Sisters, Yeesh!

[herfrds]

My mother posted an old picture of myself with 3 cousins and my sister who does not speak to me on FB. Well I make the joke that my sister was stuffing her face and her old poodle hairdo. We had always joked about that hairdo for years. So I saw no insult in it. It was one of those old perms that made your head look like a bowling ball.

Well I just got a text from my other sister telling me I was rude on FB and I owed my other sister an apology. I just texted her back telling her I was not going to apologize since this other sister had called me liar and has accused me of other stuff.

I just got done blocking them both from my page.

Should I apologize or just continue with my life?

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I think it depends on your relationship with them. If you are not close to them, then going about your life may be just fine.

If I was in that situation with my sibling, I would probably just try to suppress as much of my pride as I could and apologize while explaining that you didn't mean the comment as rude and you appreciate them letting you know it had bothered them so you could remove it. A kind of "kill 'em with kindness" kind of thing. I have a pretty close relationship with my sibling though, so my way may not work for your situation!

Bad family situations can be the worst, so I definitely feel for you.

 

[herfrds]

Chickerdoodle I have no idea as to why this sister has not spoken to me all these years, 13 years. DH and I were just talking about it.
Is it because the resturant we promised to take them to when they visited had gone out of business?
Because my doctor was concerned about my sisters facing the family history I faced? Ovarian cancer.
My DS as a baby chewed on the crib she loaned me?
I have no idea!

I tried for years to make the peace between us but I have given up.

No I am not close to them.

 

[wyoDreamer]

I would probably post that I didn't mean to insult and I was sorry that she took it that way.

Really, text on a computer screen does not let a person read your body language, facial expression, and other subtle clues that we use when we communicate face to face. Those are the things that we use in communication that tell us the true meaning and sentiment of what we say. It is easier to misunderstand and take offence when we don't have to face each other.

Why throw gasoline on a smoldering fire? By acknowledging that her feelings were hurt, you can avoid making things worse. If your sister posted something that you didn't like, what would you want from her? Treat others how you want them to treat you is what I was always taught.
It sounds like she has hurt your feelings in the past, and I am definitely not going to dismiss your feelings of rejection/insult from her. I have been there myself. But once you burn that bridge completely, it will be so much harder if not impossible to rebuild. There may come a time when she wants to reconnect, so keep the lines of communication open.

 

[herfrds]

wyoDreamer I tried for 10 years to mend the fence between us but she never responded to my attempts. I would send pictures of my kids but she would never send me pictures of her's. I tried letters, gifts and everything I could think.

The last time I spoke to her she had asked if my kids knew about our disagreement. Told her yes but I had told my kids to stay out of it. Both my kids are shy around people they do not know. So she accused me of turning my kids against her. Really? It did not cross her mind that they had only seen her 1 time before! I had told my kids the trouble between me and this sister was not their concern and I wanted them to get to know her and to talk to her.
The only person my kids really ever talked to was my grandmother.
Since grandma passed away that bridge is burned.

 

[Whoops]

Facebook is public and permanent. Don't post anything on there you wouldn't be perfectly comfortable to have plastered on a billboard by the highway. And, if commenting about someone else, it's kind of like spray painting on that billboard. If you would be offended to have similar comments it out there on the highway for everyone to laugh at, don't do it to someone else. JMHO

 

[herfrds]

whoops this sister has called me liar and other nasty things in front of both family and non family. All I said was she was stuffing her face with some ice cream and that was the year she had the poodle hairdo.

So which is worse?

Calling a person names or commenting on a picture when you were both under the age of 10?

She has said a LOT worse stuff about me.
JMHK!

 

[newfoundland]

I think it is always wise to be very careful about what you put on FB. My daughter's friend seriously damages a relationship by complaining about her boyfriend on such a public forum and it has taken a long time for the wounds to heal. I think people often toss away careless remarks, never believing for one minute that it might cause trouble. We have all been there, said or done the wrong thing never intending offence. My advice for what it is worth is to explain this to your sister and apologise. Even if she remains unforgiving you will know you did the right thing.

 

[wyoDreamer]

I want to stress that this is just how I live my life, because it makes my life better. I am not judging the OP and an not in a position to tell her how to live her life. I have been there/done that in almost the exact same situation as she is in right now.
I have found over time that kindness makes my stress level lower. Anger and bitterness just makes my life gloomy, grey and tired. Anger takes energy that I don't have to spare, many other things that I want to do with my time and energy that will make me or someone I care about happy.
To me, it doesn't matter which is worse - her "innocent" comment that was taken as an insult or the sister spreading lies. It's all out there, can't be taken back. I live my life in such a way that people who know me don't believe the lies. Why continue the nastiness? I choose to stop feeding the fire. Not worth my time and energy to continue it. Shrug my shoulders and get on with life.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I know there are always two sides to every story and I don't know you personally, but it sounds like your sister may be a toxic person in your life and maybe it is best just to avoid her.