*Sigh* Always feel "second best"...

[AHappychick]

yes I agree take this year and be a little selfish you are no good to others anyway if you are hurting, let them all see what it is you do by not doing it. Make yourself the priority it sounds like you really deserve it. I know how you are feeling, there are some wonderful people out there but there are a lot of not so honest ones too and they always seem to find the nice honest ones to scr** over.

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
They will only treat you that way if you let them. Stop taking care of their horses. Stop doing the favors. Tell them why you stopped. Stop being a doormat. If you do work that you expect payment for, emphasize before the work starts what the cost will be. Demand payment. Get it in writing if you have to. For things that are already owed to you, call the note in. Don't be rude. Be firm. Tell them the truth. Remind them that they said they would pay, and that you could use the money. As far as the charity work is concerned, you really can't expect compensation for that.

 

[English Chick]

Pt yurself first, the rest will follow.....

 

[WiseChicks]

UC -

I understand completely. And, once in a while, it is OK to give in to those feelings.... that is why god made triple chocolate killer ice cream and chick-flick movies, afterall!

It is common coming out of a childhood like that.... one either becomes a people-pleaser/giver, or one becomes a total B****.

I am the 'giver' in my world. I will run all over creation to help out my family and friends, and even my ex's family! I am the person that can be called at any time, day or night. I am the "good friend", "good listener", and "one of the guys".

It can also be very lonely and frustrating.

I don't have a friend like me. I don't have someone to turn to when I hit a stumbling block. I cannot tell you the number of guys that have worked through the aftermath of bad relationships with me, and then gone on to call me one day and tell me that they've 'met someone special!', and 'can I be happy for them?' I cannot tell you the number of times I've been asked to train in someone at work, only to then have them promoted over me, because they are so well trained.

Most of the time, I count my blessings, and remind myself that things could be much worse. However there are those times that, just once, I want to get the promotion, or the surprise party, or the doting, loving boyfriend, or have someone that I could call at 2 a.m.

Those are the times when I really need a friend like me.....

 

[Up-the-Creek]

Quote:
Sounds like a repeat of my life,...keep your chin up I know its hard.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
What I am reading here is that you help your family with the horses and then they are not appreciative - tell them to do it themselves if they can't be more supportive.

I am reading that your sister was disrespectful to you. Stand up for yourself and ask her once to not speak to you like that, then if it comes to it, DEMAND that she treat you the way she expects to be treated.

I am reading that you are disappointed that others have been given a free trip from a club you have worked tirelessly for. Maybe it is time re-focus your charitable actions toward a charity that does not give prizes to their volunteers at (doing this causes friction, like it did with you).

My dear it is time to treat YOURSELF with more respect and know that you deserve it just as much as the next person. When you LET someone take advantage of you, they will always expect more and more and use your forehead as a doormat.

 

[HennyPennies2007]

UC.... as you can see alot of folks feel the way you do... myself included... I have found that it could be a case of burnout. Us folks who are the doers, and the organizers for everyone else need to make sure we take time for ourselves or we can run dry. Learn to say NO...NO...NO...the world will still go around and people will fend for themselves. The problem comes when we NEED to be NEEDED so much we sacrifice ourselves in doing so. Really look hard at yourself and make sure you are not feeding your need for acceptance and approval by doing for others. It never works....there has to be balance....

 

[Black Feather]

Thanks guys, I actually am feeling better....after a nice double sized gourmet hot chocolate....yummmm.

It was just one of those days, and it doesn't happen too often, but just the right mix of stuff brings out a 'down' mood.

WiseChicks: I know those feelings too. The interesting thing is....after the last S.O, I truly learned what it was like to be single and happy. It's good! Instead of having to answer to someone else, or worry about what someone else wants, I can be happy on my own. I think that was the beginning of the 'pushing back' phase for me. I did hit rock bottom with complete burnout a while ago and am now starting to assert myself and what I want....it's just an uphill battle because people are not used to it or expect it so they don't think I'm serious.

I did tell my sister never to talk to me like that again.....she literally laughed in my face, no word of a lie. That's when I spoke with my parents and told them in no uncertain terms that I would not accept that behavior any further. The problem is, my parents up until just recently were no better. I would try to discuss one of my 'needs' with them, and it would always be a HUGE fight.....they just didn't get it. Moving onto the family farm to look after the families horses while they lived in town has been a mistake in many ways as they do not respect me and treat me very poorly on an adult to adult level. Only when I threatened to move did a little light bulb go off in their minds that gee, maybe I don't want them showing up whenever they want with no prior warning....after all, I am living there and may have company and not want my parents around. But, looking on the bright/positive side, it has allowed me to have my chickens and I do get some enjoyment out of that. I think the first time sis has to look after the horses for a week morning and evening she will smarten up.....at least I hope.

Just for a little clarification....when I mentioned 'free' website, I mean the clients who said they would pay but didn't....no more accidental free websites.

HennyPennies2007 I have gotten better about taking time for myself lately. I never used to, but now I do take time-out days. It's funny because people want stuff from you NOW, and when you kindly point out to them that every once in a while you turn the computer off for a day and don't do work they seem stunned. I had one the other day. He asked if I had updated a page on a website yet, a site he can look at anytime. I felt like saying....well have you LOOKED at the page yet, does it LOOK like it's been updated?? *lol* Those ones just make me shake my head. I still took my day off and did it the next day.

UC