That's not nice . . .

[Eggs4Sale]

Quote:
I have the opposite problem. I don't look at ANYONE, so I guess I could be lumped in with the group of ignorers. But honestly, my husband could walk past me in the grocery store and I wouldn't notice. I give people in wheelchairs a little more attention only if I need to get my kids out of the way. But I treat them just like everyone else.... I don't smile at people. Even when I get smiled at, my return smile is usually too late. But I am polite. We say 'excuse me', 'thank you', and hold doors open for people. But we're not social by any means. So I guess I'm sticking up for some of the 'ignorers', because some of us aren't out to offend.

 

[Karrie13]

My brother was a large baby and during the birthing the doctor pulled him by his left arm resulting in limited use, no feeling, can’t open his fingers, and it is much shorter and smaller than his right. I am very familiar with the cruelty of adults and children alike. When we were kids I always stood up for my brother, ended up in the principal’s office more than once over it too.

My son also has Tourette Syndrome and was also diagnosed with ADHD. I remember the looks other people would give me when he was little and I took him to the store. He would have a hard time standing still, but was never one that screamed because he didn’t get a toy or anything he was just the one that would jump all around. With one hand on the cart though (my rule). He is now 12 years old and I can’t tell you how many times over the last several years he has came to me crying over some comment that someone made to him. When he was younger I would understand what the adults or other kids said but with his ADHD he was often thinking or doing something else so he didn’t hear or notice. I would just remove him from the situation, that is why my kids are no longer in 4-H. The 4-H leader was very mean and cruel in her comments to him. I complained to the 4-H director but of course that didn’t make any difference.

Over the last 3 years I have heard my son say “I hate myself”, “I wish I were dead”, “Why am I even alive”, to name just a few. All over comments and looks he gets because of his “noises” or his “movements”. I talk to him a lot about this and tell him how much we love him and how special he is to us but how do you respond to your child when they say “I wish I were dead”? I worry about him constantly. We encourage him to play sports and be in different activities all of his own choice in hopes of him making friends. The kids who are his “friends” never seem to stick around long.

I must say his school is very accommodating and willing to educate both the staff and students about Tourette’s and other medical issues. Last year all teachers attended a Tourette’s workshop and they brought in a speaker for the students. My son was of course mentioned when the speaker spoke to the students but things got a little better after that. Most kids just ignore his noises and movements now. The first of the school year is always the hardest because they are not always with the same kids each year so his classmates need to get to know him and of course they all ask him questions. He is starting to accept that he has this and will probably have it the rest of his life. In his acceptance he is better able to talk about Tourette’s to other people.

My children are both sensitive to the differences in other people and are openly accepting of those differences. I just wish more adults would be like that.

 

[sred98]

My kids are usually the ones that gravitate to children with disabilities and play with them, read with them, or whatever. They have been exposed to people from different cultures, abilities, and everything under the sun. I worked at a residential facility for mostly Cerebral Palsy and Spina Bifida, and I would either check out different kids for Saturday play-dates, or bring my kids up so they could play with them and have fun.

There have been 2 times that I was mortified when I was out with them. Once, my 14 year old was about 4. You know, that age where they scream everything, and have no filters??

We were at Lowe's and there was a group of people and one teenager in a wheelchair. She was in a reclining wheelchair, and was completely non-verbal, and had severe contractures, and couldn't move. My lovely DD runs up to her, and screams, "IS SHE DEAD?!?" I could have died. The poor girl didn't even blink with this 4 year old shrieking in her ear, I felt like crying, and I told her that she probably had CP like her friend Rose. Of course, being 4, she responded, "OH, WELL SHE LOOKS DEAD!!!". The caregivers didn't even look at DD and offered no explanation or attempt to help her understand. It looked like they were running errands with the kids as aides, rather than being family, so I guess they didn't really care what was said. To DD's credit, when we left, she told her, "Bye", but that was probably the most embarrassing time I had ever experienced.

My DS was in first grade when I got a call that he was (and this is a direct quote from the teacher) "...picking on the poor little Cerebral Palsy boy!" DH and I were mortified, and asked him what the heck was going on?!? He had no idea what we were talking about, but he got in big trouble anyway. A while later, another mother in that class that I became BFF with, was over and we were watching the boys climbing a tree. Her son scampered over the top of my son and was kicking him in the head. Not in a mean way, just how boys will do. Anyway, she said, "You'd never guess he has CP when he acts like that, would you?" I came unwound! I said, "You mean HE'S the "poor little cerebral palsy boy???" I almost felt bad for the teacher when she got ahold of her. The teacher made it sound like my son was intentionally targeting a handicapped child to bully.

That is NOT tolerated in our family. My friend and I actually got a good laugh out of it, later, because we decided my son was probably just defending himself against hers! LOL!

My kids know that even though they might not be able to speak, they are aware of everything going on. They will be the first ones to go over and strike up a conversation. If they are pretty non-verbal, they figure out yes and no's, and they all have "diarrhea of the mouth" so they can keep up both ends of the conversations! LOL! They have also figured out that even though someone looks physically the same as everyone else, there might be other issues going on. Their sister has Asperger's syndrome, so they are familiar with how that is. It helps that I exposed them from a young age, but also that their schools keep everyone integrated in the classroom.

For the poster that wanted to know about having them go out, I agree. Set up something either at your house, or invite yourself over to her house. The mom has probably had "friends" and family that refuse to go anywhere with her and her son. Try and find something that she is comfortable with, and go from there. Small steps is the key. If the kids have fun together, she'll relax and be more comfortable in public outings.

I am one of those that look people in the eye. Actually, I probably look people in the eyes more when they are differently abled, than those that are not. I guess, because I want them to know that I see them, and that they do matter? I'm not really sure why I do it, I just always have.

This has been a great thread. I've enjoyed reading people's responses. As a mom of kids that definitely speak their minds, I am of the opinion that once a child gets old enough to voice their opinion about the treatment of people, why not let them? It might shake up someone and make them take another look at why they would say something to a child with a disability, and not one that didn't. Sometimes you tune out adults that say "That's not nice" but coming from a kid? I would take a second look at what I said.

Shelly

 

[chickaddict]

unfortunately, intelligence doesn't always expand with age