That's not nice . . .

[chickenlittle32]

I am sorry you have to go through that.

I have a son (9) that has Bell's palsy. (right side of his face sags a little bit, been dealing with this since he was 4) I hate when an adult asks him what's wrong with his face.

We tell these adults what is going on and they still go on and on. Poor baby is bothered by it now because its affecting his self esteem. Some people just don't think!

 

[PlymouthRocker]

I think many people don't think before they talk because their parents didn't teach them what to do when meeting new people. In my house, I practice communicating situations with my 7-year old daughter. "If we see this, we say this . . . " Then she parrots me. I can't prepare her for everything, and let's face it, I blow it a lot myself and I'm very sensitive about asking certain questions or saying certain things.

People also don't think before they talk because they may not empathetic to others' feelings or are simply ignorant of a situation. For example, I teach a lot of people about communicating when they meet someone new based on my 7 years experience of infertility and two miscarriages after a successful pregnancy.

One thing I never ask someone is, "Do you have children?" If they tell me about their kids, great. If not, it may be because they couldn't have them or there were miscarriages or even a death in the family. I hated answering this question during the seven years it took me to get pregnant and I don't ask it of anyone, ever.

Before I had our daughter I would get asked, "Have you ever thought of adoption?" I would think, "Only 1000 times." I would answer, "Adoption does not cure infertility." I would have loved to adopt a child, but some women want to experience pregnancy and asking this question is insensitive. Infertility is a unique situation to grieve because you have no closure and asking about adoption should be done with great care.

When I meet new people now, I get asked a lot, "So you only have one child?" Like one isn't a blessing or like I'm a selfish person who is depriving my daughter of a sibling. I say, "I've been pregnant 3 times and we have one beautiful daughter. I'm looking forward to meeting the other two when I get to heaven." This makes people pause and I hope stops them from asking that question again.

Thanks for sharing your experiences to remind us or even enlighten us on a more positive way to communicate when we meet someone new - whether they look different from us or not.

 

[19Dawn76]

I made friends with a woman iI met in the parents room of the therapy clinic my son goes to. Her son is 8 and in a wheelchair, he drools and makes odd noises at times. I kept inviting her to lunch with us and she always said no. I was starting to think I smelled bad or something until she told me that they have not been out to eat in public since their son was 2. I am still kinda sitting on this one. I do not know if I should push the issue or just let it go.

I do know what she is getting for her birthday. I am going to get her a gift card to a nice place to have dinner and offer to baby -sit. I am hoping she will let me since I am a nurse and if anything comes up I can't handle I can call 911. If she doesn't want to then she can get the meal to go. Iam really trying not to be pushy.

 

[sweet tweets]

Wow, adults who are idiots are just idiots - maybe modify the old expression -
His shortcomings can be fixed with glasses and braces - too bad yours can't!

On the positive side, I am really pleased with the students at my middle school. We have a student, new to our school who is in a wheelchair, it appears to be a permanent type wheelchair - sort of a "sporty" looking one. Not the rental ones that kids with casts have had to use in the past. He appears to have been accepted into the culture of the school with nary a glance from the other kids. He stands in line with them and enters each class with aplomb, but I must say, our lunch windows are all way too high for him. My students don't have the same lunch, so I am not sure how that is being dealt with.

I am so pleased that you have such a wonderful son who perhaps can help educate others!

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
You may want to just get honest with her, and tell her that he son's disabilities do not bother you in the least and you would really love to get to know her and her child better. My mom did that with the mom of a Down's child and she wound up having a great relationship with both.

 

[the4heathernsmom]

We worry so much about the cruelty of other childern to ours when in fact the sheer stupidity of some adults is what we should worry about. Some people mean well but just do not take the five seconds to think before they speak. I too have taught my kids to be sensitive to others and that we are all unique in one way or another. Just a few moments here and there to teach a child to look beyond a person's exterior.......ie; to my kids Mr Wilkins at church is not the man with one leg that he lost serving our country Mr Wilkins is the "cool" man who tells stories about the ocean and sharks......sometimes I remind myself that I have great kids who I don't give enough credit sometimes...

The fact that his leg is amputated above the knee and he is in a wheel chair and is missing a third of one finger and wears a hearing aid never entered the picture but he has awesome stories about fishing in the ocean sure did!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Boyd]

when my son was going through chemo and we absoulutely had to go out he would wear a surgical mask and gloves. With no immune system I had to limit his exposure to germs. Any and all. Now little kids would stop and stare and sometimes ask what was going on. My son had no problem telling them he was sick and getting chemo and that was that. Now the adults.... uuuuhggggggg.. They were mean and cruel. Had a guy at the gas station look at my son and me and ask me if he was the next recruit for the kkk.... well that one ended with the police involved....

another time was at the store and a guy in line asked him if he shaved his head to be like me. My son gave me the what do i say look so I told the guy I shaved my head to look like him. He said why? Well buddy, he's got cancer and all his hair fell out. I cashed out and left him standing there jaw sitting on the floor.

These are the only family friendly ones I can tell too.... Some still make me

 

[GAChknGirl]

they do the same little sister who has mild CP she wears a brace on one of her ankles and she is 16 now and people still do this she is beautiful and you would never know she had this i swear, they just make fun of her because she walks funny and doesn't use her left hand, i guess some people just don't understand, now she isn't standing for it and is telling people when they stare or make fun what happened, and that she is no different some laugh but some people apologizes! and when they walk away they look like somebody just smacked them in the face because they are red from embarrassment

 

[momma's chickens]

Oh I understand, my youngest has Rett Syndrome and she doesn't walk very well, mostly is in a wheelchair stroller, has no hand function, in completely non-verbal but can scream quite loud, drools. has seizures and various other issues. I once had a man at Wal-Mart tell me that he wishes he could have a handicap permit and ask why I need one as he was looking at my daughter. I told him he could have mine if he could make my baby well. He said something not nice and walked away.

I do pity the adults that make comments about her in front of her 9 year old sister because she is smart and smart-aleck and pops comment right back to them most of the time without thinking. After one lady wouldn't shut up my 9 year old says well at least she is nice and knows how to keep her mouth shut.

I was sort of upset with her but also very proud. She is a great big sister.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

I think I'd stop dead in my tracks with my head cocked to the side, an incredulous look, and say "Are you KIDDING me?" Look REAL ticked off. Then walk off looking back at them, still ticked off. It won't enlighten them, but maybe they won't do it to the next kid.

Jeez, we're in the year 2009. How many people are SO STUPID to talk this way to A KID???? Unbelievable. Anyone who is that insensitive and idiotic needs to be whacked up side the head, and you're the person to do it.