The Old Folks Home

I know, right? I am not sure why that is one of my favorite stories, I guess it speaks to the little boy my Dad was. Independent, trustworthy, kind, compassionate, resourceful, proud, strong and yet sensitive. Just like the man he became.

Up until Mom died, I only saw my Dad cry once. I was over thirty, and my parents were becoming more and more anxious for me to get married. They wanted, for me, a family, children, security, and the comfort that they had enjoyed in their marriage. On this particular day, Dad was asking me why I was not married. We had talked about several long term relationships that I had been in and why they ended. Finally, when I could not satisfy him with my answers, I told him the real reason. I had always compared every prospect to my dad, and all had paled in comparison. His eyes welled up and he said, "I didn't know you felt that way." He should have, he was always my hero and my champion.

Our kids were in their 30's and both unmarried. I too wanted the benefits of a relationship for my children. When asked my daughter said, "We are still looking for the perfect relationship that you and Mom have."
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My response was, 'what have we done wrong - it's constant work not perfection.' Thankfully both are in solid relationships. Perfect? I think not, but solid and fulfilling.
 
Some of you know it and some may not, so here is our story.....


As many of you know, we moved to the Philippines with the intention of adopting children. We had purchased my wife's childhood beach house along with 2.5acres of land from here parents several years earlier and decided to renovate the 35 year old house. After basically gutting it and almost rebuilding it over a 5 month period, we moved to the Phils, at the end of January 2009.

We were initially given the impression that we could foster a child from an orphanage and then adopt that child following the (at that time) 2 year period. We discovered that under Filipino law, all children have a right to a speedy adoption and that the child we were fostering could be taken from us and assigned to another set of adoptive parents. This was not something we could cope with so we decided to wait until we were closer to the mandated residency period which had since grown to three years from when our first plan was hatched.

During our wait we were approached by many people who knew of a child available but sadly they came with strings attached. We made this sacrifice to adopt not to participate in child trafficking. We also wanted to be able to tell our future children that we did not buy barter or trade them.

As 2 years approached, we were called to say there was a five month old baby girl who's father wanted to relinquish. The bay's mother had died of an stoke after child birth and he could not manage nor afford to to take care of all his 4 children. His only requirement was that his daughter go to a good home and that he, if possible, could receive a photo of her annually. In early November 2010, Mrs Oz caught a plane to the home town of Antonia's birth family. That evening after meeting up with our attorney, we received the relinquishment papers and Toni was in our custody. Mrs Oz flew back to Bacolod with a very healthy but slightly undernourished baby girl we named Antonia Lucia.

Our plan was to adopt a brother for Antonia but as time progressed, the separation was becoming harder and harder. Unless we were to find a baby boy soon, we would have settle for just our little girl that we love beyond all our previous understanding of love for child could be. We decided to give it three months.

Time progressed and at exactly three months later we had decided to not wait for another child. At three months and a day we received a text message. There was a young lady who had an unplanned pregnancy and could not afford to raise the child. She wanted to give the child a chance in life and relinquish it for adoption. It was a to be a boy.

This threw us in turmoil. Could we handled it? A new born" Another child? We are not young and getting older every day.

We checked out the story and the birth mother.

The girl was from Bicol and working in the Cavite Economic Export Zone as a factory worker. She had a relationship with a local Cavite guy a few years older. When she found herself pregnant, she also found herself alone.

The birth mom came from a small fishing village. her father was a simple fisherman and she had several younger siblings that she was remitting money home to support. The unborn child was going to be an immense burden on her and her family. We had the birth mom interviewed and counseled as to what it meant to relinquish a child both immediately and long term. She was given time to go over the implications and a month later was re-counseled. She got to review the paperwork to see what she would be signing following the birth and given more time.

The birth father was not around to interview and could not be found.

Coincidently, I was to be in The Phils at the time of his birth. We waited in Bacolod for the birth mother to go into labor. On August 29 she did just that but not much else. On August 30 she was still in labor and was given medications to move things along. On August 31, after in excess of 54 hours of trying to deliver this child, the birth mother was to have a C-Section. We flew to Manila and waited.

We could not pick the boy child up from the clinic until he had been observed for twenty four hours. It was a trying time. The anticipation over the signature of relinquishment was agonizing but at 10:10PM on September 1, 2011 we greeted this intense and handsome boy. We said hi to Lorenzo.

