The NFC B-Day Chat Thread

[007Sean]

The link I tried yesterday didn’t work, so I went about things the hard way. I just played it and recorded at the same time. So no fancy video, and the sound isn’t as rich as it was coming out of my computer but that’s just how it is. I think this song is on her CD.

When she sent me the link, I hadn’t heard from her in forever. But she wanted me to hear this in particular - she was pretty insistent. Tentative feelers were extended, but then I said something wrong - again - and set her off. I’m not even sure what I said, although I have an idea. Taking things at face value has never been her strong suit, but she’s an expert at looking for ulterior motives or innuendo where none was ever intended and instantly believing it was a criticism of her. So she cut me off. Again. But knowing her as I do, she wrote this song during one of the times when she was thinking of how her life has been and how she longs to be anything but what she is. I can hear her confusion and pain in the lyrics. My heart just breaks for her loneliness and regret.

As with any singer/song writer, you 'feel' the music and the lyrics as they intended them to be...you can certainly feel the pain and hear the regret in her voice...but in a sad way it's a very lovely piece of music. Thanks for sharing this with us, Blooie

 

[007Sean]

Just received a living floral planter from the veterinary clinic.

That's mighty nice of your vet!

 

[rjohns39]

As with any singer/song writer, you 'feel' the music and the lyrics as they intended them to be...you can certainly feel the pain and hear the regret in her voice...but in a sad way it's a very lovely piece of music. Thanks for sharing this with us, Blooie

X2

 

[ShrekDawg]

Our vet sent us a card after Gator died which was nice and definitely thoughtful but certainly not flowers or anything. Although we are also not friends with him or know him personally.

 

[ShrekDawg]

Accidentally just tried using a BYC emoji with my dad hope he doesn’t wonder or ask about it LOL

 

[N F C]

Close, it was the back of beyond New Zealand that swallowed Jae, Australia stole Teila from us. I miss them both.

I thought about that later...but by then I was at work and it was too late

I’ll be thinking of you, Deb, and I’m so excited for you!! Hugs and prayers!!

Good morning! I miss Jae and Teila too, and sunflour, who has been AWOL since November of 2018.

My buddy Sunflour is the one that started this thread. She was a good friend and I miss her.

The link I tried yesterday didn’t work, so I went about things the hard way. I just played it and recorded at the same time. So no fancy video, and the sound isn’t as rich as it was coming out of my computer but that’s just how it is. I think this song is on her CD.

When she sent me the link, I hadn’t heard from her in forever. But she wanted me to hear this in particular - she was pretty insistent. Tentative feelers were extended, but then I said something wrong - again - and set her off. I’m not even sure what I said, although I have an idea. Taking things at face value has never been her strong suit, but she’s an expert at looking for ulterior motives or innuendo where none was ever intended and instantly believing it was a criticism of her. So she cut me off. Again. But knowing her as I do, she wrote this song during one of the times when she was thinking of how her life has been and how she longs to be anything but what she is. I can hear her confusion and pain in the lyrics. My heart just breaks for her loneliness and regret.

Lovely B, thank you for sharing it.

 

[N F C]

I thought about that later...but by then I was at work and it was too late



My buddy Sunflour is the one that started this thread. She was a good friend and I miss her.



Lovely B, thank you for sharing it.

Oh, and Sunflour's cats name was Buddy.

 

[DigMyChicks]

I was too, and when I think about her life I sometimes start to really get down on myself. Ken was gone so much and I had to fill both roles for months by myself. Then he’d swoop back into their lives and take over as Dad. It had to be confusing for the kids, but she was especially fragile. I just didn’t know that at the time. And I wonder if I tried hard enough, if there was just that one more professional out there who could have made a real difference. I remember, when she was just a brand new infant, my family commenting that they’d never seen a baby who hated to be held or touched. Even her feedings were done with her bottle propped or she’d scream and choke on her formula. Teething, colds, and tummy aches were a nightmare - I couldn’t hold and comfort her. Then at around 18 months she did a complete turnaround - always giggling, affectionate, and sweet but still so independent. So maybe she didn’t bond with me when she was little. Was I firm enough? Too firm? She had no coping skills, but as the Mom I should have.

