*Sigh* Always feel "second best"...

[Black Feather]

You'll have to excuse me, I'm having a self pity moment.

Ever get the feeling that no matter what you do your always running in second place? You know, always in the running but never chosen? *Sigh* seems to be the story of my life....always the brides maid, never the bride sort of deal. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I work at something, it's always someone else who nudges ahead....all the time. It's gets kind of tiresome.

Again, this is more of a self pity rant than anything....it's just got me a bit down that's all. Why work so bloody hard all the time if you feel like all you're doing is "spinning your wheels and going nowhere fast?"

Anyone else ever feel this way?

UC

 

[sonew123]

yes, I did for a long time...If I can be honest and unashamed-I learned to realize that even though we always feel like we are never good enough or someone beats us to the punch-when we so desperatly want to come in first-for once-our time will come...I let all the self pity and negativity go to God-throw your arms up and say to him-It's all yours! say a prayer...and smile =then...breath a few deep breaths on move on with what you are doing-stay positive as much as possible-and do your very best at what you are doing-your payment will come-as well as blessings and grace--I can tell you that from experience..This last year in my life has been a total blessing from God-all good things have happened to me-I can't even begin to tell you!-Everyone has to believe in something-I choose a higher power-It led me to this website -that has led me to learn so much to the point where Im starting to raise chickens and build coops and it makes me so happy...Life is good-don't forget~your sunshine will come-when you least expect it!

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

You are only "second best" if YOU think you are. If you teach yourself to become a "the glass is half full" sort of person, you will have a MUCH happier life. Working towards goals is what life is all about. Achieving them is not nearly as meaningful as the time you spend getting there. THAT's the time when you meet great people and have the most fun. The day AFTER you win the championship is not nearly as much fun as all the days leading up to that championship. Those are the ones to savor as they are happening and the ones you will remember.

The journey is the fun part!

Rusty

 

[Chickenmaven]

I feel that way - ALOT - when I compare myself to others. Others who are "succeeding" in whatever it is...
And, ya know, comparing myself to people who are doing "worse" doesn't help either. Then I just feel like I am not a good person for diminishing others' efforts.

I feel better when I remind myself that this life is not a competition.
And I feel GREAT when I think about my "biggest fans" (just my mama & DH). How can they possibly be wrong?

I am sure someone loves you and thinks you are swell. Take comfort in that. Some days that's all we have.

 

[Black Feather]

Trust me, I do try to stay positive.

I think it's just a culmination of many things.

I look after my families horses, and yet they treat me more like a stable hand than a member of the family. My sister got in my face a few weeks ago about something stupid. I don't treat my family members with such disrespect, why do I have to be treated that way? When I bring it up I more often than not get brushed off.

I've done websites and hours and hours of work for other people who promised payment that never came. That extra cash sure would have been nice, but took them at their word and trusted that they would conduct themselves with some degree of honor.... well fat chance.

I've helped raise thousands of dollars for a non-profit club I'm a part of to the point where I burned out and took a year off. Yet the "scholarship" that they give out every few year as a free trip to a camp/conference always seems to go to someone else.

The problem is I'm getting more bitter about these things all the time to the point where I don't want to help people anymore because of the broken promises etc. I like helping out and doing what I can, but I'm really getting tired of being treated like manure and/or getting passed over all the time.

 

[riderbecky]

I'm sorry your feeling down.

I do sometimes get that way. It seems to me that you have a competetive nature and thats great to have but have you considered not holding yourself to the standards and achievments of others. I feel it is more beneficial to compete with oneself.

For example: In my youth I use to compete in western division riding. Whenever I went to shows I never expected or tried to get 1st place. Instead I went in there with the mind set of doing the very best I could do; working with my partner to achieve harmony and showing what we could do together. I never worried about how the other competitors were doing as that would undermine my work. In short I just did the best I could do in that moment. Sometimes I would place 1st and sometimes I wouldn't but it truly didn't matter and I always was truly happy for the other people who did place above me.

When we would exit the ring my instructor would always say, "That was great! Now where do you think you could improve?" I would consider and we'd work on those problems during lessons.

I still use this method. Whenever I do something for work or personally I look to see if is my very best or if I could improve on my work with practise, etc.

Well, thats how I handle not letting the achievements of other get me down. Maybe it'll help you?

 

[Black Feather]

It's a hard thing to describe. I've been hardwired since I was a kid to always strive to be better or more than I naturally am.

You know, your always told your marks aren't good enough, your not skinny enough, you didn't do a good enough job at this, that, or who knows what else. The message I always felt with my parents was "Your just not good enough". I don't think I've ever done anything in my life that has made them proud....I always feel second best, or not quite good enough.

A lot of the time I can ignore it, but once in a while it surfaces. As I said, I'm having a moment today. Some of my friends were honored for their hard work yesterday, yet when I was doing the same and working just as hard I was passed over. It's just made me a bit sad today. It'll pass, I just hate getting in these moods.

UC

 

[gypsy2621]

Quote:
Im sorry this isnt a pitty party for you hon,
I have a friend who is much the same position you are in.
This is a very serious issue and should not be put off as self pity.
as with you ,
I have watched this girl go the extra 100 miles , not extra mile trying to please those around her, I hate to say it but as I told her , the more you do for them the more they expect and the less they appreciate you and what you do for them.
I told her to back away let them fend for themselves, If they treat you as a stable hand by all that be, make them pay you as such,
If they refuse, then you tend your animals and walk away from the rest.
If they are not appreciating all you are doing for fund raising walk away. Let them do it,
I am see YOU as She doing way to much for un reasonable people and not doing nearly enough for yourself.
Go to a Park, a Zoo, get together with friends, go visit a much loved aunt or uncle,
most of all GO DO SOMETHING FUN JUST FOR YOU!

 

[Black Feather]

Quote:
Im sorry this isnt a pitty party for you hon,
I have a friend who is much the same position you are in.
This is a very serious issue and should not be put off as self pity.
as with you ,
I have watched this girl go the extra 100 miles , not extra mile trying to please those around her, I hate to say it but as I told her , the more you do for them the more they expect and the less they appreciate you and what you do for them.
I told her to back away let them fend for themselves, If they treat you as a stable hand by all that be, make them pay you as such,
If they refuse, then you tend your animals and walk away from the rest.
If they are not appreciating all you are doing for fund raising walk away. Let them do it,
I am see YOU as She doing way to much for un reasonable people and not doing nearly enough for yourself.
Go to a Park, a Zoo, get together with friends, go visit a much loved aunt or uncle,
most of all GO DO SOMETHING FUN JUST FOR YOU!

Hon you are so right, and I have actually taken some of these steps.

I took a year off from the club and refused to do any find raising.....no extra money was raised and the people who sat on their rear ends suddenly found out that there was no cash on hand to subsidize them, and it wasn't very easy doing the work either. I think it was a bit of a wake up call for some when they found out how much work it was to do fund raising. I find people don't realize how much you do until you're not doing it anymore.

I told my parents outright that if my sister gets in my face again she would be on horse duty for a week, morning and evening chores. I said I would outright refuse to care for them and it was up to them whether they starve or not.

I refuse to do any free work anymore.....people just don't appreciate it.

Most of this is a relatively recent shift in attitude. I just wish when you 'talked' to people they would listen to what you said instead of you having to take drastic measures.

When I burned out a year or so ago, I really burned out. I don't do as much for others anymore, and enjoy my chooks a whole lot more.

 

[new-roo]

In the words of Ricky Bobbie, "... always remember, if you ain't first, you're last ..."