starting to DJ. It gave me bad headaches.
He would ignore my texts & calls when I asked him to come home. He got angry over stupid little things. He became violent towards me eventually & I would not stand for that, so I returned violence with violence ( I might add, neither of us condone any sort of violence normally, but this was when things got really, really bad & we were stuck living together in a tiny flat). It got to the point were we couldn't even have a civil conversation. We were both very angry & on edge with each other.
DH stayed out all night drinking & would appear at 8am still drunk. I, of course, would go off the handle at him for staying out all night. Our sex life became completely non-existent for 2 years & another cause for arguments. I suspected he was being unfaithful when really he was just hiding away from me.
I would shout & storm off to bed. Sometimes I heard him sniffling on the sofa in the living room, but I was past caring by that point. He spent many more nights on the sofa until he finally demanded the bed back.
Then I would storm off to the sofa instead, just wanting to put as much distance between me & him as possible. He was my worst enemy & I couldn't trust him at all by that point.
I told him that to. He felt the same way. He'd still drag me back to bed though by force (didn't hurt though) because he was so angry because I was angry.
I smashed up his PS2 with a sledgehammer.
He broke my favourite coffee table.
I threw his favourite plant out of a top floor window.
He kicked down our new front door that I chose.
I slashed his tires.
He cut up my favourite top.
I cut up all his clothes.
And on... and on.... I'd like to point out that we spent around £600 replacing household items in a year!
So I don't reccomend anybody gets in the habit of throwing or smashing things when they lose their temper, its really not worth it.
Things were terrible between us because of the lack of respect, lack of positive attention & the emotional pressures we were unintentionally piling on each other throughout the first 3 years of our relationship. We never saw a Councillor, we just figured it out for ourselves in the end after many sore & exhausting fights. We were worst enemies, forced to live under the same roof. No children.We both started informing family & friends that we hated each other & a split up was due.Both of us were as stubborn as mules, hostile & strong willed as could be, but something had to give eventually. This was past the point of us dreaming of ways to kill each other, we both actually had it all planned, believe it or not!
Yes, we are both phsycopaths. This was a 2 year long fued of hate & basically abuse though & we had both reached the limit.
And something did give finally. Basically we both had nervous breakdowns & ended up talking to each other & entered a new agreement.
Now you'd think we were a completely different couple & its far, far better. The household is calm & happy. Now when my DH rarely goes out, I am invited to join him.We ended up pretty much carrying each other home at new year, which was a laugh. For the first time I met most of his friends. After 3 years! Before I was left at home to silently stew in anger & self pity. Needless to say he was drinking in the same emotions at the local boozer.
I was lucky because he was always faithful.
I never realized at the time that my DH saw me expressing certain emotions as pressuring in the early stages of our relationship. He also felt he wasn't doing a lot things right & sensed I was angry & upset most of the time, even when I hid it. I also found out he felt belittled & childlike by certain simple questions, such as "what time are you coming home?" or "How did you pay for this?"
He also believed I was trying to control him. Not my intention.
After a year or two of nothing changing, both of us just began to resent each other & to wonder if we were with the right person.
Now I can freely ask all these questions & more without the tension before & get a polite & kind answer before he sticks the kettle on. The mood is much lighter, we are both much more tolerant, the affection is much greater & we both take more time to please each other in small ways.
So please listen to someone who's been through the worst & had their relationship survive: It all started with just a little resentment. Just a little.
Above is right, your DH should be respecting your feelings on this. From what you've told us, to him it just seems to be an argument & you must lose or never be forgiven.
Personally, I would stand my ground & just tell everyone to back the f*** off from my birds or else.
Tell him you'll stop washing his clothes or doing whatever it is you do for him unless he respects your feelings & tolerates those birds. Christ, its only 3 chickens..... From the way it sounds they are making a big massive fuss over Jack nothing.
They should see my garden. We have dog poo, rabbit poo, chicken poo, quail poo.... it gets cleaned daily, but of course its still there again soon.
Oh, & maybe kick the MIL out permanently until she changes her attitude. No visits. Make sure DH is on board before you do this.
We have nothing to do with either of our MIL's. Both of them were born at the full moon as witches, I swear . DH's mother never understood him & my mother never understood me.