Currently I am working in Los Angeles and jumping on a plane anytime I can get a few days off work to be with his family. Mrs Oz also flies over to LA in between for some much needed culture and companionship. The petition for adoptions were filed with the courts and we are waiting for the finalization of the adoption so we can begin the grueling task of getting her immigration papers to travel to the USA. Once completed we will become a complete and united family. We are hoping to get a very nice Christmas present from the courthouse in Cavite.
 
SCG, Oz, Wisher, Linda, and everyone else who has been contributing the family stories keep them coming. I think it is wonderful to hear them (yes ALL of them). I wish I had something interesting to add, but we really didn't have many traditions when I was growing up and not many stories of when my parents were growing up. DH's parents had a huge train platform they would set up every year with the tree in the center. On Christmas Eve, Santa would not only bring presents but would finish decorating the tree.
I wish Santa would have helped me in years past. It takes a number of hours to set it up and take it down. I was lucky to have help last night - a girl from India who is Christian but has never had a tree (there are few pine trees in India).


Oz, that one brought tears to my eyes! I hope you hear soon.
 
 
SCG, Oz, Wisher, Linda, and everyone else who has been contributing the family stories keep them coming. I think it is wonderful to hear them (yes ALL of them).  I wish I had something interesting to add, but we really didn't have many traditions when I was growing up and not many stories of when my parents were growing up.  DH's parents had a huge train platform they would set up every year with the tree in the center.  On Christmas Eve, Santa would not only bring presents but would finish decorating the tree.

I wish Santa would have helped me in years past. It takes a number of hours to set it up and take it down. I was lucky to have help last night - a girl from India who is Christian but has never had a tree (there are few pine trees in India).


Oz, that one brought tears to my eyes! I hope you hear soon.


A HUGE X2 :hugs
 
I know, right? I am not sure why that is one of my favorite stories, I guess it speaks to the little boy my Dad was. Independent, trustworthy, kind, compassionate, resourceful, proud, strong and yet sensitive. Just like the man he became.

Up until Mom died, I only saw my Dad cry once. I was over thirty, and my parents were becoming more and more anxious for me to get married. They wanted, for me, a family, children, security, and the comfort that they had enjoyed in their marriage. On this particular day, Dad was asking me why I was not married. We had talked about several long term relationships that I had been in and why they ended. Finally, when I could not satisfy him with my answers, I told him the real reason. I had always compared every prospect to my dad, and all had paled in comparison. His eyes welled up and he said, "I didn't know you felt that way." He should have, he was always my hero and my champion.

Last time I made my father cry was when I told him I had shared one of his favorite nuggets of wisdom with a friend of mine who was going through a particularly difficult period in her life - I told her that this was what my father would call a crisis of opportunity. I called and left him a message to tell him, and he called back and left me a message with the most choked up voice I've ever heard from him. I guess he didn't realize we actually listened to him.
 
Oz, as the saying goes, you couldn't make that story up. Jeepers, what a fantastic story. Your kids are extremely fortunate to have you both.
 
We have several odd Christmas traditions.

One of my favorite is "The Boot Story." Now, you have to follow me here, it has developed over many years and will be hard to make anyone outside the family understand. I am the youngest of four. The oldest, my sister, Vicki, is 14 years older, my brother is 12 years older, and my closest sister, LaTrelle, is almost 10 years older. For as long as I can remember, after opening presents, people would start grinning while clearing away the boxes and wrapping paper. It was infectious. First one would grin, then someone would notice, then another. Sideways looks and winks would be exchanged, and occasional suppressed giggles would be heard among the younger generation's members. Each one knew it was getting time to hear "The Boot Story."

For the majority of my life, Dad told the boot story. After my kids came along, sometimes others would tell it, but it always starts with the same words. "Be careful what you throw away." The entire room of people would erupt with laughter and amused groans, and Dad would look hurt (with a twinkle in his eye.) He would go on to recount the story of the year Vicki was six and Mom and Dad had splurged and bought her a pair of majorette boots. She had seen them in a store and had talked of nothing else for months. They were white leather, mid-calf height, with one large silky white tassel hanging from the front of each one. They had spent more than they were worth, and definitely more than Mom and Dad could reasonably afford, but they wanted Vicki to have them, so they managed to make the purchase. Vicki was thrilled, of course, and wore them for a bit before Mom told her to take them off so they didn't get scuffed. While picking up and discarding the wrapping paper, boxes, and other holiday trash, one of the coveted boots was thrown away.

