So...I'm feeling pretty blah...

[Chickerdoodle13]

Yeah, no words to really explain how I'm feeling. I don't know if it's because I'll be leaving for college in about eight weeks, or I just have a lot on my mind, but boy do I feel blah.

There's been some trouble at our ambulance building and even though nothing affected me directly, I've been feeling some of the after effects. I've also been feeling like I can't talk to someone without regretting what I say. It's just been one of those crazy weeks where I over think every single thing, and even tiny events agitate and frustrate me. Most of the things that have happened in the past week shouldn't bother me, but they have for some odd reason. Actions that I've done, or things that I've said....I feel like such an idiot sometimes.

Then I feel like I really want to talk to someone, but I think about what's really bothering me and my problems seem so small. So I stay bottled up. I know that's not good but if I talk about all the things that bother me or that are on my mind, I'd either sound crazy or feel like a whiner.

So I guess that's why I'm sitting here typing about my minuscule problems to my online friends. I guess I don't feel like such a jerk telling my feelings to people I'll probably never see. lol

 

[Chelly]

Its probably going to college thats got you... deep down I would say there is something, either you're scared, nervous or something, and its effecting everything else along the way.

it will pass - but feel free to keep posting, just talkign about something, anything will make you feel better.
Chin up!

 

[okiechick57]

AH I am sorry to hear your feeling so blah...... there is something VERY theraputic about talkin to people you will probably never meet......has a sense of safety we ALL need sometimes.....so talk away....so many kind and caring souls in the place.... I pray your days get easier for you ! :aww

 

[millicent]

i know what you mean...i beat myself up over things that i say to people sometimes...like every word i utter is the wrong one. in my family we call that feeling, coupled with the blahs "the ruiner" as in 'I am the ruiner...i ruin everything.' dont feel bad. no offense to the chirpy people out there, but noone can be awesome all the time. hug a chicken, or break something...it might make you feel better. fear not! your sense of awesomeness will return, and you will once again rock.
hope i helped and didnt ruin everything
patty

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

LOL, thanks guys. Definitely feels better to have people understand what I'm going through.

or break something...

LOL! I do that enough without doing it on purpose! I can be so clumsy sometimes!

I think sometimes what I worry about is that I "think" people focus on the same things I focus on when I talk. However, the things that make me feel like a jerk are often times quickly forgotten by the other person. I just magnify things a hundred times and don't realize I have nothing to worry about.

I wrote a whole long post on my myspace page. You can read it if you like. There are also some pictures too. Here's the link: MySpace

This definitely is a good place to get support! Thanks again guys!​

 

[Chelly]

I put an add as a friend

Cute horse - you can see mine on myspace as well..... my little Rosie girl!

 

[Rafter 7 Paint Horses]

Where did you decide to go to college at?

Feel free to unload on here. We've all been there & understand sometimes you just have to "vent". A lot of times, it's better to do this to someone who is not "in on" what's going on. That way you don't have to worry again about what you are saying.

Go talk to your horse, he will understand & not say you are over-reacting!!! Horses are a great stress reliever!
I've cried on my horses shoulder a lot over the years.

Take care
Jean

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Go talk to your horse, he will understand & not say you are over-reacting!!! Horses are a great stress reliever!
I've cried on my horses shoulder a lot over the years.

Haha, back when my other horse was alive I used to do that all the time. Not necessarily cry, but I'd take her out for a ride to clear my mind. That always used to be a big st4ress relief. One time I had so much on my mind that I couldn't sleep. It was very late, but the snow had just fallen and there was a full moon. I decided to go very quietly outside and ride her. That was such a wonderful memory!

Haven't gotten to know this other horse quite as well yet. However, whenever I feel down or confused, there's this one chicken that always makes me smile.

Jean, I decided to go to the richard stockton college of NJ. It's a small school about 2 hours from my house, but it looks like it will be wonderful! I am very excited, but of course a bit apprehensive about the whole thing.

Chelly, I will add you!​

 

[Rafter 7 Paint Horses]

It has so many years since I have ridden bareback on a snowy moonlit night....sigh...no such nights like here in Texas.
Those are precious memories.

Will you be staying on campus?

Will you be able to continue with the EMT stuff while you are in college?

Are you going to have to have a job to help with living expenses or did you get a good scholarship?

I know...lots of questions!!! LOL I'm just curious. I'm sure you will do great, you already do so much more than most young ladies I know. It is refreshing to hear there are still young adults that know how to apply themselves to something other than having a good time.
I'm not against having a good time, I have fun doing whatever I do. It makes people nervous....

.....which is so much fun!!!

Jean

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Yep, I will be staying on campus. I actually applied for and got single housing. I was soooo excited! I love my privacy and I think I would have a hard time rooming with a total stranger...especially with all the horror stories I've been hearing from friends! lol

The school is actually only about 2 and 1/2 hours from where I live now. The environment is totally different from here in North Jersey though. The college is right near the beach, so you have the salt smell in the air and the land is all flat. It will be a nice change for me!

Actually, one of the many reasons I picked the school is because there are two hospitals right on campus. I was told that lots of the students at stockton are into the EMT stuff. I figure I'll see how things go the first couple weeks, but I definitely want to try and do campus EMS. I may also try to get a paid position at one of the hospitals. EMT positions pay pretty well at anywhere from $12 to $20 an hour.

As far as paying for college, I actually was able to get a full tuition scholarship. All I need to pay for is room and board, but I also got about $2000 in other scholarships, so that brings room and board down to about $5000. My parents were going to help pay for college expenses, so my dad will be paying that even though he keeps teasing me that he'll use my graduation money to help. My parents would have paid for college even if I didn't get the scholarship, but I think I would have felt guilty about them having to pay so much. Now I won't have to feel guilty at all! My dad keeps bragging to all his close friends because the one guy was paying five times as much for his daughter's college, which is about an hour from mine.

No problem about the questions! I love answering questions because it gets me so excited about going away! Ask me more if you want!

I love having fun when I'm doing anything too. Depending on who is around me, I can have fun doing just about anything!... Unless there is a party pooper around who complains about everything! We have a few of those on our ambulance squad and they make calls so tense! Otherwise we even have fun on calls!

Well it's 6:10am...that means I am officially off call for the night. I better go up to bed before I collapse on the computer!