I certainly learn't a rule: Stand up in your marriage. Men are unfortunately men.... if you don't stand upto them, they will try to dominate you. Let them stay out all night if they wish & do what they want (of course within reason) as you would like to, but never tell them what to do or let them tell you what to do or how you should be. Go out all night yourself & let him look after the baby. There are no rights or wrongs in marriage, but I think modern women do lean too much on the marriage bridge to keep their lives running smoothly. I do not burden my husband with a constant daily stream of wants, questions, complaints or feelings anymore (like a bad habit) which made problems appear before or rely on his responses to make me happy like I used to. I've found we are much happier since I peeled away from him a bit & treated him in a completely polite, respectful & positive manner as a completely equal partner with his own feelings, hopes & dreams.
I'm just trying to put as much info into this post as possible. I'm not trying to compare. And even though the above may sound like advice it isn't, I'm just typing my opinion & story
oh, great & now I'm rambling.
So is there a baby involved or something? I think I read about a grandchild....
Either way, I don't know of any babies dying from chicken poop being accidentally trodden in & then cleaned up.
Personally, I think you are doing everything as right as you could, have put up with an awful lot & its getting to the time to kick butt! (Theoretically of course!)
Don't let them run your life, they have no right at all.
If you give up those birds because they won't let you care for them properly or how you want to, whats the next thing you will have to give up?
Chickens enjoy freeranging, I could never pen our birds here. Post done
Your #1 problem here is your husband. His feelings will be fueling your MIL's & mothers feelings & vice versa.
Also your MIL sounds like a complete witch who probably, I'm guessing, doesn't just complain about the birds (although they may be a favorite topic).
Have you asked your husband what is wrong with the birds freeranging in his opinion?
Besides the poop.... Its just 3 chickens. If he knows how important those 3 birds are to you, why is he trying to force you to make a decision you are clearly unhappy with?
You only have 1 life, if you want freerange chickens, then go for it!
If he loves you enough, he'll let sleeping dogs lie.
And he will back you 100% of the way if he values your respect & love.
Now I know my DH (Yes, here we go, MY DH
And I don't complain when he blasts music in his study (he's a pro DJ
We both enjoy completely different things at times, but we don't complain about each others favorite things & we listen to each others opinions on their favorite subject (Yes, even after 5 years).
It destroys a persons spirit having to put up with somebody who doesn't tolerate the things they enjoy.
And no, this didn't happen naturally. We had to agree on it 2 years ago after a year of severe fights, destroying personal property, arguments, slamming doors & bristling silences.
This was before we got the animals I always wanted.
Here's my story for you to read:
It all started with feelings of mild resentment over small things... which developed into full blown hate!
I couldn't stand my DH doing the things he enjoys because it was very loud. So I complained & huffed a little, whenever he showed signs of starting to DJ. It gave me bad headaches.
He would ignore my texts & calls when I asked him to come home. He got angry over stupid little things. He became violent towards me eventually & I would not stand for that, so I returned violence with violence ( I might add, neither of us condone any sort of violence normally, but this was when things got really, really bad & we were stuck living together in a tiny flat). It got to the point were we couldn't even have a civil conversation. We were both very angry & on edge with each other.
DH stayed out all night drinking & would appear at 8am still drunk. I, of course, would go off the handle at him for staying out all night. Our sex life became completely non-existent for 2 years & another cause for arguments. I suspected he was being unfaithful when really he was just hiding away from me.
I would shout & storm off to bed. Sometimes I heard him sniffling on the sofa in the living room, but I was past caring by that point. He spent many more nights on the sofa until he finally demanded the bed back.
Then I would storm off to the sofa instead, just wanting to put as much distance between me & him as possible. He was my worst enemy & I couldn't trust him at all by that point.
I told him that to. He felt the same way. He'd still drag me back to bed though by force (didn't hurt though) because he was so angry because I was angry.
I smashed up his PS2 with a sledgehammer.
He broke my favourite coffee table.
I threw his favourite plant out of a top floor window.
He kicked down our new front door that I chose.
I slashed his tires.
He cut up my favourite top.
I cut up all his clothes.
And on... and on.... I'd like to point out that we spent around £600 replacing household items in a year!