It must have been literally traumatic for my Dad, because every year afterward, when clean-up was in progress, he thought about that boot and had to remind us all not to make that costly mistake. As the years went by, we came to anticipate and enjoy the inevitable telling of "The Boot Story" and it became the family joke. Even Dad came to enjoy playing his part and would put different spins on it from time to time. Sometimes he would pretend to ignore the anticipation until someone else told the story. Sometimes he would tell it as we started opening gifts. When grand kids came along, they caught on after a year or so. Friends and other relatives knew the tradition if they had ever spent a Christmas with us. Regardless of when, how, or by whom, Christmas would not be complete, without the telling of "The Boot Story."
 
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Some of you know it and some may not, so here is our story.....


As many of you know, we moved to the Philippines with the intention of adopting children. We had purchased my wife's childhood beach house along with 2.5acres of land from here parents several years earlier and decided to renovate the 35 year old house. After basically gutting it and almost rebuilding it over a 5 month period, we moved to the Phils, at the end of January 2009.

We were initially given the impression that we could foster a child from an orphanage and then adopt that child following the (at that time) 2 year period. We discovered that under Filipino law, all children have a right to a speedy adoption and that the child we were fostering could be taken from us and assigned to another set of adoptive parents. This was not something we could cope with so we decided to wait until we were closer to the mandated residency period which had since grown to three years from when our first plan was hatched.

During our wait we were approached by many people who knew of a child available but sadly they came with strings attached. We made this sacrifice to adopt not to participate in child trafficking. We also wanted to be able to tell our future children that we did not buy barter or trade them.

As 2 years approached, we were called to say there was a five month old baby girl who's father wanted to relinquish. The bay's mother had died of an stoke after child birth and he could not manage nor afford to to take care of all his 4 children. His only requirement was that his daughter go to a good home and that he, if possible, could receive a photo of her annually. In early November 2010, Mrs Oz caught a plane to the home town of Antonia's birth family. That evening after meeting up with our attorney, we received the relinquishment papers and Toni was in our custody. Mrs Oz flew back to Bacolod with a very healthy but slightly undernourished baby girl we named Antonia Lucia.

Our plan was to adopt a brother for Antonia but as time progressed, the separation was becoming harder and harder. Unless we were to find a baby boy soon, we would have settle for just our little girl that we love beyond all our previous understanding of love for child could be. We decided to give it three months.

Time progressed and at exactly three months later we had decided to not wait for another child. At three months and a day we received a text message. There was a young lady who had an unplanned pregnancy and could not afford to raise the child. She wanted to give the child a chance in life and relinquish it for adoption. It was a to be a boy.

This threw us in turmoil. Could we handled it? A new born" Another child? We are not young and getting older every day.

We checked out the story and the birth mother.

The girl was from Bicol and working in the Cavite Economic Export Zone as a factory worker. She had a relationship with a local Cavite guy a few years older. When she found herself pregnant, she also found herself alone.

The birth mom came from a small fishing village. her father was a simple fisherman and she had several younger siblings that she was remitting money home to support. The unborn child was going to be an immense burden on her and her family. We had the birth mom interviewed and counseled as to what it meant to relinquish a child both immediately and long term. She was given time to go over the implications and a month later was re-counseled. She got to review the paperwork to see what she would be signing following the birth and given more time.

The birth father was not around to interview and could not be found.

Coincidently, I was to be in The Phils at the time of his birth. We waited in Bacolod for the birth mother to go into labor. On August 29 she did just that but not much else. On August 30 she was still in labor and was given medications to move things along. On August 31, after in excess of 54 hours of trying to deliver this child, the birth mother was to have a C-Section. We flew to Manila and waited.

We could not pick the boy child up from the clinic until he had been observed for twenty four hours. It was a trying time. The anticipation over the signature of relinquishment was agonizing but at 10:10PM on September 1, 2011 we greeted this intense and handsome boy. We said hi to Lorenzo.

Currently I am working in Los Angeles and jumping on a plane anytime I can get a few days off work to be with his family. Mrs Oz also flies over to LA in between for some much needed culture and companionship. The petition for adoptions were filed with the courts and we are waiting for the finalization of the adoption so we can begin the grueling task of getting her immigration papers to travel to the USA. Once completed we will become a complete and united family. We are hoping to get a very nice Christmas present from the courthouse in Cavite.
Oz that is one heck of a story. And may God bless you all!
 

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