She was a normal, active, healthy and exceptionally musically gifted kid from that 18 month age until she was approaching her teens. “Oh, it’s normal adolescent adjustment disorder,” the experts would say. “Give her some time, but try this....or that.....” I didn’t know any better. They were the doctors so I relied on them for help. Maybe to this day it’s why I don’t do that with Katie and Kendra. I did it the pros’ way once and Terrin is still paying dearly for that - she always will. So now I’ll try something that is out of the girls’ therapists’ wheelhouse and never take their word as the end all, be all. I won’t excuse bad behavior, not even with Kendra. With Terri I let her get away with far more than I should have to avoid the horrible outbursts and total family disruptions.

Anyway, too much information, I know. She’s been out of my life off and on and I was hoping for a brief time of “on” when she asked me to listen to the song. Terri will never come out and say “I need you, Mom” and she shouldn’t have to. But her music says what she can’t. It was always that way.

I did my crying yesterday, Bruce. Now I have to go back to being hard-hearted. It’s the only self-protection skill I have left. How I wish her issue had been drugs or alcohol. There’s always hope for treatment there and a chance for a new life, if the person chooses to do the work. I think it’s obvious from her song that she’d take that chance and run with it, because she doesn’t want to be this way. Life gave her no other choice.

Okay. That’s enough. Talking about it won’t change it. I’ve got packing to do got our trip to South Dakota. Funny. I’ll be 20 miles away from her for 2 weeks. I asked Ken last night if he thought it would be a good idea to invite Terrin to lunch, just her and me - maybe find out what it was that I said this time that ended a visit before it even started. I couldn’t remember the last time he’s ever outright forbidden me to do something. But he did it last night. He said she chose her path and has to walk it. And that’s the most frustrating thing of all - I can’t get people to see that she didn’t CHOOSE this anymore than someone would choose to get cancer. She sees that at times. I see it all the time.

Noone would choose to be mentally ill. Don’t beat yourself up Blooie. She was born that way. I have a sister that was checked into a facility today for 3-6 months depending on how she does. She has severe depression, she has an eating disorder, she’s an alcoholic and several more issues. She has tried to kill herself several times. She just missed her daughters graduation from high school. It was very hard to see my niece cry as her mom wasn’t there. I wish I had a magic answer to why this happens but she too was born this way. You are not alone Blooie. There is so much mental illness in this world and a stigma that goes with it. Every time I hear someone say something smart about a mentally ill person I come back with I doubt they would choose to be that way.

 

[Blooie]

As with any singer/song writer, you 'feel' the music and the lyrics as they intended them to be...you can certainly feel the pain and hear the regret in her voice...but in a sad way it's a very lovely piece of music. Thanks for sharing this with us, Blooie

Thank you. I think my song would either be the old gospel song, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” or “Zippidy Do Dah”.....I’m easily confused!

Noone would choose to be mentally ill. Don’t beat yourself up Blooie. She was born that way. I have a sister that was checked into a facility today for 3-6 months depending on how she does. She has severe depression, she has an eating disorder, she’s an alcoholic and several more issues. She has tried to kill herself several times. She just missed her daughters graduation from high school. It was very hard to see my niece cry as her mom wasn’t there. I wish I had a magic answer to why this happens but she too was born this way. You are not alone Blooie. There is so much mental illness in this world and a stigma that goes with it. Every time I hear someone say something smart about a mentally ill person I come back with I doubt they would choose to be that way.

Thank you. And you can bet I’ll be adding your sister and your family to my prayers.

 

[bruceha2000]

And I wonder if I tried hard enough, if there was just that one more professional out there who could have made a real difference.

You DID try hard enough!!! Do not beat yourself up over this any more, I imagine you have been doing it for decades. IF there were a 'cure' for her illness, don't you think she would have found it by now? And if there were why do you think it would have been around 30+ years ago and you just missed it? I can't even imagine the pain you feel but you didn't do anything that caused her mental illness. And yes, at some point you have to protect your emotional self.