So I don't reccomend anybody gets in the habit of throwing or smashing things when they lose their temper, its really not worth it.
Things were terrible between us because of the lack of respect, lack of positive attention & the emotional pressures we were unintentionally piling on each other throughout the first 3 years of our relationship. We never saw a Councillor, we just figured it out for ourselves in the end after many sore & exhausting fights. We were worst enemies, forced to live under the same roof. No children.We both started informing family & friends that we hated each other & a split up was due.Both of us were as stubborn as mules, hostile & strong willed as could be, but something had to give eventually. This was past the point of us dreaming of ways to kill each other, we both actually had it all planned, believe it or not!
Yes, we are both phsycopaths. This was a 2 year long fued of hate & basically abuse though & we had both reached the limit.
And something did give finally. Basically we both had nervous breakdowns & ended up talking to each other & entered a new agreement.
Now you'd think we were a completely different couple & its far, far better. The household is calm & happy. Now when my DH rarely goes out, I am invited to join him.We ended up pretty much carrying each other home at new year, which was a laugh. For the first time I met most of his friends. After 3 years! Before I was left at home to silently stew in anger & self pity. Needless to say he was drinking in the same emotions at the local boozer.
I was lucky because he was always faithful.
I never realized at the time that my DH saw me expressing certain emotions as pressuring in the early stages of our relationship. He also felt he wasn't doing a lot things right & sensed I was angry & upset most of the time, even when I hid it. I also found out he felt belittled & childlike by certain simple questions, such as "what time are you coming home?" or "How did you pay for this?"
He also believed I was trying to control him. Not my intention.
After a year or two of nothing changing, both of us just began to resent each other & to wonder if we were with the right person.
Now I can freely ask all these questions & more without the tension before & get a polite & kind answer before he sticks the kettle on. The mood is much lighter, we are both much more tolerant, the affection is much greater & we both take more time to please each other in small ways.
So please listen to someone who's been through the worst & had their relationship survive: It all started with just a little resentment. Just a little.
Above is right, your DH should be respecting your feelings on this. From what you've told us, to him it just seems to be an argument & you must lose or never be forgiven.
Personally, I would stand my ground & just tell everyone to back the f*** off from my birds or else.
Tell him you'll stop washing his clothes or doing whatever it is you do for him unless he respects your feelings & tolerates those birds. Christ, its only 3 chickens..... From the way it sounds they are making a big massive fuss over Jack nothing.
They should see my garden. We have dog poo, rabbit poo, chicken poo, quail poo.... it gets cleaned daily, but of course its still there again soon.
Oh, & maybe kick the MIL out permanently until she changes her attitude. No visits. Make sure DH is on board before you do this.
We have nothing to do with either of our MIL's. Both of them were born at the full moon as witches, I swear . DH's mother never understood him & my mother never understood me.
I certainly learn't a rule: Stand up in your marriage. Men are unfortunately men.... if you don't stand upto them, they will try to dominate you. Let them stay out all night if they wish & do what they want (of course within reason) as you would like to, but never tell them what to do or let them tell you what to do or how you should be. Go out all night yourself & let him look after the baby. There are no rights or wrongs in marriage, but I think modern women do lean too much on the marriage bridge to keep their lives running smoothly. I do not burden my husband with a constant daily stream of wants, questions, complaints or feelings anymore (like a bad habit) which made problems appear before or rely on his responses to make me happy like I used to. I've found we are much happier since I peeled away from him a bit & treated him in a completely polite, respectful & positive manner as a completely equal partner with his own feelings, hopes & dreams.
I'm just trying to put as much info into this post as possible. I'm not trying to compare. And even though the above may sound like advice it isn't, I'm just typing my opinion & story
So is there a baby involved or something? I think I read about a grandchild....
Either way, I don't know of any babies dying from chicken poop being accidentally trodden in & then cleaned up.
Personally, I think you are doing everything as right as you could, have put up with an awful lot & its getting to the time to kick butt! (Theoretically of course!)
Don't let them run your life, they have no right at all.
If you give up those birds because they won't let you care for them properly or how you want to, whats the next thing you will have to give up?
Chickens enjoy freeranging, I could never pen our birds here. Post done
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