The Front Porch Swing

[heartsizedfarm]

Quote:This is a rough time for you, I know, I've been there! Follow your heart. We did, and we've never regretted it. We had our granddaughter and her half brother Jamie with us from the time she was 6 until she turned 10. Then we helped her dad get custody of her. What followed was a nightmare, culminating in this:


It was over a month until she was found, safe and unharmed, but in a load of trouble. After she got off probation Ken and I went back to South Dakota and dragged her - almost kicking and screaming - back here to live with us again. This was THAT result:


Joining in family activities again and enjoying them!


Her GED in just under 5 weeks of "coming home."


And this was taken last week when we picked her up to go see her Aunt Linda. She's amazing. When I told her how proud we were of how well she's done since she moved back to South Dakota to live on her own, she said, "All I needed was somebody to see me - really SEE me - and believe in me so I could start believing in myself again. I knew what I could be because I learned that with you and Grampa when I was little. I just needed to be reminded."

So Deb, the sad truth is that we don't know what the results of our choices will be until long after we've made them. It's never easy, but is far more difficult to say later, "I could have....."

Hugs!

Read this great story first thing in the morning on Mothers Day, which feels really appropriate. Congratulations and happy Mother's Day Blooie.

 

[TexasLisa]

Could I ask you all for your prayers tonight? I have a serious problem in my family and some tough decisions to make in the next few days. I will know more tomorrow,but keep me and my granddaughter in your thoughts and prayers if you can . Thanks, Deb

You and your granddaughter have my prayers!

Quote: Blooie, a wonderful story. Give that young lady a hug for me. You and your husband are A-One in my book!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!

Lisa

 

[rrrmamma]

Diane, as usual, your words give me hope and encouragement. we are waiting for a call from her best friend to let us know how she is and how we need to proceed. She is 18 so we can't force her, but a trip here was in the plans for this summer anyway. Both of her parents are all for her coming. In her state of mind that may make it worse. We will just keep praying and trying to communicate with her. Thanks

 

[LeslieDJoyce]

I know someone who really likes homemade frosted sugar cookies but isn't on anybody's distribution list. Just FYI.

 

[LindaB220]

Read this great story first thing in the morning on Mothers Day, which feels really appropriate. Congratulations and happy Mother's Day Blooie.

x2 Blooie,

 

[Blooie]

Diane, as usual, your words give me hope and encouragement. we are waiting for a call from her best friend to let us know how she is and how we need to proceed. She is 18 so we can't force her, but a trip here was in the plans for this summer anyway. Both of her parents are all for her coming. In her state of mind that may make it worse. We will just keep praying and trying to communicate with her. Thanks

Well, the way I see it we didn't do anything that special. She did all the work. All we did was provide her an opportunity, structure, and a roof over her head. By the time we got her back, she was living on the street. Size 00 skinny jeans were too big for her. We picked her up the first of September 2012, not quite 2 months before her 18th birthday, and she wasn't happy about it. She claimed she was doing just fine, and she had lots of "friends" who were helping her out. Finally I put my finger under her chin so she had to look up at me and I told her, "I buried one grandchild 2 1/2 months ago...I'm not burying another." She came with us, but she had a huge chip on her shoulder and acted like we'd abducted her. But by her birthday she had her GED. One of her "friends" contacted her one day, a few days after she learned she'd sailed through the GED test, trying to set up a way to sneak her back to Sioux Falls. She said, "Are you serious? In two months I've gone from a homeless, unemployed dropout with no real family to working, having my GED, and a hug whenever I need it from everyone here. No way I'm ever going back to what I was." But by March she came to us and told us she thought she was ready to go back. We didn't want her to - we were afraid. But she was over 18, had grown up so much, and she wanted to use what she got here to live on her own. By golly, she did it, too! We love the young man who has come into her life almost as much as we love her. She's working, has her own car, her own place, and a couple of pets, and she has Dustin.

The only advice I can give you is to love her enough to let her hate you for a little while. There were many heated arguments here. There were times when she was crying and times when I was crying. I was called a few names and heard her scream "I hate you! I'm going home! " more than once. It won't be all roses and laughter. Push, pull, lie, drag, beg and demand - do whatever you have to do if you truly believe you can offer her a second chance. But also remember this.....she won't leave her problems behind - the problems are attached to her feet so when you let her in you are also letting them in. Be very sure you and your beloved hubby can take the emotional roller coaster. Don't tiptoe around her bad behaviors - call her on them. Little Diane got lippy with me over staying out all night on her 18th birthday, giving me the old, " You can't stop me, I'm 18, I'm an adult now" bull****. I told her 18 was only a number, adulthood was a responsibility and a lifestyle and she wasn't there yet. Then I confiscated her phone and her computer. I am evil, and must be destroyed! LOL

Love ya - do what's right for your family and your situation, and even if it doesn't turn out the way you want, you can at least look in the mirror and at each other and know that you were there when it counted.

 

[wyoDreamer]

Happy Mothers Day to all you moms out there.
This is what I woke up to this morning.


It's going to snow all day.

 

[Blooie]

Boy, you guys are gonna get sick of me today! But I love Mother's Day.... Tam and Evan were here for a little bit this morning, and I remembered to ask her if I could share the letter I wrote her. She readily agreed.

It was a long time to be in labor, but I knew the end result would be worth it. So I gritted my teeth, did what the doctor told me to do and suddenly there you were. I hurt. Touching you for the very first time comforted me.

It was the middle of the night. You were cutting your first tooth and had a miserable cold on top of it. You were hungry but your mouth hurt whenever I tried to feed you. To make matters worse, it was hard for you to breathe and eat at the same time. But soon your sleepy little eyes drooped down and, with a bit of milk dribbling down your chin, you started to doze. I wiped the milk from your face and stroked your cheek. You hurt. My touch comforted you.

It was your first day of school. You were so excited in the days leading up to your first big adventure away from home, but your little bottom lip started trembling halfway through your first-day-of-school special breakfast. By the time we reached the school you were in tears, telling me that you didn't need to go school. I crouched down beside you and took your hand in mine. “Let’s do this together,” I said softly, hoping you wouldn't hear the trembling in my own voice. You hurt. Holding my hand comforted you. I hurt. Feeling you relax as you squeezed my fingers comforted me.

It was your wedding day. You were so beautiful and happy that you made my throat ache. I was not going to let you see me cry, not even joyful tears. After the lovely ceremony gave you to him, I suddenly realized that tomorrow you wouldn't come downstairs to share a cup of morning coffee with me. I hurt for the wrong, selfish reasons. The next morning the phone rang. I dried my tears and answered it. “Hey, Mom!” you said with excitement, “Phone hug!” It was our code, and even long distance your touch comforted me.

I started remembering all of those tender touches – the times we comforted each other through the years. The skinned knees, the bloody noses, and the hurt feelings could all be soothed with a touch. The moments of doubt I had in my ability to be able to say the right thing, to do the right thing when you needed me were erased each time your trusting hand reached for me.

Today is Mother’s Day. Traditionally children take this opportunity to tell their mothers how special they are. The flowers are lovely. The card is perfect. But it seems topsy turvy for me to be getting any special treatment today. Today is really your day. This day doesn't belong to me for being your mom. It celebrates you for being my child, for you are the reason I am able to hold this most honored title – the title of Mother.

And in a few more months, my dearest daughter, you will begin to understand. When you labor to bring your first child into the world, you will hurt. And touching your new baby for the very first time will comfort you. Thank you for touching my life.

The child I was referring to was our Austin. We lost him 22 short years later. And again Tammy and I found comfort in each other's touch. Happy Mother's Day to all of you my friends, whether you are the mother to one child or many, have no children but hold a child in your heart, and to those of you who, like me, have known the pain of losing a child. I've always thought today should have been called, "Happy Woman's Day" because whether we are moms or not we are still united in that one great truth - we are women who accomplish.

 

[Blooie]

Happy Mothers Day to all you moms out there.
This is what I woke up to this morning.


It's going to snow all day.

Yup - I heard you guys were supposed to get it next. Today we just have rain and tons of wind. Happy Mother's Day to you too!

 

[heartsizedfarm]

Boy, you guys are gonna get sick of me today!  But I love Mother's Day....  Tam and Evan were here for a little bit this morning, and I remembered to ask her if I could share the letter I wrote her.  She readily agreed.

It was a long time to be in labor, but I knew the end result would be worth it.   So I gritted my teeth, did what the doctor told me to do and suddenly there you were.   I hurt.   Touching you for the very first time comforted me.


It was the middle of the night.   You were cutting your first tooth and had a miserable cold on top of it.   You were hungry but your mouth hurt whenever I tried to feed you.   To make matters worse, it was hard for you to breathe and eat at the same time.   But soon your sleepy little eyes drooped down and, with a bit of milk dribbling down your chin, you started to doze.   I wiped the milk from your face and stroked your cheek.   You hurt.   My touch comforted you.


It was your first day of school.   You were so excited in the days leading up to your first big adventure away from home, but your little bottom lip started trembling halfway through your first-day-of-school special breakfast.   By the time we reached the school you were in tears, telling me that you didn't need to go school.   I crouched down beside you and took your hand in mine.   “Let’s do this together,” I said softly, hoping you wouldn't hear the trembling in my own voice.   You hurt. Holding my hand comforted you.   I hurt.   Feeling you relax as you squeezed my fingers comforted me.


It was your wedding day.   You were so beautiful and happy that you made my throat ache.   I was not going to let you see me cry, not even joyful tears.   After the lovely ceremony gave you to him, I suddenly realized that tomorrow you wouldn't come downstairs to share a cup of morning coffee with me.   I hurt for the wrong, selfish reasons.   The next morning the phone rang.   I dried my tears and answered it.   “Hey, Mom!” you said with excitement, “Phone hug!”   It was our code, and even long distance your touch comforted me.


I started remembering all of those tender touches – the times we comforted each other through the years.   The skinned knees, the bloody noses, and the hurt feelings could all be soothed with a touch.   The moments of doubt I had in my ability to be able to say the right thing, to do the right thing when you needed me were erased each time your trusting hand reached for me.


Today is Mother’s Day.   Traditionally children take this opportunity to tell their mothers how special they are. The flowers are lovely.   The card is perfect.   But it seems topsy turvy for me to be getting any special treatment today.   Today is really your day.   This day doesn't belong to me for being your mom. It celebrates you for being my child, for you are the reason I am able to hold this most honored title – the title of Mother.


And in a few more months, my dearest daughter, you will begin to understand.   When you labor to bring your first child into the world, you will hurt.   And touching your new baby for the very first time will comfort you.   Thank you for touching my life.

The child I was referring to was our Austin. We lost him 22 short years later.  And again Tammy and I found comfort in each other's touch.  Happy Mother's Day to all of you my friends, whether you are the mother to one child or many, have no children but hold a child in your heart, and to those of you who, like me, have known the pain of losing a child.  I've always thought today should have been called, "Happy Woman's Day" because whether we are moms are not we are still united in that one great truth  - we are women who accomplish.

This letter reads like a beautiful poem. Put an ache in my throat.